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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be incensed by this pregnancy announcement on FB?

348 replies

CCsgirl · 20/05/2012 14:37

Acquaintance on FB has just announced that she is " gunna be a mammy for the first time!!!!". She was with the father for 2 weeks and he is now in jail. She says as far as she is concerned her baby "dusnt av a daddy". She has been in her job for 4 weeks. 37 congratulations on her status so far. AIBU to be totally incensed that this is seen as acceptable and something to be congratulated?

OP posts:
AllYoursBabooshka · 20/05/2012 14:55

What would you have her do, Hide it away from the world and act ashamed?

Obviously her situation is not ideal but that's the way the world works, She's embracing it and probably put it up there to show she didn't give a shiny shyte if people like you judge her. You would have gossiped about her anyway.

Incensed, Really? Hmm

1950sHousewife · 20/05/2012 14:56

Crumbs.

'Gunna' and 'mammy' and 'av'. No wonder this has upset you. I would defriend her immediately.

perceptionreality · 20/05/2012 14:56

YABU - but you know that already! You obviously don't like her so delete her - problem solved.

Original poster
CCsgirl · 20/05/2012 14:57

Yes, I accept I am being judgy and should order those delightful pants as suggested. But I do honestly despair. Of course I don't suggest she should have an abortion against her will but suggesting her child doesn't have, and will never have a father, strikes me as very sad for all concerned

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 20/05/2012 14:58

You don't have to approve of her situation, but the way you have spoken about this person says more about you than her.

PurpleRayne · 20/05/2012 14:58

There is only ever one correct way to greet an announcement of pregnancy; 'congratulations'.

Northernlurker · 20/05/2012 14:59

X posted. Ok Op - I was 20 and I had NO job when I became pregnant. I was (still am) in a loving relationship but although we'd known each other a long term we hadn't been a couple very long. That and the fact that I can spell are the only differences between this lass and I. I was in my last year at university, dh got a temp job. The week our daughter was born he could only have one day off work as he was paid by the day. We lived in a university flat or a very short term let. Would you say what you're saying about her to her face? Would you say it to me?

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 20/05/2012 14:59

Yabu. She is obviously happy she is pregnant, so the gracious thing to do is congratulate her. Or block her if you disapprove of her lifestyle so much. Personally I couldn't cope with the text speaks so would probably hide he'd updates for that reason! Grin

YouOldSlag · 20/05/2012 15:00

OP I can't believe you deleted a friend for not adhering to the moral code you believe in. She hasn't harmed anyone and becoming a mother might be the making of her. Everyone makes mistakes. She won't be the first or the last mother who is not in a relationships when the baby is born.

How about blaming the man for a change instead of judging the woman?

You are judgey and puritanical and you're going to have to move with the times whether you like it or not!

Debeezandbirds · 20/05/2012 15:00

"child doesn't have, and will never have a father, strikes me as very sad for all concerned"

Better a loving happy home of any shape or size than an unhappy "conventional" one.

Bunbaker · 20/05/2012 15:01

Why is she your "friend" in the first place? All my (not very many admittedly) Facebook friends are friends in RL. I don't befriend anyone I barely know or have nothing in common with.

Original poster
CCsgirl · 20/05/2012 15:01

I think what my reaction says about me is that I think this is a very sad reflection of society today. I'm told accidents happen, I'm 34 years old and it has never happened to me?

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 20/05/2012 15:02

I can't help but wonder how we got here?

We haven't. It's just that tighter clothes, more awareness, greater freedom of choice, better healthcare and lower infant mortality rates mean women have more control of these things than50/100/200 years ago Hmm

arthurfowlersallotment · 20/05/2012 15:03
Wine
PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 20/05/2012 15:03

Can't believe you've actually posted this!

I would agree that it's not a situation I'd aspire to be in myself, or wish on anyone else, but I guess she is looking at the positive side - she's going to have a baby and is obviously happy about it, or making the best of things, at least.

I think it's often people's attitudes above anything else - like education or relationship status - that make a difference to how they handle what life throws at them. Sounds like she wants this baby and is excited about it. Isn't that where we all start out?

JacqueslePeacock · 20/05/2012 15:04

Hold on, judgey pants are actually trousers? (just clicked the link) I'm so disappointed. I had imagined them as giant grey granny knickers with lace trim.

Sirzy · 20/05/2012 15:04

Shit happens in life, what matters is how you deal with it.

In an ideal world everyone would be happily married before they had their 2.4 children. But we don't live in an ideal world and what really matters is that a child is loved and cherished by those around them - it doesn't need to be a traditional family set up for that to happen.

bogeyface · 20/05/2012 15:04

I would be sad yes, but incensed? Not unless I was being expected to support them!

Debeezandbirds · 20/05/2012 15:06

"I'm told accidents happen, I'm 34 years old and it has never happened to me?"

Specious reasoning of the week. I've never been in a plane crash. Obviously anyone who has been has brought it on themselves as I'm nearly 28 and it's never happened to me Hmm

WorraLiberty · 20/05/2012 15:06

This is what I don't understand.

Why are you suddenly bringing up her text speak? If she was on your friend list then no doubt you would have seen her type like before?

Also, she's only 20 and many younger people use text speak (as irritating as I find it!)

You seem to have made a thing of it to make her look 'chavvy' or unintelligent in some way...but you can never tell a young person's intelligence by how they choose to type for quickness.

If you could, we'd all be fucked here every time we typed 'YABU' or 'YANBU'.

bogeyface · 20/05/2012 15:06

I'm told accidents happen, I'm 34 years old and it has never happened to me?

That has got to be the single most stupid thing I have ever read, and the most judgey.

So just because you have managed to get through 15 ish years with not one single accident/scare, it means that anyone who has one wasnt being careful enough or is a downright liar?

Congratulation, YOU have fucking incensed me!

Northernlurker · 20/05/2012 15:06

'I'm 34 years old and it has never happened to me'

Have just deleted something too rude to type.
If it's never happened to you - well take a gold star. This forum is full of people it has happened to, in marriage and outside it, so why not restrain your disbelief? Accidental pregnancies happen.

AllYoursBabooshka · 20/05/2012 15:07

I'm 34 years old and it has never happened to me?

Well bully for you! We'll get you a little "perfect citizen" badge.

Sirzy · 20/05/2012 15:08

CcsGirl - do you find it hard being so perfect?

BarredfromhavingStella · 20/05/2012 15:08

I can sort of understand where you're coming from with this one-we are as a society amazingly accepting of a lot of things. If you don't approve then don't offer congratulations, she is probably just trying to put a brave face on things-she'll certainly need to a few months down the line when she has everything a baby brings to do all by herself Hmm