This is what a 15 year old has just posted on face book to my 76 year old MIL

[RabidAnchovy]

I HAVE TOLD THE SCHOOL, I AM GOING TO SPEAK TO HIS MOTHER AND i THINK MIL SHOULD CTELL THE POLICE.

AIBU to think what a vile excuse for a child

If you're loving your pension keep your mouth shut. your name reminds me of something .. AN ESCAPED OLD PEOPLE'S HOME OLD WOMAN WHO HAS MADE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT THOUGHT SHE'D DO THE OLD EXPERIENCED LIFE LIVER THING AND TRY BE FUNNY WHO HAS A ALBUM CALLED 'My eye' HAS SAGGY OLD TITS HASN'T HAD SEX SINCE THE POPE WAS ALIVE.
shut up you old bag, I'd put my dick in your arse and fuck you till you love me

There was a time when Rapid's robust male relatives would take care of this 15 year old after school. However, we are no longer allowed to beat the crap out of someone...however deserving, the next best thing to do is to call the police. It is their job to keep the peace, and this 15 yr old boy seems to need a reminding of what is right and what is wrong.

Marianne- tackling the boys behavior and attitude now, making an early intervention may stop it from descending into something much worse when he gets older. Ignoring behaviour and hoping it goes away is not fair on the victims, society or the boy himself. Lots of offenders say how they wish they had got help early on, before it was too late.

Your attitude of ignoring early warning signs would just lead to more adults offending and in prison, having been denied the chance to reform and turn their life around whilst young enough to do so.

OhNo I very much doubt that a man would be less likely to be appalled by this.

OP, you've been handling this very well. The police and school really are best placed to handle this, for everyone's sake; that of your family, society and indeed the boy.

Have name changed as there are some people on here who I know in RL.

My sister was raped by a 15 year old. She was 13. Which of these children do your sympathies lie with Marianne?

Marianne, in case you missed my previous post, how exactly would you suggest this should be handled?

Do you honestly think it'd be in the boy's best interests to ignore his disturbed and disturbing rantings? Would you be happy for a teenage daughter or friend of yours to date this boy?

I wonder if Marianne & Novack have the same IP by any chance?

OP, I had a similar-ish expereince with face book a couple of years ago. Someone had written something exceptionally rude about my mum who was a teacher at the school they went to. Whilst I accept we all like to rib our teachers, this was going totally beyond anything considered reasonable. My brother and I contacted the person directly and after a bit of agression (initially) on his part when he didnt know who we were he was clearly mortified when he realised that we had read his comment and deleted his account.

Whilst I think that what this boy wrote about your MIL is awful, I think some users of facebook forget that other people can see what they post and that those people have children, grandchildren etc and can be deeply affected by this tye of thing.

Personally I think its great you took it further, this behaviour is unacceptable.

I can't actually believe the way this thread is going now. I'm actually shocked.

Oh and Marianne, I am an insufferable bleeding heart liberal.

When some kids torched my cherished classic (but not flash, they were as cheap as chips back then) classic car I didn't want to hunt them down and make them pay; I sobbed and sobbed though that someone so young could be so wantonly destructive.

Looking back, what they did was idiotic high jinx. What has happened here however is beyond the pale.

Just seen this OP how awful you have absolutely done the right thing.

"Somehow the argument for changing security settings remind me of the way that people proclaim that women who dress a certain way deserve what they get ."

I had started to think that myself, ProdigalMNer.

I am actually amazed that 2 posters are defending this kid.

Good on you OP, you sound like you have dealt with it in exactly the right way!! What a vile person he sounds, I hope the police scare the crap outta him!

NovackNGood Tue 29-May-12 17:30:50

"Criminalising immature youths seems rather overkill to me but then the UK loves to have the youth criminalised with just about the lowest age of criminal responsibility in the civilised world. In Sweden he'd need to be 18 or in Spain 16 but in the UK once you reach 10 we just love to throw the book at them."

Where did you get this information from, Novack?

The age of criminal responsibility in Sweden is 15 (it has stayed the same at least since my childhood). An offender under age 18 wouldn't normally go to adult prison- but this thread isn't about prison sentences but about a policeman visiting a family to give a much needed talking to.

Which is exactly what a Swedish policeman would be doing under similar circumstances. I read interviews with the police after the Gothenburg riots last summer. They did exactly that: visited families and laid down the law. And some of those offenders were iirc not only under 18, but under 15 too.

cory you are correct it is 15 in Sweden however there system is far more solution/resolution based than punishment based is it not. When you say a talking to do you mean a formal caution which is a criminal record in the UK?

Sorry for the leftie rag link but this was in The Guardian not that long ago.

www.guardian.co.uk/science/2011/dec/13/age-criminal-responsibility-brain-scientists

No where did I defend the boys words. If you read, I said I was not sitting in judgement.

maryz Why the personal attacks against me. Your first 4 or 5 posts on this thread were tryig to explain away his words as un grammatical ramblings with incoherent punctuation. Why your last post suddenly tries to cast aspertions against anything I post I don't know. I do hope I've not got a mumsnet stalker and have to go and change my name now.

Ironic and sad how so many of the outraged at the young boys comments seem to want to have a vigilante mob beat him up or called posters the c word and were grossly offensive themselves etc. etc.

The boy may well have asperger's or other factors. Or may just be going through a 15 year olds rebelious state at a C of E school thinking he is all inner city gansta?? At least he is not on illegal drugs or maybe he is and couaght in a bad crown suffering bullying himself but then you lot would show no sympathy there either I suppose. Or a myriad of other things that children go through

Perhaps the op will have some contact with his mother and know more of his family circumstances than the rest of the quick to judge crowd. It is up to her to do so and she chose her choice of action. I think I would have gone a different route and I would have followed that one route ro the conclusion before gong after him at school and home and legally all at once. That to me seem to be too vindictive and motivated by revenge not justice.

note I am not saying his insult was not grossly offensive. I purely questioned if criminalising an immature youth for a one off internet rambling is really the best thing for the situation. Do you all think that one spliff should lead to a criminal record via a formal caution too because by that road probably a large percentage of good and bad kids in the UK would be having to fill in yes for spent convictions when applying for a job allowing more vacancies for the immigrants I suppose.

Police visits serve a good purpose. It's not a criminal record for the boy, but it might be a much-needed slap back to reality, and a deterrent for the future. I'm speaking from personal experience.

a large percentage of good and bad kids in the UK would be having to fill in yes for spent convictions when applying for a job allowing more vacancies for the immigrants I suppose

1. I managed to wander through my teenage yrs without a conviction despite the conviction happy society of the uk. It's not that major a minefield you know.

2. Juveniles can clear their criminal records (under various conditions)

3. allowing vacancies for the immigrants - think you've said enough here. Don't resent others getting jobs they are entitled to because your child is a criminal

toothbrush Ad hominem abounds here.

3. Where did i say I was agaisnt immigration or have a child with a criminal record?

I am so glad that the police do become involved in these cases and hopefully the publicity will warn off other little twats from becoming malicious secret revenge seekers over some trifling event that their stroppy immature minds can't accept.

I live on my own, imagine if every spiteful little twerp could decide he didn't like the way I overtook him on the road, or disrespected him when I complained about him cycling along the pavement and decides to send me emails or facebook comments threatening to come round one night and rape/bludgeon/throttle me. I'd be a nervous wreck.

This type of thing needs dealt with severely, unfortunate for the first convicted of it, but otherwise the world would be a bully's paradise.

I would not suspect ASD personally. Have taught many little scrotes who wouldn't think twice about saying filth like to teachers, let alone posting it semi-anonymously on a social networking site. Usually said little scrotes having loving yet emotionally neglectful middle-class parents and said children can do no wrong--> ergo the school is wrong.

My DS has ASD and I would be down on him like a ton of bricks if he said even half of what this lad said.

The suggestion that a teenager would post something vicious and vile because he 'may have aspergers' is pretty unpleasant. And quite a slur against young men with aspergers.

Astounded that anyone could think that going to the police is an over-reaction. They will not bring him in for a 24hr questioning session. They will go around and hopefully scare the shit out of him.

And I agree with Pagwatch, that suggesting that aspergers or ASD would excuse a child from this behaviour is pretty offensive against people with ASD.