What is your definition of a spoilt child?

[lalaland3008]

Is there really such a thing, how does a child become spoilt?

Oh dearie me von i take it "princess" gets on your wick

Def saying 'no' (or lack of it).

A little girl I know is lovely, but never hears the word 'no'. I only see her occasionally, and I feel sad each time as she's creeping along the 'spoilt' path, purely because she gets the best of everything, lots and lots of it and is never told no. Soon I fear she will be a spoiled brat, but it will be entirely friends/family's fault. At christmas she got something like 30 presents, she often has so much for birthday or Christmas that she's opening presents days in advance, so even the big day is spoilt for her, it is no longer 'the big day' but a long drawn out gimme gimme time.

She barely looks at what she has (but always has 1 eye on what other people have). She goes to so many parties that they are a chore for her. (She tantrums that she doesn't want to go, but I'm sure she enjoys herself when there) WHen I was a kid they were a rare and real treat. I feel sorry for her that even the fun of a friend's birthday party is no longer fun. She's only 4!

But she is really lovely sweet darling girl, but like I say, every time I see her, I feel it's a shame. If she asks for something, she is usually told yes, if mum tries to say no, she hits or kicks her mum. She'll get a slap, then mum will feel guilty for hitting her and usually get it anyway. sigh.

Disagree with it being a sign of spoiltness with a young child getting 'older' things like iPods sooner. I have a 12 year old, 11 year old and 8 year old. The 8 year old idolises his 12 year old brother, and they play together a lot, inc. iPod games, he has for ages been desperate for his own iPod. Due to age we have resisted a long time, but for his 9th birthday, he will get the iPod. I'm sure a lot of parents in his class will be judge and thinks it's spoilt that such a young child has such an expensive present.

OTOH, for his 8th birthday, his friend bought him a lego 'cars' set. My 3 year old dd is into 'Cars'. My 8 yr old thought it was a bit babyish, but v. politely and cheerfully I hasten to add said thank you and they had fun building it together. If a kid has older siblings, or indeed none or younger ones will likely affect his tastes and likes.

What you end up with is a 9 year old who (still gets called fucking Princess, esp by Daddy) pouts, stamps feet, bosses all the other girls around and wears twinkly shoes, hair clips, twinkly lipgloss to school and has a shitzu/chihuahua/bischon frise style dog thats pulled around like a toy

And they are still like that when they are 25

when they are still like that at 29 she has lots of twinkley shiny things no dog though

Spot on Mrsjay, how ever did you guess!!! teehee. Actually, it's quite funny now as she just looks rediculous, bless her.....

Saltire Nooooo! Are you busy, a lot, when SIL tries to get together with you?!

I try not to see her, but ti difficult as she spends all her time at ILs she is aorund a lot when we visit.

She wears sparkly pink and lilac and has a small dog (which IlL buy food for and pay insurance and boosters). She wears bows and ribbons and does pouty duck face in all pics!

My friend's DD and her total refusal at the age of 12 to lift a finger in the house. Any request is met with a total silence and one raised eyebrow.

This includes homework!

It makes foam at the mouth and her parents just sigh and let her get away with it.

I think the definition depends on the age.
I wouldn't necessarily classify a child who owns pretty much "everything" as spoilt, if he/she is kind and generous to other human beings.

Spoilt children (lets talk about 8-10yrs old) are those who never want to compromise with their friends, who boss other people around, who throw hissy fits at parents for no particular reason when they aren't toddlers anymore.

A lot of what is thought to indicate a child is "spoilt" is really more a symptom of a lack of connection.

Adults try to compensate for that with stuff, but it is not the real problem.

by which I mean that the stuff is not the real problem. Children need to feel a sense of connection just as much as they need boundaries (being told NO).

I agree, it's not so much "stuff" that makes a child spoilt. More their expectation of it and lack of any boundaries to moderate their demands.

Totally agree HoleyGhost.

I do think that spoilt children are a direct result of parenting choices. Parent's have nobody to blame but themselves if their child ends up a spoilt brat.

The worst one I've seen is being parented by what I am told is "child-led" parenting techniques and goes to a Forest School where apparently they are 'unfettered'. I haven't read up on it, but from what I gather you let the child acquire the skills in their own time - and by contrast the parents think I am a dictator. But if you don't tell them to use the word 'sorry', then how the hell do they pick it up themselves? Oh and they are actually proud of their DD - think she will be a future star of the Apprentice due to her negotiating / manipulating skills.

The sad thing, is that I have heard the same parents who go on about how fabulous little Johnny is, let slip that sometimes they really don't like spending time with him ...... and then get all embarassed! I think they end up too scared to confront the behaviour, and end up in a vicious cycle.

By the way the kid I knew at school who had anything she wanted, a country house oozing in luxury, gypsy caravan in the garden, pony etc etc, was the most modest and kindest in the class. I never heard her boast, even when other kids were involved in a bragging competition, and she could have won hands down! A lovely family who insisted on good manners created lovely kids, despite great wealth which some will say spoils kids. I had no idea about their wealth aged 7-10. I knew she had a nice big house (I wasn't that dim to not notice the carpets ...) but I never ever heard her do anything that could be counted as spoiled.

To me the absolute worst version of spoiled is kids who demand things, and don't notice their parents are going without / going into debt for them, or making their parents run around like slaves at their beck and call, and the idiot parents who are letting them do it.

I wonder if I could turn the question around and ask what behaviour people think a spoilt child will display?

If my child is stamping and crying and shouting 'more more more', does that mean the person who sees him at that precise moment will assume he is spoilt?

I once saw an example of a 'spoilt' child and it was interesting when a stranger intervened to see the reaction of the mother and child.

I was in a long queue in a supermarket and a girl of about 8 was having a screaming tantrum at her mum because mum wouldn't get her sweets. Mum kept saying no over and over again whilst loading the conveyor at the check out.

The screams grew louder until eventually the Mum snapped and said "Oh for God's sake just get some then". I must admit I groaned as did the rest of the queue and the girl ran off and in a random panic grabbed two packets of sweets and slammed them down at the check with a look of pure smug triumph on her face.

An old lady who was in the queue behind me reached over, removed the sweets and put them back on the shelves. The mum went red with embarrassment and the girl looked shocked and then stared at the floor.

Then they left in silence. It was horrible to witness a mum's humiliation though.

A friend once huffed when an art gallery staff member asked her to stop her son kicking his ball around in the gallery. Her response was that it was a community art gallery and he, as part of that community, was simply expressing an his own form of art through kicking the football around.

Needless to say, I see this child as spoilt.

My child is gifted.
Your child is precocious.
Their child is spoilt.

two sorts of spoiling:

letting children have whatever they want
letting children do whatever they want.

now i think the first is less harmful, as after all if you can give your child the things they want, why not? On the other hand letting children have things when they aren't being good/ asking nicely i disapprove of - but that's more to do with behaviour.

letting kids be rude, violent, get away with whatever, is worse...my DH and his bro were pretty much allowed to do whatever. i don't think this made them any happier, quite the opposite.

you will sometimes see my children demanding sweets. in horrible annoying ways, screaming and crying. this doesn't mean they are spoilt - if i had already given the item in question without first obtaining good behaviour/demeanor - then they'd be spoilt.

I'm not sure about the "stuff" really. A girl we know is a Princess - her dad in particular calls her that name all the time with pride in his voice. She is basically a nice kid, we've had her over to play and would again, but she literally gets every single thing she asks for - that can't be good can it? She is 8 and has 4 inch stilettos, for example, which she can't walk in, but she wanted them so they bought them. She also got all the American Girl doll stuff recently - hundreds of pounds worth of dolls and clothes and accessories. It just makes me a bit uncomfortable, not sure why really.

Pico the Princess I know is like that too. Mum places so much importance on her Louboutins and Jimmy Choos, Princess thinks the only things that should have value placed on them are flash, chavvy expensive things.

EdlessAllanPoe I don't really connect giving things to my dcs to their behaviour, although they are told to ask nicely and not whine, if that's what you mean?

Answering DuelingFanjo "If my child is stamping and crying and shouting 'more more more', does that mean the person who sees him at that precise moment will assume he is spoilt?"

If a person sees my child stamping and crying and shouting "more more more" at one precise moment and concludes that he is spoilt then that person's opinion is not worth having.

that is what i mean. No should mean No though...and no amount of whining should change it.

giving your kids things because they have tantrumed to get them = more tantrums on the way....

No not for screaming 'more, more, more' - but if they see you giving in to them, without any remonstrating, the child not apologising etc then its not an unreasonable conclusion to draw.