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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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wwyd, family and possible intervention by SS needed.

157 replies

laughlovelife · 14/05/2012 14:06

I have a family member who has 2 children under 8, the house for me is beyond livable, it is filthy, said family member sleeps on the couch as bedroom cannot be used, due to clothes, beer bottles, dirt, etc... so sleeps on the couch (all it needs is a good guttering/clean, but said member is far too lazy) The children have to share a single mattress as said member would rather spend her money on immaterial non essentials.

There is no food in the cupboards, children dont get fed in the house, they are dirty/smelly, (they dont get baths) live on takeaways, and by the looks of things, that's their only meal a day.

Stayed this weekend, at said members house, the quilt is disgusting, its yellow stained, actually scrub that its brown, its completely boggin, their was no soap, tooth brush, loo roll, the children are wiping themselves with their fingers, or using towels, the oldest child's mouth is ulcerated, however is getting dental treatment for it. The Kitchen is disgusting, takeaway cartons mouldy, no clean plates etc... the house is immacrated in dog hair also, and the dog lives in the kitchen.

SS I believe were involved a few weeks ago, however did not visit the home, they were involved I believe because the oldest was "self harming" this turned out to be false, and was I believe a skin condition.

They are in a different county for where I am, (still in the UK) the condition of the house was so bad that I had to check my family in a hotel, because we were given a single quilt for 4 of us, 2 adults and 2 children, it was filthy, and smelled of stake urine.

There is no talking to this family member they wont listen, said person is NOT depressed, its just complete laziness, they would rather watch TV than feed the children. (example, children last eat on the Saturday at 5pm, and did not again eat until 4.30pm the next day) where I took them to be fed. (chippy)

There is ALOT more to this, but that is my main concerns.

OP posts:
crashdoll · 14/05/2012 21:14

OP, I appreciate this is very hard but please swallow your fear and do the right thing by speaking to social services first thing tomorrow morning. You are not 'reporting' your sibling nor 'getting them into trouble'. Support is clearly needed and you are pushing it firmly in the family's direction. They won't remove the children instantly, they will work with the family to make a better life for everyone. Please don't delay.

Ignore the scaremongering shit from people who don't know but claim to know someone or something or whatever. It's so easy to say "of course I'd tell SS straight away" but when emotional ties are involved, it is not the same. No one can possibly know if what you're going through unless they've been through something similar and even then, every situation is unique. I understand it will be difficult but imagine how difficult life is every single day for those children. No one has to know it was you. Please be brave and do it for those little children who deserve so much more than the life they're living now.

Bumdrop · 14/05/2012 21:26

Well done op, u have informed your friend who is a sw in the right location,
U have passed on info. And photos.
U have in effect notified as of child protection issue / child neglect.
I have no idea why u getting moaned at,
Good for u,m

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 14/05/2012 22:11

I just want to point something very important out.
The extended family can think something is wrong and they can also do something about it and get nowhere.

I know many family members who spent months and years trying to get someone to listen to them. They eventually end up caring for traumatized children and dealing with angry birth parents.

They get treated as if they have some weird agenda.

Its happened to me and its not pleasant. It wouldnt stop me reporting concerns but lets not imagine its easy or simple.

thekidsrule · 14/05/2012 22:20

good luck op,you have done something that some would turn a blind eye to

horrible horrible position to be put in

you have done the right thing and you deserve support not anger by some

please let us know what happens

DaenerysTargaryen · 14/05/2012 22:50

That's what's happened in my family MrsDevere :( its never easy but in the end its about the kids and you are right, it affects the kids in horrible ways, there are about 6 kids in my family who live with various family members rather than with their parents, I have one staying with me right now. They are all traumatized in some way :(

Its very hard when you love the people you are effectively taking kids away from but sadly it has to be done if needs be.

I hope you're ok op :)

DaenerysTargaryen · 14/05/2012 22:52

Think I overused the word 'kids' a bit there Blush

Dropdeadfred · 15/05/2012 09:49

If the op had said that the sibling had mh problems, or a physical disability or emotional problems that were to blame then I would have sympathy and I would be on here suggesting ways to help them. But the op clearly stated that that this is not the case and that the sibling is just lazy and would rather watch tv than feed their own children.
In the ops thread title she also asked wwyd? So I have told her, as have plenty of others,only to be told that it's not possible for us to know, or our actions would be useless or worse harmful.

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