wwyd, family and possible intervention by SS needed.

[laughlovelife]

I have a family member who has 2 children under 8, the house for me is beyond livable, it is filthy, said family member sleeps on the couch as bedroom cannot be used, due to clothes, beer bottles, dirt, etc... so sleeps on the couch (all it needs is a good guttering/clean, but said member is far too lazy) The children have to share a single mattress as said member would rather spend her money on immaterial non essentials.

There is no food in the cupboards, children dont get fed in the house, they are dirty/smelly, (they dont get baths) live on takeaways, and by the looks of things, that's their only meal a day.

Stayed this weekend, at said members house, the quilt is disgusting, its yellow stained, actually scrub that its brown, its completely boggin, their was no soap, tooth brush, loo roll, the children are wiping themselves with their fingers, or using towels, the oldest child's mouth is ulcerated, however is getting dental treatment for it. The Kitchen is disgusting, takeaway cartons mouldy, no clean plates etc... the house is immacrated in dog hair also, and the dog lives in the kitchen.

SS I believe were involved a few weeks ago, however did not visit the home, they were involved I believe because the oldest was "self harming" this turned out to be false, and was I believe a skin condition.

They are in a different county for where I am, (still in the UK) the condition of the house was so bad that I had to check my family in a hotel, because we were given a single quilt for 4 of us, 2 adults and 2 children, it was filthy, and smelled of stake urine.

There is no talking to this family member they wont listen, said person is NOT depressed, its just complete laziness, they would rather watch TV than feed the children. (example, children last eat on the Saturday at 5pm, and did not again eat until 4.30pm the next day) where I took them to be fed. (chippy)

There is ALOT more to this, but that is my main concerns.

squashed As soon as the school tell SS how they came by the information, SS will ask for the report to be made by the OP, or someone else who has actually witnessed it.

Then op has to do it. Why wouldn't she???

If the family as a whole were really that bothered and wanted to help those children then surely one of them would have told the mother that they were going to take them to stay with them for a while and unless she wanted social services calling she had best let tat happen. Then she would need to tidy the house and show willing to change before those kids ever went back.
And think ... Would she really have called the police shouting kidnap ( if that drastic action had been taken) knowing that would have alerted authorities to the state of the house?? I think not

Er. Only read the first page so apologies but... Can't possibly be true. Surely no one would stand by and let that happen. Plus the slip with country and county.

"I'd rather be disowned by my family than sit by and let children live in terrible conditions."

That's the bottom line, isn't it? The children should not have to endure this misery for the sake of keeping the peace within op's family. Op: are you really sure that other members of your family are vehemently against doing what's right and reporting? Surely they must be just as worried as you?

Oh and also, how has this not been picked up by the kids' school? Safeguarding/child protection is a big thing at the moment. The slightest inkling and the teacher should have reported it.

Right so if your family know of your involvement with calling social services (which I seriously hope you're doing!) they will disown you?

Why is there a problem with that, when apparently they've known about this disgusting state of affairs all along and have enabled this woman to treat her children is this vile manner? Why would you want to have anything to do with people like that, family or not?!

I seem to have assumed the person is a she - I do mean person* btw.

I feel for you OP. My DH and his brother grew up in those exact same conditions, they would go for days without food, lived and slept in the same clothes for months on end. His mum is/was schizophrenic, and refused to take any medication. They were in and out of foster homes and children's homes for their entire childhood. God knows why SS kept sending them back to their mum. Eventually they moved in with his aunt and uncle when DH was 14 and his brother 15. But honestly it was far too bloody late by then! They should have been placed somewhere permanently from an early age.

Is there anyway you or another suitable family member could take the kids in? Only from DH's experience and the fact that SS have been involved several times now, it's quite possible they'll end up back in the same situation a few months down the line.

Blackholes Sometimes schools don't refer because they think they can manage the fact the children turn up unfed and in dirty clothes in school (sometimes TAs will help the children to wash, dress them in clean spares and take the children to get toast from the kitchen) but they don't necessarily realise that what they are seeing is the tip of the iceberg and they don't refer because they feel that it would be disloyal to the family.

Many teachers go through their whole careers not seeing something like this so when they do, just like everyone else, the school don't always do what they should. Just like the OP, they're worried about getting it wrong. I'm a teacher and I've been on plenty of CP/Safeguarding training days and you wouldn't believe the lack of knowledge teachers have. Because their training/experience was in education and not social work.

blackholes ss have been involved previously. School are likely aware of that!

Or the schools think that by washing/dressing/feeding the children, they are address the sum total of the problems.

Many school's only get involved when attendance is bad too.

if the children are in scotland you could make a referral direct to the children's reporter which might have a better chance of being kept anonymous - been a while since i was involved but i think they were willing to keep initial reports confidential.

I don't think that getting the school involved would be viable - they are not allowed to discuss pupils with people other than their legal guardians without consent from the guardians. Think it's to do with data protection.

I have spoken to friend, she has took the school number and is going to contact them, asking for original csc original referral, and with the photos, she does not think that I will need to be further involved, however obviously cannot say for 100%.

so for now its in her hands, she is in the siblings country so on a positive note the referral would come from siblings country and not mine.

Gosh, what a difficult situation, awful re: family would cut you out. But, these people are complicit in the abuse by covering it up, and you will be too if you don't do the right thing by these poor children

Does the parent even want to children?

that sounds very tenuous and a lot of links and ifs buts and maybes. Do you not think for the sake of the children not spending another night sleeping on a urine soaked mattress and wiping the bums with their hands, you could fight to get involvement today.
Are you physically threatened by the family? Otherwise what's the problem being cut off from these low lifes?

indeed

now i need to go and get my own poor neglected children (MN making me late for pick up :o) and try to wipe out the images in my mind

freind is a SW, she actually works in the department that the referral would go to.

yes this is all lies, completely made it up, its just something I like doing for fun because I am a sick and twisted individual

that's the common though of MN as of late, I wish this were lies, then I would not have to be in the situation I am in.

Family is important, only a handful of family know, not all, most have bent over backwards to help, yet the sibling does not care, sibling absolutely adores the children, no question of that, however I think they have got used to living this way and are stuck in a rut, a selfish one at that.

Why is everyone attacking the OP? I think she is in a horribly difficult position and doing the best she can. Of course those children need help, but if we were all in the same position as the OP, would we be able to think with utter clarity within minutes of seeing such a ghastly scene?

And as for the calls of troll.......