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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit sad for dd

290 replies

shopping81 · 16/05/2012 15:24

So there is a important football match coming up. DH is a big fan and is going. Unfortunately it is on dd's 5th birthday. She does not want to go. So now mil, fil dh and ds are all going to the football.
AIBU to be sad that everyone is going to the football on dd's birthday or am a being plb.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/05/2012 21:34

Oh dear. Commiserations on the season, CurrySpice

PullUpAPew · 16/05/2012 21:37

The team in question is crap, but every season a group of crap teams get to the play offs having ended up being towards the top of a crappy league. Crapness of team does not mean there will be no chance of 'once in a lifetime' matches for you to attend, so take heart!

GrahamTribe · 16/05/2012 21:40

"Plus, not everybody lives close to the team they support sadly. I was born and bred in Wolverhampton and follow the Wolves. I live in Essex now"

And most Man Utd fans live miles from Old Trafford. Grin

CurrySpice · 16/05/2012 21:47

PullUp I missed our one and only play off final appearance thanks to the arrival of DD2 in 2003. Before that it was the League Cup Final in 1980. Unless you count the 1988 Sherpa Van Trophy. Which I don't.

So no, I'm not hopeful to be honest. But as a Wolves fan, disappointment becomes your friend and you drink to drown the pain

PullUpAPew · 16/05/2012 21:55

I can't believe you put the birth of your child ahead of a play off game, call yourself a fan! Wink

numbum · 16/05/2012 21:55

My DD wont be spending her 5th birthday with me because she didn't live that long....I'd love to spend the day with her even if her dad was at a fucking football match

Does that put it in to perspective for you???

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/05/2012 21:59

numbum very sorry for your loss.

Pumpster · 16/05/2012 21:59

What team are we talking about btw?

numbum · 16/05/2012 22:01

I don't want people to be sorry for me, I want them to appreciate what they've got. If that includes a day with her daughter then so be it! Yes the dad should probably want to spend her birthday with her over a football match but she could make it a fantastic day if she wants instead of moaning about it

CurrySpice · 16/05/2012 22:01

We don't know pumpster. The OP hasn't clarified selfishly so we are reduced to wild speculation and bickering the lifeblood of MN

ilovesooty · 16/05/2012 22:03

She said promotion to League 2, so that would be Luton v York.

CurrySpice · 16/05/2012 22:09

Did she soott? Sorry, I missed that.

I preferred the feverish speculation tbh :o

CurrySpice · 16/05/2012 22:09

soott = sooty

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/05/2012 22:17

I am sorry for your loss, not feeling sorry for you IYSWIM. And, I believe knowing that children may not be here for ever should make us all want to spend more time with them. That includes her father. However, I know I love having DD to myself every so often so I understand what you are saying.

Original poster
shopping81 · 16/05/2012 22:47

Tbh dh is a huge fan so in some respects I. Get that he wants to be there. On the other hand mil and fil and to a certain extent ds aren't. Think they want to go because its Wembley. suppose I might feel different if my parents were alive and were around for dd. Also dh won't be at actual party either.

OP posts:
cantspel · 16/05/2012 23:49

If it is wembley on this saturday it is not a league 2 game.
Saturdays big game at wembley is the chapionship playoff of west ham v blackpool and for any supporter of either team it is a major event.

Your dd wont make a fuss if you dont make a fuss and you can use the time to do something special with her yourself.

mumeeee · 17/05/2012 00:04

YABU your DH will be there for breakfast and the. party. When my DDs were little we used to open their presents in the morning before school and have family party either after school or later in the week. I never expected DH to take the day off work or even be there for the whole day. All our 3 DDs were dine with this as they had opened presents with Dad in the morning.

Original poster
shopping81 · 17/05/2012 06:57

The party idea is a red herring really. There was never a plan to have a family party. Actually I would have preferred a family outing to the Zoo etc. After all birthdays for children on a weekend do not happen often. In fact due to leap year this is the only opportunity we wouls have to do this. DD will have to wait another 6 years for it to happen again.
Match is also on a Sunday not Saturday and our Saturdays are filled with dance classes etc so we can't celebrate than.

numbum I cannot imagine how hard it must be to lose a child so young. It was hard enough for my mum when we lost my brother as an adult. Especially as he died without any warning.
I suppose that is why I find it hard to see that a football match should come between spending a lovely day with your daughter on her 5th birthday.
Life is so precious.
Of course I will make the best of it and have some lovely mother/daughter time.

OP posts:
astreetcarnamedknackered · 17/05/2012 07:01

YANBU

My dad never really joined in on our birthdays.

Once, he forgot my birthday - take a look at those birthday cards on the mantelpiece dad - and was mean to me before my mum obviously reminded him. I'll never forget that, I was 13.

Birthdays are once a year. Once a year to feel special and loved. Not much to ask.

CelticPromise · 17/05/2012 08:11

Can she not miss the weekly dance class rather than DH miss the football? Or do something after? It can't be all day surely.

If tickets were easy to come by I would probably have encouraged her to go to the match and gone along myself, it could be a really special day she would enjoy. Something unusual to do, get pizza on way home etc.

Disclaimer sports events are definitely more important than birthdays in this household, but DS is not yet old enough to care.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 17/05/2012 08:31

I do understand how you feel shopping but I think all you can do is try to make your DDs birthday weekend as happy for her as you can.

You're so right that life is precious and so are the experiences we share with others and the memories we create.

But relationships, marriages, and having a Daddy are very valuable too.

So, I think for your daughters sake, both you and DH need to give as much as you can here, in terms of understanding and generosity of spirit.

If he's not able to give more then, as so often for Mums, it comes down to how much you can give to make it as good as it can be for DD.

mrsscoob · 17/05/2012 08:31

ah you have lost my sympathy now! She could easily miss her dance class which is every week and have the party then rather than the whole of the rest of the family missing what is probably a once in a life time opportunity.

Bletchley · 17/05/2012 08:36

Yup, vary the saturday routine a bit.

MerylStrop · 17/05/2012 08:50

people often celebrate their birthdays a few days before, or after.

you could have a big family outing the following week

get a grip op

IAmNotACowbag · 17/05/2012 08:54

Because I hate football, and so I will never agree that this is ok. Skewed, unbalanced view but there it is.

I just can't see how a sports match is more important than your children.

I really get pissed off with the glazed look as DH stares at little men running about getting all sweaty in shorts. You can't even talk to him as it just doesn't register. If in the company of DB also, I have to have a book, as even if there's not football on there's ENDLESS football blah blah blah and 'hilarious' jokes.

Get 'em all on minimum wage (footballers). Maybe then they'll behave like decent human beings when they aren't fuelled by the massive power trip they are on.

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