What is your definition of a spoilt child?

[lalaland3008]

Is there really such a thing, how does a child become spoilt?

long queue in a supermarket and a girl of about 8 was having a screaming tantrum ... because mum wouldn't get her sweets. Mum kept saying no over and over again whilst loading the conveyor at the check out.

The screams grew louder until eventually the Mum snapped and said "Oh for God's sake just get some then".

Don't you think the mother only cracked because she was already so embarrassed, and wanted to do ANYTHING to stop everyone staring at her & bratty offspring? Seems to me like she couldn't get it right. Either she made the child shut up & gave people back a half-way peaceful shopping environment, or she gave in & you all judged her for weak parenting. Complete Lose-Lose situation.

I say no all the time & have to put up with persistant stressful whining. It's getting to the point where I feel like dawdling as long as possible near the tills, just so the staff + customers can all listen to the loud whinging at great length, and finally learn that the flipside of Pester Power isn't worth suffering thru so moving the ruddy sweets and toys away from till areas in future, won't you!!??. But I am an Ass who doesn't care if you all get to listen to my children's tantrums at length.

I'm amazed that the old lady put the sweets back! I wouldn't have dared!

If DS looks like he is going to start whinging or 'I want', I just point out to him that I can be louder and ruder and more embarassing than he ever could, so did he want me to show him?

I have to agree with the posters who mentioned boundries personally i think that is spot on Lack of boundries make a spoilt child It really sums it up for me ,

Maybe it depends which generation you ask as well. DH's GM always used to say DD was spoilt because she had several different outfits as a baby.

Yes the older generation definitely think having nice things or doing nice things make syou spoilt.

My nan used to say we were spoilt as we went on nice holidays etc, no my parents worked bloody hard and saved like mad to enjoy their two weeks off work. We totally appreciated it and at the end of the day it was their own money. We now do the same thing but our DCs aren't spoilt, like most kids they would be just as happy staying in a caravan for a week rather than a flash holiday.

AdventuresWithVoles

It's getting to the point where I feel like dawdling as long as possible near the tills, just so the staff + customers can all listen to the loud whinging at great length, and finally learn that the flipside of Pester Power isn't worth suffering thru so moving the ruddy sweets and toys away from till areas in future, won't you!!??. But I am an Ass who doesn't care if you all get to listen to my children's tantrums at length.

HOw Funny, I already do this - esp in marks and sparks express tills where I live, if she kicks off there i dont do much to quieten her down, she is wanting something because they have deliberalty placed it there for her to do this...so let them whine there i say!!!

A child whose parents haven't read Unconditional Parenting. It sums up everything that is wrong (despite seeming counter-intuitive initially, the science is clear) with rewards such as material objects or verbal praise (as well as punishment).

ohmygosh123

Totally agree and funnily enough I know someone involved in forest school and her daughter is a violent brat!

Really sneeky looking to hit and stuff for two years at any opportunity! She does absoluty nothing and is the wettest parent I have ever seen.

We were at a school fete once and her DD jumped on a small childs head, when the mother furious started to say - whose child is this, whilst craddling her screaming baby - this mum simply got defensive and didnt even make DD apologise.

I would be mortified if my DD hurt other children like that.

That to me is spoilt.

I totally agree that " stuff" doesnt neccasrily mean spoilt - i know of lots of children who have a well stocked play room who are the most sweet lovley children.

A child with no material things - can be very spoilt.

Boundairies, empthay - thinking about others....being kind, sharing etc.

I haven't read Unconditional Parenting.

Going to pick up children now and shall observe closely to see if they are spoilt.

Adventures

But why did the mum give in when she was so close to paying and getting the hell out of there? One more minute and she was clear...........

Those who have read unconditional parenting are likely to end up with the spoilt children!

Especially since the majority don't understand it! They think that you ask a DC if it is a 'good idea' to throw a stone, rather than saying 'put that down now!' ( the child in question thought it was a 'good idea' and hit another 2 year old on the head).

a child who is given what they want and not what they need .

mo plenty of children who are given all the latest stuff but will their fucking parents put them to bed at a decent hour or give them a decent meal that is not fished off with chips ffs

children who are texting on their blackberry's and iphones, wearing £100 nike trainers

looting and rioting and telling journalists with a straight face they are doing it because they are poor

A kid I work with seems to get a whole load of stuff (he even says so himself) but he is so very very grateful and polite.

I am so glad dd wasn't of the whingy variety. She did try it once age 3, when we were out shopping. I gave her the option of stopping whinging or going home. She stopped the whinging, we got on with the shopping and she didn't do it again.

However, she's 17 now. She doesn't whinge, but then she doesn't do much of anything.

To me a spoilt child is a product of poor parenting. I don't mean that to get at parents because it's a bloody hard job!

I wouldn't say a child who has a hissy or tantrum at 'no' above the age of 3 because some children do this despite consistant and IMO good parenting.

To me it's the children who do it because they know it will get them what they want - spoilt behaviour is a learnt behaviour, taught by parents who give in!

It is DCs who know that they can manipulate the parent to get their own way- which is why it is ridiculous to say that UP doesn't produce them. They are just as likely as any other parenting method, depending on the personalities involved.

The DC whose parents seem to actively teach them that rules - what ever they are a places rules, basic rules of politeness, respecting other people and their property - just don't apply to them.

I've seen this done with friends with wet non firms very rare nos, actively telling the DC to ignore rules, not correcting appalling behavior.

The DC are very easy to tell off - I've had to do it with each on rare occasions when I could no longer avoid and I've seen the grandparents do it as well.

There is an odd dynamic in the family though the parents constantly undermine each other and then there are three 'sets' of grandparents actively undermine the parents and each other. The parents also genuinely don't think rules apply to their DC though they and their DC are the first to complain if any one else tries to behave the same way.

LeQueen
It's any child who wilfully ignores their parents (reasonable requests), and throws a huff if ordered to comply, and then sulks.

That's a worry as we get this. Doesn't do them any good as it brings them consequences but they still try it and the eldest is 6.5 years.

I would say that LeQueen has summed it up.
Probably the parents most likely produce one are the 'my child, my rules' type one, because it simply isn't true.

I've never read any parenting books never mind Unconditional Parenting. My kids are far from spoilt. They are polite and considerate and, most times, will not lash out unless provoked big time (they have lashed out at each other). Everyone they have come in contact with has said the same.

There's nowt better than flying by the seat of your pants when bring up kids . I've had great fun raising my kids with very little help.

Children of parents who try to be 'mates' rather than -er- parents.

You are probably much better off without any books, PackItInNow. Unfortunately UP is the easiest to get completely wrong.