What is your definition of a spoilt child?

[lalaland3008]

Is there really such a thing, how does a child become spoilt?

My cousin's DD
My nephews
Sometimes I give into my DC because some battles aren't worth fighting. I don't think they are spoilt though (my Auntie does because I put DS2s shoes on for him the other week, only because we were running late, I had a migraine, and had to do a 45min journey home)

Nintendo DSi aged 6yrs, digital camera, iPod touch
DS1 had a digital camera for his 3rd birthday, it was a crap £20 job though! And my Mum bought them both cheap MP3s a couple of years ago, they both call them i-pods though they aren't. Does that mean they are spoilt?

"Can a 19 month old be spoilt?"
I know one mum who believed that telling her 19 MO off about ANYTHING is "public humiliation" and bad for his development, he turned into the most charmless child I know and unfortunatley is publically humiliated daily by his own lack of charm and lack of understanding of social rules, adults and children alike give him a bit of a wide berth!

I think there is a difference between spoiling a child with love and spoiling them with material gifts.
Further up thread someone said a spoilt child doesn't appreciate anything and I think that just about sums it up.

queenedith wow really? No whining past toddlerhood?! You have mighty unrealistichigh expectations!!

A child who wants for nothing, and there is nothing they want.

A child who feels they can treat others however they like without consequence.

The amount of children who hit, bite and push other children or take things from them without a second thought while their parents sit by and smile shocks me.

Child that has tantrums and gets his own way with parents caving into child's demands all the time. Child therefore has no firm and fair boundaries and is unreasonable and rude to the extreme.

A child that has so much money spent on him/her and has no idea of value. A high maintenance child with a big sense of entitlement. Never satisfied with material things and doesn't seem to value the more important things in life. Quite shallow and unappreciative.

You can never spoil a baby by the way. You can never give them enough cuddles! I'm just starting to introduce some boundaries with my 16 month old - not eating cat food etc.

I think that most children have the occassional tantrum past toddlerhood. No child is perfect. Being spoilt is not the occassional brattish behaviour, but a state of mind. A spoilt child is the type of child who has no appreciation of other people's feelings and lacks the ablity to compromise.

I think a child under two is very much a baby. The need for discipline really starts once a child can understand some speech. With a young mobile toddler you are keeping them and the house safe. A that sort of age their wants are very much their needs. A lot of misbehaviour at 19 months is caused by toddler curiousity and the in built desire to explore. It is pretty hopeless trying to reason with a non verbal child and distraction is the best approach to discipline problems. A non verbal child throws tantrums because they are non verbal. A non verbal child needs help to learn how to express strong emotions in an appriopiate fashion.

A spoilt child throws tantrums for affect. They are perfectly capable of speech, but choose not express their feelings in a civilised fashion. A spoilt child is malipulative in a way that toddler is simply not capable of.

Spoilt kids are given no responsibility, so they think everyone is there to wait on them.

They also tend to want for nothing and so know the value of nothing and just end up wanting more and more...therefore they're never very happy.

I feel sorry for spoilt kids...especially when they become teenagers because they really do tend to think that parents/teachers/authorities are just out to make their lives miserable...so they tend to hold a lot of anger and angst inside.

They just don't get that rules are there for the benefit of everyone because they tend not to be able to see past their own selfish little wants and desires.

A child for whom the word 'no' is rarely, if ever enforced.

A child who is aware that all they have to do is dig their heels in and back that up with a tantrum, to get their own way / what they want.

A child who alternately runs rings around its parents and/or has its parents wrapped around its litle finger.

The upshot is a thoroughly dislikable child. :(

Do the parents of these children think their children won't like or love them if they say no sometimes and mean it?

Are you all seeing the connection here? We all 'hate' a spoiled child, and even the term isn't very nice. How about we pay more attention to the spoiling adults who ensure these kids have a difficult time.....namely their parents!

It depends on the age of the child as to what you can expect and what would be considered spoilt.

DD2's friend is definitely spoilt I would say. At DD's 6th birthday party, she marched in, took a not-impressed look at the vast array of party food on the table and announced to me "I want ice-cream" (which was not there). I was about to answer with simply "er...no" but her mum was immediately there reassuring her that she could have ice-cream later. DD1 who is 11 got really annoyed about the girl's lack of manners! A couple of years ago I would have said her behaviour was within the realms of normal but now even her classmates are commenting on it. Their house is covered in wall-drawings because they can't seem to stop her.

What I often wonder is why do the parents let this happen? I realise the answer is not simple but to me it seems obvious that dcs will want things they can't have sometimes and will have to get used to that and will scream a bit until they learn that the screaming doesn't work. Why give into the screaming when it obviously means they will realise screaming gets them what they want therefore meaning they still do it when they are 6/7/8/9 etc.

Helena my 3yo DD once told a friend "don't worry, the cleaners will do it".

She has since been re-educated.

I do worry about her being spoilt. It's a reaction against my own childhood when I never had anything my friends had, because we simply couldn't afford them. But DD is usually happily fobbed off with a cheap toy costing 30p or a comic. I will buy her all the books in the world, but not plastic tat or anything expensive.

I do also think you need to pick your battles. Especially if you are a lone parent or your partner works long hours. Saying "no" can be really difficult without someone there to back you up. But say no, we must!

I think there's a big difference though between buying your child something because he/she wants it and you can afford to and would like to get it for them, and not wanting to buy it but feeling you have to because the child will kick off and you can't handle that. Or the child expecting something every time you go shopping. We always made a point of treats happening sometimes, not every time. My dcs know that if I'm going to say yes I will say it right away, and no will not become yes because of whining or pestering.

"queenedith wow really? No whining past toddlerhood?! You have mighty unrealistichigh expectations!!"

I am always fascinated by the differences in what people find acceptable behaviour in children.

I find whining for sweets, junk, about putting off chores or doing things when asked not just when they feel like it, or in blaming siblings rather than accepting responsibility for just about anything; all to be totally unacceptable and definitely a marker of a spoiled child.

It is interesting to see that others do not see it as such, and presumably find it tolerable and/or acceptable/normal.

There is certainly such a thing as a spoilt child!
One who expects things and doesn't appreciate them when they get them. One who expects their own way and has no thought for others.
I am still astounded by the earlier post of 'the nanny will do it'-what ever is the nanny thinking of? If I was the nanny he would be moving and picking up those toys NOW and being asked what his last servant died of!

QueenEdith - whining unacceptable? So what are the consequences for your dc if they whine, or do they never do it?

Curious because I never reward whining and my oldest DSs still do it. Mostly when hungry or tired but sometimes when they want something. I do all the things I'm supposed to (not give in, say I can't understand) but they still do it sometimes.

My oldest is 9, middle DS is 5.

Some kids are just difficult sometimes. Or maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Some just whine-especially when tired.

As said in my first post; yes they whine. Yes, I think this is a sign that my children can behave like spoiled brats. I do my best to ignore it, never change my mind and give in and say no (at least, not these days), and model (or just tell them) ways of making their point in a more productive way. And lots and lots of reminders to start again in a nice voice.

I'm undoing bad habits from earlier, so it takes a while. Identical management to persistent tantrum throwers really, I suppose.

And, especially with the older two, the difference in getting rid of most/all of their spoilt brat behaviour has been huge and positive for all of us.

I don't think whining makes a child "spoilt".
It makes them a child. Probably a frustrated or tired one.

It's actually quite heartening to realise that I may be wrong on this one, and that what I considered to be a spoiled brat behaviour in my DCs is actually no such thing to the MN jury. Perhaps I'm not doing a bad job after all!

I don't think tantrums (even at an older age) are necessarily a sign of the child being spoilt- some children are very highly strung and will go on having them for a long time despite never ever have been indulged.

The clue to me is not to much in the behaviour of the child - which might be caused by all sorts of things- as in the behaviour of the parents. If you see the parents always caving in and never prepared to put up with their child playing second fiddle, then you do get suspicious about the reasons for poor behaviour.

A spoilt child in my definition is one who has never been presented with the necessity of giving way to other people.

Me!
I was an only child growing up just after the war. The whole family focussed on me and my wants /needs yet apparently I never appeared spoilt because nobody ever ever said no! When I was 3 I was asked my name and said " I'm Priority " because that's what dgp said whenever there was something extra on rations etc. They would say "the bairn's priority now!" I suppose it was fortunate that I didn't much want things and liked reading and playing quietly.

A child will whine if it gets them what they want-some will still do it even if it never gets the result. The same with tantrums-they will do it if it gets a result, but some will do it for other reasons. My DS1 did it longer than normal because he was a perfectionist and got very frustrated with himself.
I would say that cory was right-one who has never been presented with the necessity of giving way to other people.
The child who said 'the nanny will do it' was a prime example. He was allowed to think that she was there to clear up after him and 'the nanny' shows she was like an object of lesser worth. If she was doing her job properly she would get him used to putting away his own things and she would say tartly ' I don't call you 'child' -I have a name too and you are to use it'.
It is just a question of thinking of others too and respecting their feelings. It isn't easy for a child, they are 'me','me','me' and they have to be helped to understand that they are not the centre of the universe! Some find it easier than others.

A child whose parents don't follow through with 'no' and don't pull them up on bad manners.

Agree it's a child who wants and expects their own way all the time. Usually it is overindulgent parenting. They ignore any instructions from the parents because there aren't consequences for not doing as they are told, they interrupt, they snatch, they tantrum if they don't get their own way and expect their tantrums to get what they want, not be ignored.
Most kids are self centred (esp preschool ones) but good parenting should be socialising them to be less so.
Whining when tired or hungry is normal. If a kid just whines for the sake of whining they should be told to go away and come back when they can talk without whining. Whining back at them works well.
For me material goods don't come into it. Expecting to be bought stuff and always get stuff instantly is spoilt behaviour, but I wouldn't think a kid was spoilt just because they have alot of stuff.