What is your definition of a spoilt child?

[lalaland3008]

Is there really such a thing, how does a child become spoilt?

Yep, that's exactly how my DS is - lovely kind caring funny boy one minute, and then.....

I think he will be a great adult - strong-minded, passionate and determined (with a dreamy creative side as well) however, if we had let him control the whole family as he would like to, then I believe he would have become spoilt very quickly. I don't think that would have happened as quickly with my dds who are just much more easy-going, but it would still have happened.

Wow - I'm so glad to hear that it's not just my DS! Although sorry you both have the same. I do agree that perhaps the determination and passion will become admirable traits in an adult onus the kicking and screaming!).

Minus not onus! iPhone

Passes to Jnice and Pico :)

Yes, my DS is mostly a very sunny little boy and definitely thinks of others; his teachers and others remark often that he is a really kind little boy, a fact which I admit I cling desperately to in the challenging moments! But when he feels strongly about something...definitely agree that his steadfastness will serve him well as an adult, but in the meantime...

this has got me thinking and feeling a bit embarrassed, cos people are forever telling me (even since she was a few months old, so before a child can be spoilt iyswim) that my dd is strong willed and "ooh, she knows what she wants" COmments about how she's not backward at coming forward, etc.

I guess from this thread, people are suggesting she's spoilt, and also from this thread, that that's my fault?

Thing is, she has 3 older brother, who adore her. And right from being a baby were falling over themselves to fetch her toy, cuddle her etc etc. Now, if she makes a fuss about wanting something they are still happy to accommodate her. I tell them not to, but they either forget, or they ignore me just to shut her up or they don't realise and do it.

e.g. she says in whingey voice "I'm thirsty" I start saying ask properly in a nice voice. If just I am there she'll then say, could I have a drink of milk please mummy in a normal voice. If the boys are there they'll leap up and fetch for her before I can tell them to stop.

So I'm sure loads of people think she's a spoilt beast and I'm a crap mum, but it's battling against well-meaning relatives (in my case other dc, but I bet plenty of people have this from e.g. XP or doting grandparents)

I think most kids are strong willed. I've not come across many kids who will passively do what they are told so I'm not sure having a strong willed kid is anything special. That's just a kid being a kid.
Many adult jobs involve being able to work with other people, see other people's points of view and compromise. These are also important for having and keeping friends.
I agree many kids will persevere with their tantrum about some trivial crap, my kids both went through phases about this my son more than my daughter when they had to be sent to their room until they had calmed down and could talk about something else. I don't think having tantrums means a kid is spoilt. It's having a tantrum and expecting to get your own way so kids never know that this is not how you ask for something and making more noise doesn't improve your argueing skills that is the problem.

The dictonary defines spoilt as:Diminish or destroy the value or quality of something. So in this context I would say a spoilt child is one that is given far too much and as a result nothing has any real meaning to them. xx

You definitely don't want to raise a child who as a teenager ends up being referred through the courts for anger management courses because the way they have learnt to deal with opposition is to shout loudly and punch people.
Most people on here sound like sensible parents and being oppositional is just a stroppy stage kids go through. This is a stage where having 2 parents living together is handy to reduce the emotional intensity of it all and support each other. I found step parents can deal badly with this stage as well.
There are alot of adults who have never learnt the skill of discussing things and arguing without shouting though.

Ernest I actually think that's really sweet that her brothers are so kind to her! My youngest (dc3 not dc4 but still) has spent her 5 years being "toughened up" rather than spoilt by her older siblings. If she whined that she was thirsty in front of them she would get something like "stop whining and get a drink then" from the older 2!

Thanks for the Cheerful Yank. 3.30pm here and homework/meltdown time so could be time for a real one soon.

I've been thinking about this more today. I actually think you might hear more "spoilt" behaviours - crying/complaining/whatever - from my dcs (when they're little at least) precisely because I don't give them everything their own way. DD2 has just finished some dramatic tears because she wanted crisps after school but she hadn't eaten her apple or yoghurt from her packed lunch so basically had one sandwich since 6.30 this morning. Now if I had just given her the crisps she wouldn't be complaining but long-term I don't think it's a good message to leave your healthy stuff and eat junk instead. She ate the apple and the yoghurt in the end (after she'd sat on the stairs being dramatic for a while) then got a few crisps. When will they ever learn....sigh....I know I am "stricter" than average in the group of mums I know.

Havent read all of this, but just wanted to say to those coping with a 'stroppy' child, my DD1 was quite possibly the most oppositional child most people had ever come across (according to our GP anyway).

She was not easy to parent; I'm sure many observers would have thought she was a spoilt brat; but you learn to pick your battles.

She is 15 now; still a strong willed person but now she is older and more articulate she just says "mum, I didnt like being a child"!! Teachers etc love her; she works hard; she's her own person - doesnt cave in to peer pressure.

Stroppy kids grow up into strong adults if you can just bend with the wind along the way and ignore people who tut because your 8 year old is having a strop.

Three children I knew a few years ago were spolit with material goods to palm them off because the parents never really spent any time with them.

They had a babysitter every weekday evening from 6pm until 9pm while their Dad was down the pub working and their Mum was down the gym.

All three were cold and emotionless and I found it unnerving the way they appraised any adult that came into their zone with a calculating eye.

The five year old girl once asked me how much my handbag cost and when I refused to answer she sneered and walked away.

I never once saw them genuinely smile or play in a carefree way. Their laughter was nearly always mocking and their humour derogatory.

Their parents didn't just spoil their children, they spoilt their childrens' very souls.

I call them the 'institutionalised' kids. The ones whose parents have other priorities and don't really care who is looking after them.

This is not a nanny/working munms bash!! I see and know some fab nannies - but also see the ones who sit tappping on their phones, ignoring the kids, or screeching at the kids for bugger all. I have even seen one in a playpark fiddling on her phone as the toddler (about two) climbed up the climbing frame, wander over to the slidey down pole and drop straight down (and this was higher than my head height). Child bawling, nanny yelling at the child.

Boschy thank you, that is really good to know. My DH was apparently very difficult as a child but an easy teenager so I'm living in hope that the same goes for DS! DH is one of the most strong-minded and determined people I've ever met so his genes were bound to show in at least one of our dcs.

A child who won't play in mud.

Pic the phrase 'dodgy gene pool' is frequently used in this house :o
I know it is very hard when you are going through it.

Yes there is such a thing. I have found it comes to mean when a child gets so many presents on a daily basis that he/she no longer looks forward to his/her birthday or Christmas.