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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be all of a caffuffle about the toddler / road incident

213 replies

gnomeland · 16/05/2012 23:16

DS 1(6) and DS2(3) go to school by scooter. They both can get up some speed but on the whole are safe.

There's one particularly nasty road crossing which is on a corner, but with another v quiet dead end road coming off with no pavement (which we have to walk down). Essentially at the end, you have to look 4 ways at funny angles. (realise this isn't very clear.) I hate it as it is an awkward junction.

I have told DSs that they have to stop way before the end and get onto the pavement as soon as they can (but in doing this they are out of my sight - alternative is that they stay in the middle of the road).

Today, DS1 hurt himself so was being quite slow and DS2 went up ahead. As I came round the corner I saw him stepping from the pavement onto the main road. A car came round the corner and stopped (not emergency stop).

I was very shaken because cars can come round very fast and it could have been a lot worse.

Anyway, the driver of the car gave me a real mouthful that I shouldn't allow him on his scooter and I should be holding his hand at all times on the road.

So, what do you do. Am I wrong to allow a 3 year old to nursery on this scooter. I know it was a really dangerous situation but I have tried very hard to teach them road safety. I know if only takes once etc etc but I can't help feeling that it is unreasonable to expect him to walk along permanently holding my hand.

I'm all in a turmoil about it.

OP posts:
MrsApplepants · 17/05/2012 00:19

What a shock, awful for you.

But I agree with the driver.

WorraLiberty · 17/05/2012 00:20

Where I live, the pavements are smooth tarmac and because the roads are so narrow (built for horse and carts) motorists are allowed to park on the pavements...in fact they have to park on them and the little bays are mapped out with white lines.

Despite this, parents still let their Primary aged kids scoot along.

One morning a little girl scooted around me (she was no older than 4 or 5) straight into the path of a reversing people carrier on the pavement.

As quick as a flash (not like me in the mornings!) I instinctively grabbed her by her hair (she had long corn rowed braids) and dragged her out of the way.

The poor little thing was shocked obviously and went quite hysterical at being suddenly grabbed like that...she still didn't realise there was a reversing car and why I grabbed her.

Her Mum must have thanked me a thousand times but the little girl to this day, is quite scared of me and this happened about 18 months ago Sad

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 17/05/2012 00:22

3 year olds really don't get road safety at all. You have been very very lucky so,far, but please take your warning and have him always beside you, either walking or scootering. You need to be able to reach him immediately. is it a touch of second child syndrome, oh well DS1 manages fine DS2 should too, even tho he is half his age and has no understanding of the consequences really? I'm with the driver, he should be close enough for you to grab him at any time.

I would never have let DS out of my sight near roads at that age. Even now aged 5 and after almost a year of walking to school, he doesn't go too far ahead as he knows if he does, he will be in trouble from me. In my experience from walking with a group of mixed ages, they can still do completely daft things near roads up until about age 7 or 8 when real awareness of what death / damage etc is about kicks in, and their perception of speed/distance etc improves.

Please please take care of your baby, keep him safe.

Original poster
gnomeland · 17/05/2012 00:23

Well really he hadn't used a pushchair for over 6 months, so either walks or scoots.

DS1 didn't have a pushchair after 2.5.

OP posts:
wherearemysocks · 17/05/2012 00:23

*I genuinely don't know at what point in time, parents started giving up/giving in to tantrums and allowing their kids to rule the roost.

So often you hear parents saying "Oh there's no way she/he will sit in the buggy" or "There's no way they'll hold my hand"*

I get some judgy looks sometimes (and some sympathetic ones too) when my toddler is screaming her head off because she doesn't want to be in the buggy. It doesn't bother me though I tend to just carry on regardless, at least she's not running into a road or just making me really late because she has to stop and look at every daisy or whatever along the way

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 17/05/2012 00:26

I'd make him scoot next to me tbh. That way he IS scooting, but he is also within arms reach. If either of mine go out of my sight, they 'lose' the right to scoot to school for the rest of the week.

Original poster
gnomeland · 17/05/2012 00:27

To be honest it was as much my choice as theirs. There were no tantrums about it. They both have a lot of energy and I have always encouraged them to walk rather than not.

OP posts:
Original poster
gnomeland · 17/05/2012 00:28

Ineed. That's good advice, thank you.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/05/2012 00:28

That's exactly it wherearemysocks (by the way I have no idea where they are but have you tried behind the radiator?)

Even the most wilful kids give it up in the end Grin

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 17/05/2012 00:30

You are welcome :)

WorraLiberty · 17/05/2012 00:30

To be honest it was as much my choice as theirs. There were no tantrums about it. They both have a lot of energy and I have always encouraged them to walk rather than not

But that's the point isn't it? They're not walking...they're shooting off ahead on scooters.

I don't think any of mine were in the buggy after 2.5 or 3yrs old

But if they didn't want to be in it, they walked and held my hand.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 17/05/2012 00:59

Would it be worth it, my reporting the police car? I didn't get his number, or the lorry's. Might be a bit late now.

Sorry, slight hijack.

ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 17/05/2012 01:03

OP, you obviously got a fright today, and I hope you are okay. I'm not going to lecture you. But, your DS is only 3, has no concept of road safety, and so needs to be within arms reach of you.

About a year ago, a 4 year old was killed out the road from me (the child's Grandfather is an associate of mine, so I have heard the full story). He was cycling along next to his walking mother, tore off, and suddenly turned out onto the road, right in front of a van. His mother was there, yelled out, but was too far away to do anything. The van driver was a neighbour, who now has to live with the fact that his vehicle killed a child, even though he was not at fault. How horribly painful must that be? Not to mention the obvious devastation of the child's parents, and extended family.

No, your DS does not have to walk along hand in hand with you every moment of every day, just stay close enough that you can grab him if needs be. The story above is tragic, and a freak occurrence, but why take the risk of something similar happening? Especially as you say that your DS2 has always been road aware, until today. It only takes one moment of lacking awareness.

Poulay · 17/05/2012 01:09

Children die on the roads, walking, on scooters, on bicycles, many different ways, all victims of our toxic car culture.

Any number of anecdotes about how dangerous it is to walk/drive/cycle/scoot to school do not amount to evidence.

However if you cannot keep up, it would be sensible to get a bicycle or something like that.

FallenCaryatid · 17/05/2012 01:40

How would a bike help her control a 3 YO on a scooter? As an adult, she should be riding on the road. Unless you are also advocating a leash.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/road-and-rail-transport/5291883/Britain-falling-behind-on-child-pedestrian-deaths.html

StrawberryMojito · 17/05/2012 04:13

Ilovemydog- yes it would be worth reporting the police car. If you can remember the time, date and road that it occurred on, I think they would be able to work out who was driving or at least narrow it down to a few possible drivers. Hopefully they will get a bit of a warning.

OP - the driver was right, I would have said the same to you.

Jnice · 17/05/2012 04:22

My ds2 is 5 and sometimes forgets road safety. Today he shouted 'no cars' and stepped onto the road in front of 2. Thankfully it was a crossing and the cars had stopped, but just goes to show he isn't safe yet. I always tell him to wait for me no matter whether he thinks it's safe and sometimes he forgets. We walk to school in a very safe area and use crossings so it isn't so scary. Even so, I would not let a 3 year old out of arms reach.

sashh · 17/05/2012 04:35

I agree with not letting a 3yo out of your sight

PoppyWearer · 17/05/2012 05:06

I would also have concerns about the older child, tbh.

I live in a cul-de-sac and in recent weeks have twice had to brake HARD at the exit to the road (into another residential road) to avoid hitting a child who came flying across the junction from the left (on the wrong side of the road, so directly in front of me) on a bike. I guess he's about 6yo, and is accompanied by his mother and sibling on bikes behind him. Also on the wrong side of the road.

I see her shouting at him to stop and so on.

He and his mother are extremely lucky that I am both child and bike-aware and only drive about 10-15 mph in the cul-de-sac. If one of my elderly neighbours or a delivery driver were the one who had to stop in time, I shudder to think.

The number of times I have seen children on scooters or bikes with no parent in sight of them scares me.

Tee2072 · 17/05/2012 05:18

Worra, I've also had that thought about not letting them go 20 feet to the corner shop but letting them fly ahead on a scooter!

My nearly 3 year old is clueless about roads so he has to stay right by me. One step too far and I either make him hold hands or he goes into his pushchair, depending on whether we have it with us.

Pitmountainpony · 17/05/2012 05:48

Children cannot judge speed and distance till they are ten I read recently.

I worked in road safety. I was shocked how many children are killed each week in the uk in often preventable road traffic accidents.

Just see it as a valuable lesson you have learnt. No more scooters near the road.

Emmielu · 17/05/2012 05:53

Yesterday in the space of driving up one road then driving down the next my friend nearly knocked over 3 kids. 1 on his scooter in primary school, didn't even look in the road till my friend emergency stopped, 2nd was a boy who looked around 9 who ran to the corner of the next road straight across & the last one was a teenage girl who stepped into the road then started looking. By this point my friend was fuming that that can happen in the space of 5 mins. 3 kids! All of which didn't stop, look & listen.

Op, driver was right. Sorry.

Jnice · 17/05/2012 06:04

You can have a child scoot next to you, always on the inside. Then if you come to a pedestrian only section (cut through park or whatever) you can give a bit more freedom - I say 'cycle/scoot to that tree and atop' - this builds up their ability to
take directions.

It is a shame of we can't encourage our children to be active safely.

peggyblackett · 17/05/2012 06:13

Hell, my dd1 is on reins at 2 (not because he is naughty, but because toddlers have no real road sense IMO). I can't imagine trusting him on a scooter in a year's time. They're 3, how can they possibly understand the real dangers of the road? You're expecting a toddler to be able to understand risk.
Sorry, but YABU. Keep the scooting for the park.

peggyblackett · 17/05/2012 06:13

Oops ds.