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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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wwyd, family and possible intervention by SS needed.

157 replies

laughlovelife · 14/05/2012 14:06

I have a family member who has 2 children under 8, the house for me is beyond livable, it is filthy, said family member sleeps on the couch as bedroom cannot be used, due to clothes, beer bottles, dirt, etc... so sleeps on the couch (all it needs is a good guttering/clean, but said member is far too lazy) The children have to share a single mattress as said member would rather spend her money on immaterial non essentials.

There is no food in the cupboards, children dont get fed in the house, they are dirty/smelly, (they dont get baths) live on takeaways, and by the looks of things, that's their only meal a day.

Stayed this weekend, at said members house, the quilt is disgusting, its yellow stained, actually scrub that its brown, its completely boggin, their was no soap, tooth brush, loo roll, the children are wiping themselves with their fingers, or using towels, the oldest child's mouth is ulcerated, however is getting dental treatment for it. The Kitchen is disgusting, takeaway cartons mouldy, no clean plates etc... the house is immacrated in dog hair also, and the dog lives in the kitchen.

SS I believe were involved a few weeks ago, however did not visit the home, they were involved I believe because the oldest was "self harming" this turned out to be false, and was I believe a skin condition.

They are in a different county for where I am, (still in the UK) the condition of the house was so bad that I had to check my family in a hotel, because we were given a single quilt for 4 of us, 2 adults and 2 children, it was filthy, and smelled of stake urine.

There is no talking to this family member they wont listen, said person is NOT depressed, its just complete laziness, they would rather watch TV than feed the children. (example, children last eat on the Saturday at 5pm, and did not again eat until 4.30pm the next day) where I took them to be fed. (chippy)

There is ALOT more to this, but that is my main concerns.

OP posts:
FlossieMae · 14/05/2012 14:09

You need to post on an Internet forum to ask? Call social services now.

Dawndonna · 14/05/2012 14:13

NSPCC will send the correct county team in.

MsPaperbackWriter · 14/05/2012 14:14

I feel sick, please please don't delay any further. Call them NOW - that is disgusting, those poor kids. You need to help them.

Please ring now. Please keep us updated

MoaningMinnieRisesAgain · 14/05/2012 14:15

I agree. It sounds like neglect to me.

Whatnamethistime · 14/05/2012 14:15

Ss what are you waiting for?

GeneHuntsMistress · 14/05/2012 14:15

Jesus Christ why are you wasting time posting on here? Just phone them FFS! Can't believe you need to ask or have this validated.

TroublesomeEx · 14/05/2012 14:19

You can make a referral to your local SS and they will notify the correct area team.

You can't not. You need to phone them now. I know it seems scary - it's a huge thing to do - and I know that's why you're asking on here rather than having done it already, but really. It's the best thing all round.

As for depression, I don't think you can really say for definite that it isn't. It might not be, she might just be lazy and selfish and not give a shit, but it's rare people live like that through choice.

Either way, the children need to be helped and you are an adult. Make the call.

You can report via the NSPCC - the number is here. As they say, don't wait to be certain.

laughlovelife · 14/05/2012 14:27

The reason for my delay is because family member is a sibling, for anyone else I wouldnt hesitate I knew said children were living in circumstances that were not to my likening, however having witnessed it first hand is making me ill, not just for my little children but for the way said member is living.

Definitely not depressed folkgirl, just very very lazy.

Its all very well saying what you waiting for etc... the implication of this, would be disastrous for the whole family, not just immediate.

OP posts:
StripyMagicDragon · 14/05/2012 14:29

I wouldn't be thinking of the im

Dropdeadfred · 14/05/2012 14:30

And the implications for those children????

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 14/05/2012 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StripyMagicDragon · 14/05/2012 14:32

I wouldn't be thinking of the implications for the family. I would be thinking of the implications for the children. You need to do something to help them, they can't help themselves. Do it.

baboos · 14/05/2012 14:33

Well... the whole family should be damn well ashamed of themselves! Leaving children in this situation, if it was my sibling I would not hesitate.

Get on phone and leave nothing out, I would presume they will take it quite seriously since you are a family member and not some random caller.

ENormaSnob · 14/05/2012 14:34

To ignore abuse is to be complicit.

Dropdeadfred · 14/05/2012 14:34

I can't believe you didn't take the sibling firmly to task whilst you were there!!! And why did you allow the children to go 12 hours without food if you were there too???

TroublesomeEx · 14/05/2012 14:34

Well if depression is not an issue and she just needs a massive kick up the arse, then you need to make sure she gets it!

I completely understand the implications for the rest of the family. Sometimes the fall out from this sort of thing is huge.

The thing is, if it's that bad then your sibling is going to need help getting it sorted. The SW will be really nice to your sibling - whilst keeping the children's interests first and foremost, and will help your sibling to sort out the house.

Dropdeadfred · 14/05/2012 14:36

Can you explain why it would be disastrous for the whole family if those children were helped out of that hellhole???

Flimflammery · 14/05/2012 14:37

Imagine those children at age 16, 18, whatever, looking you in the eye and asking, 'why didn't you help us?'

TroublesomeEx · 14/05/2012 14:37

Oh and I do agree with everyone who is using much stronger words. You do have a responsibility to those children to do whatever it takes to protect them.

But I do understand that it can be hard.

Your sibling chose to allow them to live in that house/state/condition. You can choose to let it continue or to put a stop to it. If you do nothing, you are complicit and also sending an awful message to the children.

Lots of people making lots of hard choices around on MN at the moment. Doing the right thing, isn't the same as doing the easy thing. Believe me.

MooBaaWoofCheep · 14/05/2012 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Olympia2012 · 14/05/2012 14:38

No beds
No food in cupboards

It's an ss issue

Have school not noticed?

TroublesomeEx · 14/05/2012 14:39

Those children will already be unhappy. It will be affecting their friendships at school. It will be affecting their progress at school. It will be affecting their health. In short, it is having a detrimental effect on their whole lives.

ScrambledSmegs · 14/05/2012 14:39

FGS, why do you even need to ask?! Call SS now! Those poor kids.

verytellytubby · 14/05/2012 14:40

Bloody hell. You booked into a hotel and left her children there!

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 14:40

What will you do op?

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