What is your definition of a spoilt child?

[lalaland3008]

Is there really such a thing, how does a child become spoilt?

SIl is spoiled. she's 25.

ohmygosh123 the kind of things I mean are things like ice-creams or comics not anything all that impressive! But still, they don't get something every time, just sometimes.

Whoever was shocked about the kid saying the nanny will pick up the toys - you should witness some expat families for a day and see how often this happens! Where we live everyone has a maid and many people have two. I realise this isn't a normal situation but believe me, it doesn't take long for the kids to get the spoilt attitude if you let them. Every day when I pick my dcs up from school I see kids literally throwing their backpacks at the maid who has been sent to collect them, then running off to play. They then refuse to come back and get into the car, and the maid can't do anything about it. Our maid is instructed to leave toys on the floor or put them in a black bag if they are not picked up. We did have one glimpse of expat brat behaviour from DS when he spilled a bit of milk on his t-shirt one morning, then went to change the t-shirt. When I told him to just sponge off the spill he replied "it's fine, the maid will wash the t-shirt." Nipped that one in the bud!

Interesting thread.

I think children can be spoilt (mostly be their parents) and it does often last for the rest of their lives. The main areas would be:

• a sense of entitlement. I deserve blah, blah, blah and I deserve it more than someone else. Don't these sorts of people just wind you up?! And they seem to be becoming more common.
• a lack of appreciation and gratefulness for what they do have and a desire for more, more, more.

Sorry presse dpost too soon

She ahs tantrums, actual foot stompign tantrums. very embarassing I can tell you . But she know its works, she knows that her DH and FIL and SMIL will give in to her.
I am not even going to go into the tantrum she had in a v posh restauran tin Edinburgh on a fmaily meal out. My DSes 14 and 12 were like and afterwards DS1 said "mum Auntie x made a right fool of herself with her behaviour, the people in the restaurant were all looking and tutting"

knowotumean, indeed! I got so much of the 'you must be spoilt because you're an only child' as a child (parents were very strict in comparison to my friends' parents). As a result I felt I had to be even more doormatty than everyone else to 'prove' I wasn't spoilt. Still do
I remember being horrified at one of my friends (aged 10ish) calling her dad by his first name and saying 'Your driving's terrible and you have awful taste in music! I want to put Bros on!' and promptly shoving one of her own tapes in the cassette deck. I would have been out on the side of the road faster than a speeding bullet if that had been me..

Just had to answer the door to DD's friend's driver who has been sent to bring her home. These kids are certainly priveleged, but they aren't necessarily spoilt. Totally different things.

I think it's as others have said, DC who no one ever says no to. Who get their own way, or are given theings they don't need.

I may differ to people here I don't think spoilt is a material thing really, you can be privileged without being spoilt.

I think spoilt is someone who has been aloud to become so self absorbed to the point of being obnoxious.

I think its something that is better recognised in older children , even the nicest small kids can be brats sometimes.

*allowed god can't spell.

ohmygosh123 Tue 22-May-12 09:33:30
"Its quite funny copying a child's tantrum (as long as its in your own home!) - amazing how quickly they stop.........."

That would depend on why they are having a tantrum and how far gone they are. Can't imagine it would have done much for the little boy whose tantrums were a reaction to watching his mum going downhill with a terminal illness. Or the child who is completely wound up or overtired. Or the highly strung child who has a tantrum because she is a perfectionist and feels she has let herself down.

Not all children tantrum because they want to get something. My db used to do it because he was traumatised- we often got judged and had comments passed by complete strangers (remember a frightening instance of being pursued down the street by a mob of women shouting "beat him, beat him"). There was nothing you could give him to bribe him to stop: he needed to get the tension out.

For me to conclude that tantrums=being spoilt, I would have to know the family; I have stopped making snap judgments about strangers.

I find whining for sweets, junk, about putting off chores or doing things when asked not just when they feel like it, or in blaming siblings rather than accepting responsibility for just about anything; all to be totally unacceptable and definitely a marker of a spoiled child.

It is interesting to see that others do not see it as such, and presumably find it tolerable and/or acceptable/normal.

QueenEdith that last paragraph sums up about every child sometimes and a lot of adults.

is this the kind of thing a journalist or a researcher might ask?

teaaddict, there is a third line between seeing behaviour as acceptable and concluding that the child must have been spoilt by adults- and that is being aware that some children are capable of being difficult off their own bat

some children who blame others have been very strictly brought up- sometimes, perhaps, too strictly; they do it because they are not very brave and want to stay out of trouble

some children are naturally so argumentative that they will prefer being punished every time rather than giving in the first time (I was such a child in my young days, have mellowed with age)

this doesn't mean my parents thought my behaviour was acceptable or were prepared to overlook it; it just meant I cared more about getting my own way than about avoiding punishment

I could name names...

Kids who want everything, never hear the word 'no', who always get away with murder because their parents excuse bad behaviour, they never say 'please' or 'thank you' because you are there to serve, who lie to get their own way (not because the are deprived, just because they can). They do not empathise because they can't see past their own 'bubble world'.

A child who gets material goods instead of attention.

children who dont understand No what it means, a child who will throw a hissy fitif they don't get their own way,
a child who will be horrid to other children because of jealousy and they are not centre of attention ,
that to me is a spoiled child and it is the parents doing not the childs fault , obviously not little children but maybe over the age of 4 or 5 then you are entering into spoiled child territory .

oh and i dont think stuff and things can't make a child spoiled I know the lovliest kids who have everything and appreciate their things ,

DS has 'things' but he is not spoiled. I have never ever let him get away with being ruide, cheeky or mean. I am probably a bid hard on him (in comparison to other mums) but maybe its a northern thing.

He is quite happy go lucky and polite by nature, and both his dad and me are very honest and 'polite' folks.

I don't see whining about chores as being acceptable.

DC sometimes whine about chores. I sometimes whine about chores.

We still do it.

We are not spoilt.

And regarding ipad/ipods/DS etc as birthday gift but not for no reason: I made it a point that our DSi was bought for no reason other than that it will be fun for all the family. (Nobody gets such an expensive toy for their own use, surely!) I still maintain that we are not spoilt.

I know spoiled twins teenagers their mum didnt have a lot of money so they didnt have things so she compinsated by letting them do whatever they want she now has 1 who tells her mother to Fuck off she will do the fuck what she likes and storms out , to go and stay at friends , Mum is to balme for the behaviour she knows its her own fault deep down I feel sorry for her as she is now scared of her own children , she excuses behaviour as rebellion against her seperation , their dad has always been in their lives and they were a year old ,

I mean we still do the chores. Of course we still whine now and then too.

dueilingfanjo I'm not a journo or doing research just thought it would be an interesting topic as I'm sure we all have that moment where we think, is my child spoilt?

bad parenting makes children spoilt

spoilt children are the ones that demand things and that their bad behaviour has no consequences

Having been in childcare for over 20 years, I have seen plenty of spoilt children and it is generally because parents haven't told their child "No"

Of course our own children can act spoiled I have had tantrums and foot stamping i think thats natural we al want things our own way sometimes , i have foot stomped . But if the behaviour is all the time each and every day the kids is so absorbed in themselves then thats when the spoildness comes in ( is spoildness a word )

My sister is lovely but very self absorbed and spoiled and cant see past herself , which is fustrating at times ,

Parents who want, no insist, their daughter is a Princess from a very young age and call her it at every opportunity only using real name when the brattishness has reached unbearable climax stage.

What you end up with is a 9 year old who (still gets called fucking Princess, esp by Daddy) pouts, stamps feet, bosses all the other girls around and wears twinkly shoes, hair clips, twinkly lipgloss to school and has a shitzu/chihuahua/bischon frise style dog thats pulled around like a toy.

Ugh. Get the feeling I know Princess??!! Parents pick up at home time with the promise of Pizza Hut, McD's, KFC or whatever and she struts off giving everyone dirty looks.