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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit sad for dd

290 replies

shopping81 · 16/05/2012 15:24

So there is a important football match coming up. DH is a big fan and is going. Unfortunately it is on dd's 5th birthday. She does not want to go. So now mil, fil dh and ds are all going to the football.
AIBU to be sad that everyone is going to the football on dd's birthday or am a being plb.

OP posts:
MerylStrop · 16/05/2012 17:31

you're being a little bit pfb

birthday brekkie with you and dad
play with friends or go out with you
late birthday tea more special for staying up late
and a party

sounds ace to me

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 16/05/2012 17:32

What's the match?

There are important football and there are important football matches. I think if it really is a big match, YABU. Your dd will still get her presents, special breakfast, party etc. It can still be special for her.

takingiteasy · 16/05/2012 17:34

We're all dying to know what match it is and just how important it is!

PullUpAPew · 16/05/2012 17:35

IMO he's a twat, if he's anything like my dad he is running a big risk that when she is grown up like me, she won't be that arsed about him.

My dad worked bloody hard when self-employed, and I respected that, but he was forever at the races/football/whatever rather than spending time with us when he could - and that has damaged his relationships with all his children.

Have a lovely day with her.

jennymac · 16/05/2012 17:36

I don't think it is that big a deal but then I don't see the problem with celebrating the birthday with the family the day before or after the football match. After all, her party with friends isn't actually on her birthday either but that doesn't mean she won't enjoy it. It's only a birthday fgs - it's not like it's her wedding day or anything! I would just have a lovely day with her myself and then it will be like she has a birthday weekend instead of just one day!

FoxyRoxy · 16/05/2012 17:37

Yes it is a big deal footy match but to a 5 year old nothing is a bigger deal than their birthday is it!

Yanbu but there's nothing doing about it now, have a mummy and daughter day full of treats and maybe daddy can take her for a special lunch on the Sunday to spend some daddy daughter time with her?

bruxeur · 16/05/2012 17:38

It's a football match. It has as much importance as the outcome of a game of pass-the-parcel at a child's birthday party.

If you think otherwise then you really need to remember that it is just a game.

Just. a. game.

PullUpAPew · 16/05/2012 17:39

I think to add to my earlier post, context is all, if he is generally considerate to her, likes to spend time with her then it will be ok. If however there is a general message - football is more important than you - it may not be. My father has been very clear to all his kids that pretty much every possible distraction is preferable to us over and over - it is the repetition that has damaged things.

squoosh · 16/05/2012 17:40

But that's the point Bruxeur for many thousands of people it's not just a game.

upahill · 16/05/2012 17:40

Although I really dislike football and don't follow it I really don't see the problem.
As others have said, her dad will be there first thing to make a fuss, she doesn't want to go with them so do something that she wants to do.

She isl having a party.

What more does she/you want? Confused

bruxeur · 16/05/2012 17:41

Then they need to look at themselves and work out why they have such ridiculously skewed perception and priorities.

What's missing? Something of the heart, or the head?

PullUpAPew · 16/05/2012 17:42

squoosh those people may not feel it is just a game, but factually speaking, it is just a game.

CelticPromise · 16/05/2012 17:45

YANBU.

Now if it was a big rugby match, YWBVVVU. Wink

Hulababy · 16/05/2012 17:45

I wouldnt be happy but then DH would always prioritise DD on her birthday anyway. Even if he is at work he would still spend as much time with DD as possible although generally he takes the day off and we go and do some family stuff together anyway. DD's birthday is always in the school holidays so she is never at school on her birthday. I have had to work on her birthday but only for half a day and I would rather not have to - luckily only happened twice in 10 years.

But then I don't get the whole football thing and why for some it has be some massive event that takes over half their life. It is a game, nothing more. Just a sport's game, regardless of what some people seem to believe.

upahill · 16/05/2012 17:46

Then they need to look at themselves and work out why they have such ridiculously skewed perception and priorities.

What's missing? Something of the heart, or the head?

Nothing is wrong. It is a way of life for some people.
Like I said I don't enjoy football but I can understand the passion and the obsession. In this post it looks like something the DH has been bought up with as his DM and DD as well as his son are all going to the game.

Things were like this in my family with my dad and my mum's brothers sending hours debating and arguing and watching the game. Dad and uncles supported different sides so god help us when there was a local derby on!

squoosh · 16/05/2012 17:46

Yes factually speaking it's just a game but factually speaking your house it's just bricks and mortar whereas most people see it in more emotional terms as their 'home'.

As I said, I don't even like football, but can understand on big occasions like an Edinburgh Derby that it is a big deal to fans.

I just don't get all the outrage where people are saying she'll be scarred for life, she'll know her father doesn't care for her etc.

Hysterical nonsense.

upahill · 16/05/2012 17:47

I agree Squoosh

bruxeur · 16/05/2012 17:47

That's a ridiculous comparison, squoosh.

CelticPromise · 16/05/2012 17:48

I agree with squoosh and upahill.

Leeds2 · 16/05/2012 17:50

I have been to a football match on DD's birthday. With OH too!! I think she was 4 or 5, we told her birthday was on the Sunday rather than the Saturday (she had no concept of dates at the time), and we celebrated on the Sunday.

squoosh · 16/05/2012 17:50

You think it's a ridiculous comparison. Some football fans would literally do anything for their clubs (I don't agree with this) and feel a MUCH higher emotional attachment to a their club than to their homes.

bruxeur · 16/05/2012 17:53

Yes. They're idiots. Just because it happens, and has happened for ages, doesn't make it pleasant or rational behaviour.

See also religion, of course. Shares much of the same characteristics including blind faith, factionalism and a huge emphasis on the cult of the shared experience.

You have to wonder what hole this is filling?

JosephineCD · 16/05/2012 17:54

A birthday is just a day in the grand scheme of things. The only way the daughter will feel let down by her dad is if other people make a big dead of it.

What game is it? If it's Saturday it could be the Championship play off final, Scottish Cup final, or the Champions League final.

CurrySpice · 16/05/2012 17:55

Bruxeur, people who make sweeping generalisations are dicks in my opinion.

I don't think it's the end of the world although I can imagine you're pissed off OP.

Do the birthday breakfast (in our house it's one of only 3 days a year you can have chocolate for breakfast :o) and make a nice day of it then do a late birthday tea

Could you meet up with your family?

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 16/05/2012 17:55

I think you can make it a lovely birthday weekend for her.

Open pressies and cards in bed (we always do) and sing Happy Birthday.

Have a great day out just you and dd - A visit to the zoo or similar sounds good to me. Could go with a friend and her dd too if you like ?

Then a lateish birthday tea party, or fish and chips, or a movie with popcorn at home, in the evening when the boys get home.

Let's just hope their team win ! ( as I know how it affects my DH's mood )

Then party with friends for dd on Monday night Smile

Just count your blessings and hers and make the most of what's possible without any upsets if none are needed Smile

Definitely big up the "girl's day" although personally I'd do that without being overly girly - but whatever she likes to do will be great !

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