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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be all of a caffuffle about the toddler / road incident

213 replies

gnomeland · 16/05/2012 23:16

DS 1(6) and DS2(3) go to school by scooter. They both can get up some speed but on the whole are safe.

There's one particularly nasty road crossing which is on a corner, but with another v quiet dead end road coming off with no pavement (which we have to walk down). Essentially at the end, you have to look 4 ways at funny angles. (realise this isn't very clear.) I hate it as it is an awkward junction.

I have told DSs that they have to stop way before the end and get onto the pavement as soon as they can (but in doing this they are out of my sight - alternative is that they stay in the middle of the road).

Today, DS1 hurt himself so was being quite slow and DS2 went up ahead. As I came round the corner I saw him stepping from the pavement onto the main road. A car came round the corner and stopped (not emergency stop).

I was very shaken because cars can come round very fast and it could have been a lot worse.

Anyway, the driver of the car gave me a real mouthful that I shouldn't allow him on his scooter and I should be holding his hand at all times on the road.

So, what do you do. Am I wrong to allow a 3 year old to nursery on this scooter. I know it was a really dangerous situation but I have tried very hard to teach them road safety. I know if only takes once etc etc but I can't help feeling that it is unreasonable to expect him to walk along permanently holding my hand.

I'm all in a turmoil about it.

OP posts:
Bobyan · 17/05/2012 07:06

So are you going to change things OP?

mintychocolatechip · 17/05/2012 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 17/05/2012 07:22

3 is still a baby, you can't expect them to stay safe at a main road out of your site. It scares me to see young children out of arms reach along busy roads.

fuckarama · 17/05/2012 07:25

Was he in the road when there was a pavement he could have been on?

And YABU regardless, he should have been right beside you. On the scooter but within grabbing distance.

Megatron · 17/05/2012 07:25

Another YABU I'm afraid, this being a personal bugbear of mine too. I actually cannot believe that some let their very young children scoot to school. We have had two accidents in the last six months at our (very small, rural) school, one when a child, aged 6, didn't stop one morning, went straight into the road and was knocked over breaking her back and both legs. The other accident was not so serious but only because another parent managed to see what was about to happen and stop it. It still resulted in a broken arm though.

A 3 year old cannot possibly be expected to judge speed or fully understand road safety and I feel sorry for that driver, they must have got a hell of a shock. They reckon that a child is least 8/9 before they can cross a road independently because they simply don't have the judgement before then.

Ephiny · 17/05/2012 07:30

I'm all for children having a bit of freedom etc, walking to school/shops on their own when old enough. But even I would have been Shock to see a little 3 year old scooting ahead out of sight of his mum and out into a main road on his own, that's just dangerous.

sparkle12mar08 · 17/05/2012 07:39

Commenting solely on the specifics of the road in your first post, I'd suggest that both the children still be allowed to scoot but they must stay immediately in front of you at all times on the down-hill no pavement section, and until you are all safely across the road at the bottom and back on to a pavement. By immediately infront I mean within three feet of you, and every single time they break the rule you take their scooter off them and carry it the rest of the way, and they have to hold your hand. You cannot allow them out of sight on a slope with no pavement, as you have sadly experienced. Yes it will probably be tedious and time consuming for a week or two but you can't continue to risk their safety on a daily basis without making changes. You can't.

MrsNouveauRichards · 17/05/2012 07:42

Whether you were at fault or not, you must be really shaken :(

A few months ago I would have said it was just really unlucky that your son did this if normally so good, based on my DD's behaviour. She is now 4.6yrs but has always been very good while we are out and about. She knows where it is safe to scoot or run and where I like her to wait or hold onto the buggy or my hand and has been like this for well over a year.

However, the last few months (maybe even a year actually) I have spent more time walking to town/playgroup with friends and their dcs and can quite honestly say out of about 20 children of the same age, I would trust 2 of them (my DD and another girl) so obviously the norm is that they can't be trusted. Even DD has run off when with a group of these children (although unlikely to do that again as I took her straight home - harsh but she learned her lesson)

Shakirasma · 17/05/2012 07:43

I hate to see young kids tearing along the pavements on scooters.

When my DD1 was 7, (very sensible and road safety not an issue) she was bombing along them pavement when she hit a small rock. She and the scooter went flying, she ended up in the road. Fortunately no cars were coming but she smashed in half her brand new, adult front teeth.

She is now 14, as a result is terrified of the dentist but needs to have crowns to make her smile beautiful again.

What so easily could have happened to your son would have been much worse. Scooters belong in the park or the garden IMO.

wereofftoseethewizard · 17/05/2012 07:43

I think YABU to even have to ask after what happened to you. If the car had hit him (which it so easily could) would you still be asking the same question ?
It doesn't sound like you can safely have both on scooters and keep them safe.

My 3 year old sometimes holds my hand while scooting so it can be done but I never, ever let him scoot away from me if we are anywhere near a road.

When ds1 was going slow why didn't you tell ds2 to stay with you ?
Sounds like you've been risking their lives for a good while now and I really, really hope that this has been a wake up call for you.
Again I'm still quite shocked you have to ask .

Sirzy · 17/05/2012 07:45

I also think children shouldn't be allowed to scoot ahead until they are able to realise that they have to be curtoeous to pedestrians, especially the elderly who may be wobbly on their feet anyway.

Floggingmolly · 17/05/2012 07:55

he always stops, except today. Then by definition he doesn't always stop. It only takes once for something irreversible to happen.
I'd be removing the scooter and keeping it for the park.

misty0 · 17/05/2012 07:57

The fact that your son had such a near miss is all the info you need to decide if he's safe travelling to school like this in your case.

Obviously it isnt safe OP! You've had a wake up call. Heed it.

xkcdfangirl · 17/05/2012 07:57

My 3YO is allowed to be on a scooter (or walking) not-holding-hands if and only if we are on a bit of road with no side-roads or drive ways (our route to the park and to nursery is mostly like this). If we are doing a route which has any side roads or drive ways then he is wearing reins and I'm holding those (you can't scoot while holding a hand).

When he is not on the reins, I constantly repeat and reinforce that he must not go too far ahead and if he does then he goes back on the reins. He stops every 2-3 scoots to look back at me and if I think he's got too far ahead I let him know. I also constantly remind and reinforce that he should never ever ever step off the pavement onto the road without holding my hand. He has never done so.

I do worry that this might not be good enough, I understand it only takes one mistake for there to be an accident but it also seems wrong to strap such an active and energetic boy into a push-chair for a journey he is perfectly capable of doing under his own steam, and he is really unwilling to walk along holding hands - he'll tend to go on strike and refuse to move unless carried if I try to enforce this.

I may have misunderstood the OP, but if I've read it right then I do think it's unreasonable to have a DC this young on a route which routinely has them off-reins/not-holding-hands and on a road, especially if this can happen when they are out of your sight. My DS would be in HUGE trouble if he got out of my sight, even if there wasn't a road junction for another hundred yards.

A 3 year old is not capable of learning any rules of road safety other than "you must be holding mummy's hand on the road". They don't have the judgement to understand concepts like "if [this] then it's safe, if [that] then it's not safe" and they don't have the mental capacity to look and see if a car is moving fast, or slow, or not at all before deciding whether to step off the pavement. These mental skills just don't develop till the age of 8ish, so you really can't teach road safety for independently navigating a junction such as you describe.

MrsCampbellBlack · 17/05/2012 07:59

Horrible experience.

Personally if I was letting 2 small children use scooters like that I'd be running next to them - for that reason I wouldn't let them. Too dangerous but I am pretty risk averse when it comes to small children and roads.

I also think you're putting too much responsibility on your 6 year old to watch his younger sibling which really isn't fair.

thebody · 17/05/2012 08:02

I wouldn't let a 6 year old scoot out of sight but a 3 year old?? You both had a lucky escape, lesson learned, scoot in the park and walk on the pavement together.

seeker · 17/05/2012 08:05

There is no such thing as a road aware 3 year old. And I speak as someone who lets her children do all sorts of " by mumsnet standards" incredibly dangerous things.

But out of sight on a scooter coming up to a 4 way junction. Never.

Noqontrol · 17/05/2012 08:17

YABU op. I think you were all really lucky this time tbh. The driver must have had such a shock.

SchoolsNightmare · 17/05/2012 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 17/05/2012 08:33

I'm surprised you need to ask, OP. A car driver had to take action to avoid running over your small child.

We live in a tiny village where the road is only busy at two times of the day and almost deserted the rest of the time. DS1 (nearly 3) isn't even allowed on his scooter until we get onto the dead-end road that goes to the old part of the village where you can see cars coming from both directions..

You should have been incredibly grateful to that driver.

Rubirosa · 17/05/2012 08:35

Roads are dangerous - 3 year olds need to be within grabbing distance when near traffic.

LentillyFart · 17/05/2012 08:35

Horrific story and you are very fortunate that it didn't end in tragedy. In fact OP I have to say you sound perhaps a little naive - bordering on the unhinged - if you seriously think kids that age have any sense at all about pretty much anything. They do not. They might have flashes of maturity but to misinterpret these as all round good judgement is just senseless. Scooters in park - that is all. And you - you, the adult, the parent - HOLD THEIR HANDS!

sevenbubbles · 17/05/2012 08:38

Agree. I don't let my dd 3.5 scoot ahead. That is what the park is for. Just because everyone does it doesn't mean it is not irresponsible.

I am as worried about driveways as roads btw.

My dd knows she has to scoot next to me (often means I'm running!) and has to stop to allow people to pass.

I don't ever want to be in a position where I am discussing whose fault an accident is. I accept not all drivers concentrate fully all of the time and I don't allow my children to contribute to what might be a nasty accident.

I am shocked you allow your ds on the road.

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 17/05/2012 08:38

I bet tgat poor driver got a terrible shock.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 17/05/2012 08:48

I agree that he is too young by far to be allowed to go on ahead...my DD aged 4 was knocked onto her back on the way to school not long ago by a boy of about the same age who came rushing ahead of his Mum just as we had got out of the car....I sometimes walk as I can't drive so KNOW what a massive pain toddlers are....but no way should a three year old be on a scooter.