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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit sad for dd

290 replies

shopping81 · 16/05/2012 15:24

So there is a important football match coming up. DH is a big fan and is going. Unfortunately it is on dd's 5th birthday. She does not want to go. So now mil, fil dh and ds are all going to the football.
AIBU to be sad that everyone is going to the football on dd's birthday or am a being plb.

OP posts:
MissFaversham · 16/05/2012 16:12

Do people expect their partners to take the day off work on DC's birthdays

Find this comment irrelevant here. DH's obviously taking day off for football if it's during the week isn't he.

Get0rfMoiLand · 16/05/2012 16:13

Good lord - what a sad man he is.

Mind you I can't stand football fans and their devotion. I suppose in some lives this kind of thing is normal. But how sad that a father thinks a football match with his son and parents is more impirtant than his daughter's birthday.

There is no way he will change his mind, I would arrange something marvellous for your daughter. But that would piss me off, as it seems to set a scene for the future (dad and his boy at the football, daughter and her birthday come second to any important fixtures).

IAmNotACowbag · 16/05/2012 16:44

Do people expect their partners to take the day off work on DC's birthdays

Odd response! I would expect my DH to prioritise DC birthdays over football every time. Not sure what this has to do with work?

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/05/2012 16:46

He is spending his daughter's 5th birthday with his son? Is that right? I know what I would have made of that as a child, that my father liked my brother more than me.

Mama1980 · 16/05/2012 16:50

Tbh dp would never go, and he's a huge football fan. But if he suggested it I'd be furious.

Ithinkitsjustme · 16/05/2012 16:52

I think some people are overreacting tbh. Come on, this little girl isn't even going to notice that her Dad has gone to a football match over spending time with her if Mum words it right. I'm not a football fan in any shape of form but even I can see why this shouldn't really be an issue. Just make out that this gives you the perfect excuse to do whatever she wants to, or that you and she are going to do x,y,z so Daddy is going to the match. She'll have a fantastic time and will probably end up making her brother feel jealous if anything.

Get0rfMoiLand · 16/05/2012 16:52

I don't think the taking time off work for a birthday thing is relevant.

If he had to work, and it was a normal day, he would presumably come home from work at a decent hour and they would be able to celebrate the birthday in the evening - the whole family together.

As it is, he is travelling to gawd knows where to watch a match with the other members of the family. He is putting a non-essential football match above his dd's birthday.

I hope his team loses 7-0

squoosh · 16/05/2012 16:55

I think people are overreacting a whole heap.

Scoobyblue · 16/05/2012 16:59

I know that this is contrary to what most other people have said, but I wouldn't be that bothered as long as you can have a birthday breakfast/present opening session with the whole family before they set off. Then I would do something very special and girly just the two of you. And then do something all together on another day.

Groovee · 16/05/2012 17:00

If it is the H v H's and you are in Edinburgh, I can recommend the chocolate lounge in Harvey nicks for a birthday treat. My dh and ds leave about 9.30am and I don't expect them home before 8pm. So it's more than 7 hours

bumpkinbillionaire · 16/05/2012 17:03

I don't see the problem.

She is having a party. Her dad will be there for breakfast and tea. She has been asked if she wants to go to the match but she doesn't.

WorraLiberty · 16/05/2012 17:04

Major overreaction imo

She can have a day with her Mum on Saturday, a late tea with her Dad and Brother....and she's having a party with her friends on Monday anyway.

Even 5yr olds get the fact the world doesn't completely revolve around them on their Birthdays.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 16/05/2012 17:08

Football match is only 90 minutes. Ha ha ha ha ha...

My father and brother have a tendency to do this. Their latest escapade was to piss off in search of a pub with sky sports during a close family member's christening. Thankfully DH hates football. I don't mind the game, I can't bear the obsessive behaviour that goes with it.

Ithinkitsjustme · 16/05/2012 17:10

If they are going to be gone all day, because of travelling then why not all go on the train or whatever and do something during the actual match with her? She's pretty lucky that she's not in school on the actual day, isn't she?

takingiteasy · 16/05/2012 17:13

I don't think my point about a day of work is irrelevent. The point being that kids have birthdays day in day out without one and/or both parents being there celebrating for the full day. The birthday still happens.

The OP said DD was offered the chance to go to the Football but didn't want to. I don't see the big deal. Her DH didn't choose the date of the match. As mentioned earlier if the match in question is the Scottish Cup Final it is a pretty big deal. Would be interesting to hear back from the OP regarding what match - just how 'big' is it??

The OP's DD is also having a party on Monday. I don't see the problem with having the bulk of the family celebrations on a day everyone isn't tied up elsewhere.

Dillie · 16/05/2012 17:15

I would be seriously hacked off! My dh is a massive football fan, but he would never miss a birthday even if it was a matter of going up or down and the last game of the season.

But then again, I guess I am just old fashioned where family comes first no matter what!

ChaoticismyLife · 16/05/2012 17:17

How the OP 'sells it' to her is irrelevant. The fact remains that dad is choosing a football match over spending time with his daughter on her birthday. Work is different, it pays the bills and keeps a roof over your head. Unless the DP is a professional footballer who is playing in the match, football isn't.

takingiteasy · 16/05/2012 17:18

The best bit is we go to all this effort to create perfect days for our little precious off spring and they remember fuck all about it in years to come! I can remember bits of one or two parties I had, I can't recall my dad being there or noticing his absence.

MerryMarigold · 16/05/2012 17:23

I ask my dh to take the day off for everyone's bdays, including ours. I think it's important to do something special and builds family memories (which are less expensive than a holiday!). We have a leisurely brekkie with presents because dh is not rushing off. Then the kids come for a home dinner and we can do something fun after school too. Sometimes we have a tea on the day for school friends.

thebody · 16/05/2012 17:25

I would whoop for joy at getting rid of dh and Dcs and me and dds having a girly day.

Take her shopping to Claire's accessories and buy her nice things( also go somewhere grown up and buy for u) go to a coffee place, cafe rouge and treat her to hot chocolate and then family meal Sunday.

I actually can't see your problem, my dh works away do we have birthday week as he's often away for the actual day.

bruxeur · 16/05/2012 17:26

Yeah, football fans are dicks.

bruxeur · 16/05/2012 17:26

Mostly.

takingiteasy · 16/05/2012 17:27

Merrymarigold... you and DH have the day of whilst DC are at school on their birthdays? Why not just wait until the weekend for a day together? Oh to have so much AL allowance!

thebody · 16/05/2012 17:28

Just to add it would spoil the day for everyone but especially dd if you turn this into a big issue, u can all do nice stuff individually and together.

suzikettles · 16/05/2012 17:28

If my birthday fell on a Saturday during my childhood then I'll bet you all the money I have (5p) that my dad was playing cricket. There's no question that he wouldn't have just because it was my birthday.

It would never have occurred to my mum to expect him to have stayed home and it would never have occurred to me to expect him to have been there. Don't feel sad for me - I wasn't!

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