Aibu to be really pissed off by my friend's comment to my son?

[Cathycomehome]

I have looked after my friend's two kids for the last academic year until just this week in the mornings and taken them to school with me so that she can get to work. This is unpaid, I don't know if that's relevant. The kids are in year 4 and year 6 and are both nice enough children; my son is in year seven.

The little girl is quite immature for her age , and will cry/ whine at fairly minor provocation, such as taking her glove off her on one occasion I can remember for example. My son and her brother are both guilty of this kind of thing,occasionally, it's not often just winding her up sometimes, and also of saying things like "don't be such a baby"when she reacts. I have always told the boys off, or whichever boy if it was just one of them, but she tells her mum that my son and just my son is constantly bullying her, constantly being nasty to her and on one occasion that he pushed her over six times (this was untrue, I was in the room at the time, he pushed past her on the way out and I told him off for being rude).

Anyway.....my friend has just popped round and said to my son, "you'd better stay away from X ( her husband) for your own safety, he's out to get you, I'm not joking". This is after my son said her daughter was acting like a baby on Monday, for which I told him off, also her brother said the same, but she has told her mum that just my son was saying cruel things to her all morning, and
He is a nasty bully.

I appreciate that there have been times when unkind things have been said, but Aibu to be seriously pissed off that she has basically threatened my eleven year old?

YANBU, OP. Sorry to hear how you have helped this family out so much, and this woman has basically thrown it all back in your face.

Honestly, some p

YANBU, OP. Sorry to hear how you have helped this family out so much, and this woman has basically thrown it all back in your face.

Honestly, some people are so ungrateful.

Please don't look after her children again. It's not worth it.

Thanks for replies. Bizarrely, I have just had an email from friend (copied in with mutual friends from village who she has invited) about a baby shower she has decided to arrange for me at my house, as if nothing has happened at all.

I don't know how to feel about that to be honest. How can I say anything now without it being really awkward? Or AIBPathetic now?

Absolutely not pathetic if someone threatened my child I'd never speak to them again and I'd tell them why.

I agree that it DOES sound like bullying AND you rather drip fed the fact that she has now arranged for someone else to pick up the kids etc.

if you had said "AIBU to be angry because my friend has made other arrangements re school pick up and accused my DS of bullying"

Then answers may have been different.

Your son is in year 7....the DD is in year 4...you call her immature and whiny but I can tell you now that if my 8 year old was being systematically pushed about by him and told off for being a baby whilst in your care then I would not be happy either.

I would be the opposite of angry if she had made other arrangements for child care. I was doing it as a favour, for free, I gained nothing from it except morning stress through dealing with bickering children.

And as I said, I did not let any naty comments go, I dealt with them from BOTH children, and my son did not push her around, he pushed past her on the way out, once, and I told him off for it and made him apologise. Which he did. She told her mother he pushed her over six times.

As baby shower arranged before? Is she just trying to keep her free child care?
You have every right to be upset and it sounds like she is a bully

I'd email her back to say you don't feel comfortable about the baby shower due to the threat she made to your son! Outrageous.

But you said she HAS made other arrangements cathy

And of course she's going to take ribbing from her own brother better than from another boy....especially if your son....older than both the others, is encouraging it.

Ring her up to tell her what effect her threat has had on your poor DS, that he's now scared to go out in case he encounters her DH. See what she has to say for herself and take it from there. There'll be one of three reactions: 1. She apologises 2. She laughs and dismisses your DSs fears 3. She reiterates the threat. Once you know her reaction, you can decide how to move forward, but judging by the fact you don't want to see her this weekend I get the impression you already have a good idea what her reaction will be.

By the way, your partner should be ringing the DH tonight to find out if he really did threaten your DS and I can't quite understand why he didn't do that the minute you told him what happened.

I am honestly befuddled by peoples reactions here....I KNOW the Mum said a silly and unpleasant thing but look at it from her perspective...her DD is reporting constant teasing from a much older boy pus pushing and taking her things...how would that NOT annoy her??

House are you suggesting the comment made to this child was acceptable?

No, neither boy should have been mean to the little sister, but the OP did step in. Threatening a child is completely inappropriate, especially the child of someone who has provided months of free childcare for you.

I don't think she wants to keep free childc are, no, I was going to stop after half term anyway.

Baby shower arranged earlier in week, wasn't really expecting a chatty email about it after the situation earlier though.

And if grown men begin phoning one another because of a stupid comment made by an upset Mother then things really WILL get silly Kitty

Agree with TheHouseOnTheCorner. I would withdraw the childcare arrangements,but your son's behaviour needs addressing. That child is considerably younger than him.

Rubirosa no....but to me it sounds like the Mother was very upset and defensive and trying to redress the balance of a little girl who has possibly felt "got at" for a whole year.

Months of free childcare mean nothing if your child has been bullied.

You don't say op...is the girl in year 4? Or your son? Because there is a VAST difference between a year 7 boy teasing a year 4 girl and any other. Some year 4s are only 8 at this time of year still and my DD in year three is very young...I wouldn't call her immature but if a year 7 boy got at her regularly she would be very upset and so would I...especially if he were a friends child.

She has NOZt been got at for a whole year. Honestly, there have been isolated incidents of nastiness that I have addressed every time. I have not at any point tried to let my son get away with any bad behaviour. She does not tolerate ribbing from her brother any better by the way, he makes her cry regularly once my son has left (he goes to school about fifteen mins before we usually leave) the lat time by pushing her into puddles on the way , just as an example.

It's a bit odd that this only became an issue when the free childcare was coming to an end - I can't imagine the DD only just mentioned this to her Mum.

I don't think it's appropriate for an adult to redress the balance for her DD like this. The adult approach would be to tell the boys mum that she felt his behaviour was unacceptable and she needed to do something about it. Not threaten a minor.

My son is a late August year seven and her brother is year six, so they are much of an age.

I reckon she was quite happy to use op for free childcare til she sorted something out.

What kind of adult threatens an 11 year old though? She obviously wasn't that worried about her DD being "got at" if she was still using the OP (who she thinks is a liar) as free childcare.

Amazing that anyone thinks they can behave so badly towards someone and then organise their baby shower.

Calling the police would be OTT

Her husband hasnt actually said anything, shes just saying it as though he has.

You say you pulled both boys on the bullying, yet it still carried on, enough to make her make alternative childcare arrangements. so it was obviously more of an issue than you thought.