to be a bit sad for dd

[shopping81]

So there is a important football match coming up. DH is a big fan and is going. Unfortunately it is on dd's 5th birthday. She does not want to go. So now mil, fil dh and ds are all going to the football.
AIBU to be sad that everyone is going to the football on dd's birthday or am a being plb.

I said mostly! But you didn't.

That makes you the dick, doesn't it?

No. I think all people who are prejudiced are dicks.

Do you understand what prejudiced means?

any game this time of the season is going to be a massive one. I can understand him wanted to go, It is hard to understand it though unless you are a football fan.

Yes. And what patronising and condescending mean too

Goodoh! Just checking.

I know that many people have very strong feelings about their teams, but some of those people have their priorities wrong. There is a difference between people who love sport but place it second to people, and people who prioritise sport over everything, including people.

I don't know what this bloke feels, but if he thinks any match is more important than his daughter's wish to have him at her birthday, I think he has his priorities wrong. Why should she have to suck up the disappointment of not having dad there, when he could just as easily suck up the disappointment of not seeing the match?

If I was 5 the problem to me would be that my dad was choosing to take my brother out to something which is presumably a massive treat (as it's important/exciting enough to trump a birthday) rather than all of my family spending time with me on my birthday. I think I would, as a 5 year old, feel this was unjust and probably get grumpy when my brother's birthday came round and I wasn't taken off on a massive treat by one parent and was instead made to make the whole day about him (as it should be).

Children of this age are very into fairness and I'd agree now that this isn't fair.

Because birthday celebrations are moveable feast wheres his team may never be in this position again in his lifetime.

Is it the flippin's Edinburgh Derby OP??

Thanks for the concern. Being a football fan myself I wouldn't have thought you'd have bothered

I have to say YABU, sorry. Nothing comes between me and the Wimbledon finals, and I have been known to not take DS to his extra-curricular activities on other days during Wimbledon and French Open fortnight, if a particularly exciting match is on.

A couple of years ago, a friend who also likes tennis (but not as much as I) actually missed the French Open Men's Final in order to look for somewhere to live! I mean, get your priorities right, FFS! I still can't get over that one!

But by the sounds of it there isn't anything really planned and she isn't pining after her dad to be present on the day. She's not even 5 yet, it's probably not on her radar. Unless someone makes a fuss of dad and bro not being there she's hardly likely to is she?

Does the little girl care?

The only way the daughter will feel let down by her dad is if other people make a big dead of it.

This is not correct. Many children feel hurt by things their parents do even though no adults/peers ever talk about it, and even if it is deemed 'normal' in their families. It is appealing to think kids only feel what we tell them to, but that's not correct. They often don't talk about it though.

He is at her birthday. He is at the birthday breakfast, birthday tea and birthday party.

I say this as a person who doesn't give a crap about football

I honestly can't remember my dad being around on my birthday. I don't feel its damaged me.

Unless its pointed out to her, who's to say she will even notice, unless she is used to having both parents glued to her every weekend so her dad going out is a big deal.

Oh god, I hadn't realised her brother is going. That makes it much worse IMO.

I don't think her saying she didn't want to go means she's okay with it necessarily.

OP has she said how she feels about it?

Football in itself is tedious, it's things like this that make it hateful.

Poor little girl.

Oh god, I hadn't realised her brother is going. That makes it much worse IMO

So DS has to miss out on the match because DD doesn't want to go? How is that fair on DS? It isn't his fault the match is on his sisters birthday is it? Since when do 4 year olds get to dictate how the whole family spend their time? Easy soloution, everyone does whatever on the Saturday and make the Sunday a special birthday day.

I didn't suggest that I merely said as a five year old that's how my brain would work come his birthday.

Helpfully I suggested no solutions at all!

It strikes me that this is much more about the OP's feelings than her daughter's.

If it's the Edinburgh derby (Scottish Cup Final) it might not happen again in his lifetime. It's not as if he'll be unable to celebrate with his daughter at all.

upahill what I meant was, it could look a lot like most family members are going off to a match and leaving her behind, rather than most family members are doing her birthday and Dad is going off alone. Not that the DS himself shouldn't want to go to the match, which I understand he will want to do.

"It's only a football match FGS". What?!! cowbag, how can you say such a thing! That's like saying "it's only an bit of mineral" about the Koh-I-Noor diamond!

shopping81, YABU on two counts -

1. To feel sad about your DD's father being at a match when DD probably won't give a monkeys if she's having fun with you.

1. To consider this an "important" football match. Now if it was Saturday's match, then you would be right in calling it important.

It would help if the OP revealed what game it is.