AIBU to be incensed by this pregnancy announcement on FB?

[CCsgirl]

Acquaintance on FB has just announced that she is " gunna be a mammy for the first time!!!!". She was with the father for 2 weeks and he is now in jail. She says as far as she is concerned her baby "dusnt av a daddy". She has been in her job for 4 weeks. 37 congratulations on her status so far. AIBU to be totally incensed that this is seen as acceptable and something to be congratulated?

THATIS No, i don't think so, i think OP is right in that she is misdirecting her anger at this woman when shes actually angry at society having these situations coming up... i think

and I don't think anyone would say that it is YOUR duty to be getting in an providing personal empathy and support for her. You and her have different beliefs or at the very least different experiences and circumstances and you don't need to like or accept each other personally.

You would hate the status updates on my Facebook OP.
One girl had her DD when she was 16 and is pregnant with her 2nd at 18, with a different father.

FWIW she is a brilliant mum.

I haven't kept a close eye on her behaviour through choice, she updates FB very, very regularly about each new partner. Yes, I should have deleted her, I have now. Some people have made some valid points I will honestly consider. None of you know her, or her background and I think this has all influenced how I feel about how she lives her life. But I accept I have judged her, and I'm afraid I will continue to do so

I am just curious as to why you decided to post about this on a parenting website, where many of the users may have fallen pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. What kind of response do you expect? I have no objection to non-parents using mumsnet btw, just seems an odd place to whinge about how you believe this woman is not allowed to be happy about her pregnancy.

She can be happy about her pregnancy, of course she can, doesn't mean I have to be. Maybe I'm jealous, I have waited 34 years to be in what I consider to be the right place to have a baby and may have waited too long

OP being responsible can be shitty. DP & i have spent the last 10 years dealing with dying parents while everyone else get on with life.

I think you will be a better parent for being responsible.

'it doesn't mean I have to be'
Doesn't mean you have to start a nasty thread about it either.
This has got fuck all to do with 'how we got to this'. Women having babies with rubbish men for ever.
We didn't have Facebook in the 30's etc so your sensibilities would not ave been troubled by this unpleasantness.
A crochet hook may have been judiciously employed, a baby abandoned or forcibly removed by nuns back then.
Ahhh the good old days

is that not the crux then ccs? You have been trying really hard and sacrificing things to do what you believe to be "the right thing". She has got something you want, in fact what seems to be the ultimate goal of your sacrifices (is that over-stating it? Unsure) in circumstances you feel to be the exact opposite of that. Perhaps it is time to re-asses your choices too just to see whether your priorities may have changed re; having a child yourself and what compromises you might consider making to your original plan if you find things have changed?

ok, i think i can kind of see the the real issue now. In your opinion this woman has not made all the sacrifices taken on the responsibilities that you have done/made, you've had to wait to be in the right place, right time, now your into your 30's your worried you've waited til now and it may not happen? have i read it right or am i way off mark here? btw, people in their 30s 40s and early 50's are having healthy babies so if it is the above then i wouldn't be worried if i were you!

I have had three children since my oh was dx with MS. Hell, one is even adopted.
Hardley 'ideal' I would imagine in your mind.

xpost

If age is the real issue here, two of mine were born in my 40s.
You are not exactly passed it.
Stop taking out your anxieties on this woman who, for all you know, may be putting a brave face on it.

I think I understand where you are coming from O.P. But please don't judge until you know this woman's background.

I was abused as a child. Later, my parents split up in my adolescent years. I had a mother who loved us, but only put food on the table and clothes in our wardrobes. We were never pushed, or given much aspiration. I failed everything in school due to PTSD.

I had no 'life plan' I had no idea of the possibilities in the world. I met a guy who showed me kindness and understanding for the first time in my life. We got together briefly. I got pregnant. I was 20. I chose to keep the baby. I worked for a few years earning about £50 more than if I had stayed on the dole.

At play groups, I met middle-class yummy mummies with attitudes like yours. They didn't see me, all they saw was a young un-married girl, with no money and no friends. They more or less shunned me. They believed I had 'chosen' to be poor and unmarried, which I guess I had, but in what way did I 'choose' it O.P.?

You see YOU CAN ONLY CHOOSE AMONG THE OPTIONS YOU MENTALLY BELIEVE ARE ATTAINABLE AND ACTUALLY AVAILABLE TO YOU. If you cannot see option C due to how you have been brought up etc., then you only choose between option A or B. IFYSWIM.

That was where my life was then. I had 0 confidence and truly believed I had 0 options.

I do think society is letting people down, particularly young women. I do agree it is sad that this woman hasn't aspired to more in her life. I do feel angry that we seem to accept this without question. However, I know what it feels like to be judged by people who are lucky enough to have started life further down the race track.

So be angry but try hard to see what's behind this woman's attitude. And yes, have some compassion. You don't know where she's coming from.

Offred and who knows- definitely something in it. I have been brought up to believe love, marriage then babies. I have had to wait a long time. Perhaps it irks that society doesn't bind others to these conventions any longer......

Sparkly- thank you for sharing that

CCsgirl, what's the view like from up there on the moral high ground?

Whether you like or dislike the girl's situation, it is really none of your business, and if this is how badly you get worked up about a pregnancy announcement, I'd hate to see how badly you'd take something that was actually wrong...

society hasn't always, there have been fashions for it and I think the things you describe don't really represent a yardstick of either what "society" believes or accepts or how those dynamics work in practice amongst different groups over time. I think it is more helpful to think about the rationale behind why YOU believe it just now and how you are expressing that belief in your life. Is it having a positive, negative or mixed effect on your life? Have your priorities now changed, feeling irked suggests to me that perhaps having a baby is becoming more important to you than having the baby in the absolutely perfect situation which actually may never happen!

It's easy to take a moral high ground, to put everything down to being an accepting society and generally sprout crap about how a child being born into certain circumstances is so bad but until the child is born its impossible to know how things will pan out.

I am a single mum, Ds is 2.5 and his 'father' hasn't paid any interest to him since he was a week old (including the time spent in hdu and numerous hospital trips since). Yes it's far from ideal and not how I would have chosen for things to be but he is loved, well cared for and has a great stable family life. If people want to judge me for loving my son then so beit. I know I am doing my best by him.

Offred is v wise (username partic resonant in this thread)

YANBU, she sounds so irresponsible. It sounds like she is not very intelligent - I would probably block/unfriend her as I bet everytime she posts from now on your blood will boil!

I'm amazed so many people on Mumsnet are acting as if this is completely acceptable. True, it is her life, but why can't the OP shake her head for the sad and unstable life this baby is most likely entering?

Thanks randomnumbers!

I think the human race would have died out by now if everyone waited til their finances and life were perfect. Historically contraception didn't exist and has children when they were young and poor. Only difference is due to social norms they tended to get married, and some lived in abusive relationships, whereas those who were unlucky enough to not be married got shunned by society and their babies taken away from them. Being a parent does not require masses of cash, but it does require and certain amount of self sacrifice and making the best if it. And to have the support and good will of family and friends and society as a whole during parenthood makes it easier and outcomes better for the children.

Paiviaso, do you really think you can't get pregnant by accident if you're intelligent?
Biology not your strong point?
That aside, you have no idea what kind of life the baby will have, so how about you STFU?

Paivaiso - i am amazed too. apparently the OP should question her motives, but noone else should....