AIBU to be incensed by this pregnancy announcement on FB?

[CCsgirl]

Acquaintance on FB has just announced that she is " gunna be a mammy for the first time!!!!". She was with the father for 2 weeks and he is now in jail. She says as far as she is concerned her baby "dusnt av a daddy". She has been in her job for 4 weeks. 37 congratulations on her status so far. AIBU to be totally incensed that this is seen as acceptable and something to be congratulated?

"But I stand by what I have said. I strongly disagree that being open minded, friendly and accepting in these circumstances is a positive thing."

So you are going with narrow-minded, judgemental and rejecting as the positive way to behave? Who gave you a crystal ball and the ability to predict her future?

She's not in the ideal situation but then not many people are. If someone is waiting for the ideal moment to have a baby they could be waiting forever, because there isn't one.

The more you post, the worse you sound and I'm sure she and her baby are better off with you out of their lives.

Frequently, I tell myself that you can't change other people but you can control your responses to them. I also tell DH this when he gets road rage at bad drivers

In this situation, you can't change your friend OP but you have a choice in how you respond. I couldn't disagree more with your statement that you don't want to extend your warmth to her. Don't pick and choose who you're nice to, be nice to everyone whether you agree with them/like them or not.

Something I try to live by. I don't always succeed but think sometimes people are sent to us to test our patience, tolerance and compassion. This is about you, not her, OP - try to remember that.

You can think what you like, but always act with good grace and compassion.

I personally find that hefty doses of condemnation are not the best gift to give any new baby.

FFS
The whole premise of this OP is utter bollocks.
Some woman you dont really know is having a baby in circumstances you know fuck all about with a man you have never met.
You dont really know if she is happy or terrified (though I suspect you would get more pleasure from her being terrified).
You dont know if the baby was planned although you are assuming it was and a deliberate act to get hold of tax payers money AND piss you off personally.
You also seem to think that your approval is asked for or needed which is egocentric to say the least.

You write an unpleasant OP making great play of the mother to be's text speak just to drive home what an utter wrong un she really is.

You are being mean, judgemental and just a tad delusional.

I know who I would prefer to have as a FB friend.

Only if you dont mind left wing rants, odd stories about my odd children and a lot of swears

Den I will cum bak at u wiv sum bare lyriks fam.

Seen?

brrrrrrraaap

Of course you ANBU to be utterly incensed.
Give her a knitting needle and tell her to sort the little bastard out.

[insert eye roll emoticon]

My heart is beating fast just reading this.

I got pregnant at 21, the dad and I had been together 2 weeks for what we thought was a quick rebound fling, he was still married (but separated) to his ex, I worked 40 hours a week, but in a temp job so of course I stopped getting offered work and ended up sleeping on my mum's sofa. I got such bad morning sickness that I started weeing blood, and for the first six months I probably went out of the house about 10 times. The baby was born prematurely, probably because she wasn't getting enough nutrients.

While stuck at my mums house, I could only manage to go online, where I would find horrible abusive messages from so called "friends", telling me that I should be ashamed of myself for having an unplanned pregnancy, that I shouldn't dare to show my face or share any baby news online as people might see and be offended. Mutual acquaintances still act like this was some kind of argument between equals and not two or three professional women in their forties bullying a vulnerable 21 year old.

People who actually honestly seemed to think they were my friends would tell me that there was no way that they would ever "allow" themselves to get pregnant (I literally had unprotected sex once - I was always the most careful of my friends and had only one boyfriend before this, and my friends wouldn't even carry condoms in their handbags when meeting up with men that they intended to sleep with)

Once the baby was born, I started hearing voices and seeing the bullies everywhere, I would be too scared to go anywhere and I was petrified of hurting my baby because everyone had said I would be a bad mother. I was so ill that I ended up in mental hospital several times.

Why did people feel the need to be so horrible? It was an awful situation and I was petrified, and when I tried to be happy about my baby, everyone would shoot me down.

But, still, I suppose I can spell and I read the Guardian, so that's ok

DD1 is 5 now, and she (and her 2yo little sister) are the absolute focus of my life. We are pretty poor, but the kids spend loads of time outdoors, DD1 is a very fluent reader, DD2 knows most of her letters, they have a loving family, they both talk so clearly and with such a large vocabulary for their ages that people are amazed. I am happily married to their Dad. Not that any of that should matter.

Wow Britta :( That is awful that you were treated that way.

OP, Britta's post is why people think you are being such a bitch. Are you proud of yourself?

Agree with Bogey.

Britta, what those people did/said reflects only on them. How you were treated WAS and still is appalling.

No excuse. None. Ever.

There is a difference between "congratulations, I wish you the best and that you are happy" and "well done for making excellent life choices - more people should do exactly what you have done"

FGS. Most people on here have been pregnant. Remember how scary it was the first time? If it was planned, I bet you read all the books, talked to friends and so on. Even if it wasn't, if you had supportive family, the baby had a good dad, you had a secure career or you at least were secure in your own identity, it would have been easier.

Now imagine you are young, vulnerable, scared. Your boyfriend was a shit who got locked up and now will not be there for you even as a separated co parent. You have no source of income other than benefits - you had a job for four weeks but now that is gone. On top of all that you are pregnant.

In that situation, would you be able to deal with people judging you? Or would you need support to focus on the new baby and make life as good as possible?

Britta it is horrible that you went through that.

"...Your boyfriend was a shit who got locked up..."

Britta, the guy was hardly a boyfriend, they had been together for 2 weeks.
I think I need to become a much better person and be more compassionate, I cannot help but feel so sorry for that baby who is coming to the world in the worst possible circumstances. It is no wonder social services are at breaking point and so many children are taken into care.

Jus wanna holla out to me cuzzez.
Boooyakashaaaaaaa!
Big up dah MN txt spk posse dem.

So because the circumstances are less than ideal that means she isn't capable of looking after her children? That's a big conclusion to jump to!

yeah, no wonder SS are at breaking point when the COMMUNITY these babies are born into are so cruel and unsupportive and drive mums like this to breaking point!

timetoask
Are you assuming that the young woman in the OP will need the support of social services?

And as for 'the worst possible circumstances' - are you serious?

I can think of a many circumstances worse than a 20 year old single woman who seems to overjoyed at the prospect of becoming a mother.

its people like the OP who turn a situation that is perhaps a bit less than ideal, into a terrible one!

Britta, I think you are wonderfully brave and I really look up to you. You sound amazing.

I became pregnant when I was 18, I was unemployed living with my parents and DP was a student working part-time. Guess what? I was still delighted :) DP and I knew we had our work cut out for us but took the challenge in our stride. There were people who were horrible about my pregnancy and MIL was so ashamed that she refused to even tell her other children about it. I lost all of my friends, Every single one of them.

Five years later we are happily renting (through choice) a lovely home in a nice area. DP is in a great paying IT job and has been promoted four times already, I'm a happy SAHM and we are currently TTC baby no.2.

Our circumstances were less than ideal but that didn't mean we couldn't change them. We did and we are happy. I know I'm a we are great parents and DS couldn't be happier.

I'm sure I would have been deleted from your facebook back then and TBH I wouldn't have cared. I like positivity in my life, It's what kept me and DP going when things were hard.

How on earth do you know this woman wont be a good mother?

She is clearly delighted to be pregnant which is why she is getting congratulated.

I really don't understand why you think this is the worse possible circumstance. You need to read the news more.

Very unpleasant.