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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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wwyd, family and possible intervention by SS needed.

157 replies

laughlovelife · 14/05/2012 14:06

I have a family member who has 2 children under 8, the house for me is beyond livable, it is filthy, said family member sleeps on the couch as bedroom cannot be used, due to clothes, beer bottles, dirt, etc... so sleeps on the couch (all it needs is a good guttering/clean, but said member is far too lazy) The children have to share a single mattress as said member would rather spend her money on immaterial non essentials.

There is no food in the cupboards, children dont get fed in the house, they are dirty/smelly, (they dont get baths) live on takeaways, and by the looks of things, that's their only meal a day.

Stayed this weekend, at said members house, the quilt is disgusting, its yellow stained, actually scrub that its brown, its completely boggin, their was no soap, tooth brush, loo roll, the children are wiping themselves with their fingers, or using towels, the oldest child's mouth is ulcerated, however is getting dental treatment for it. The Kitchen is disgusting, takeaway cartons mouldy, no clean plates etc... the house is immacrated in dog hair also, and the dog lives in the kitchen.

SS I believe were involved a few weeks ago, however did not visit the home, they were involved I believe because the oldest was "self harming" this turned out to be false, and was I believe a skin condition.

They are in a different county for where I am, (still in the UK) the condition of the house was so bad that I had to check my family in a hotel, because we were given a single quilt for 4 of us, 2 adults and 2 children, it was filthy, and smelled of stake urine.

There is no talking to this family member they wont listen, said person is NOT depressed, its just complete laziness, they would rather watch TV than feed the children. (example, children last eat on the Saturday at 5pm, and did not again eat until 4.30pm the next day) where I took them to be fed. (chippy)

There is ALOT more to this, but that is my main concerns.

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 14/05/2012 14:56

OP I'm confused. You first of all said you're in a different county but still in the UK, now yousay it's a different country.

Either way, get on the phone

Olympia2012 · 14/05/2012 14:56

She stated country clearly. And she also had her own dc with her..... So what should she be doing with her own kids?

She fed all the children.

entropygirl · 14/05/2012 14:56

god- I don't know why I read these threads...you get all involved and try and think of solutions and then the OP disappears and you never know what happened with the children....

soverylucky · 14/05/2012 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahStratton · 14/05/2012 14:56

Oh, and you did put 'county' in your OP btw.

Olympia2012 · 14/05/2012 14:56

You don't just walk out with someone else's kids!!

entropygirl · 14/05/2012 14:57

given the use of the word boggin I think the countries may be within the UK, ie. Op in scotland, sis in england although she could just say which would save time speculating...

wishiwasonholiday · 14/05/2012 14:57

Ring ss ASAP!

Heyyyho · 14/05/2012 14:59

She said county in op!

Olympia2012 · 14/05/2012 14:59

Just call them and explain. Don't bother with waiting around for a friend to call back

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 14/05/2012 15:00

Let us know what ss day when you've spoken to them please?

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 15:01

SS have been involved before? So has the situation got worse? And presumably you all knew there was an issue before now?
Hopefully previous SS involvement will be a red flag and the children will be removed for their own good.

gnocci · 14/05/2012 15:01

I think she means england/scotland/ireland.

laughlovelife · 14/05/2012 15:02

I am a 5 and a half hour drive from my family member, say opposite side of England and Scotland from each other.

as I said I am awaiting phone call from friend, the children are in school today.

OP posts:
DaenerysTargaryen · 14/05/2012 15:03

Its not just someone elses kids, its family, it takes a village...

gnocci · 14/05/2012 15:05

What do you mean you are waiting for a call from a friend?

gnocci · 14/05/2012 15:05

What do you mean you are waiting for a call from a friend?

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 14/05/2012 15:06

FFS you cant just walk out of a house with someone's children.
What planet to people live on?

Stop slagging off the OP. She is going to do something. It is not easy to be on the edge of setting something huge in motion.

Of course she should act but I cannot bear all this 'why are you wasting your time on here', 'take the kids' etc etc.

Life is not like that. If we see a child about to be run over most of us would act on instinct and jump in to save them. Seeing children living in neglectful circumstances makes us want to help but leaves us unsure of what to do.

It helps to dicuss it first. Posting on the internet for views and advice is not going to cause more harm to the children. It helps to get things right in our heads and to make sure we are not making a fuss about nothing.

laughlovelife · 14/05/2012 15:07

SPB, There was a major incident when the youngest was a baby, SS and CPS became involved then, and then a few months back SS became involved when school phoned CSC, about oldest "selfharming", MY family dont tell me much, however I have been told over the past few days, especially yesterday evening the extent of it.

The implication would be that I would be disowned from my family for life, as it would be seen as a massive betrayal.

OP posts:
entropygirl · 14/05/2012 15:07

bang on mrsD

SarahStratton · 14/05/2012 15:07

Is there any other family closer to her, that you could get involved? :(

SarahStratton · 14/05/2012 15:10

Ignore that, cross post. You really are stuck between a rock and a hard place. :(

Mosman · 14/05/2012 15:10

Would they have to know it was you, couldn't SS just be following up ?

Deny deny deny to family but make the call for sure, crickey you can't do anything else can you ?

entropygirl · 14/05/2012 15:10

laugh it might not turn out that way with your family...and from the other point of view it could be considered a betrayal of the children to not act. Is there any chance you can get buy in from the rest of the family? you have implied that they are no happier about the situation than you? If the family decided to act collectively there would no betrayal? Especially if your sister is approached by the family as a whole first?

laughlovelife · 14/05/2012 15:10

Thnakyou MrsDeVere.

and everyone else, even the blames ones, I know I need to take action and I will be taking action, just need to get my head in the right frame of mind to do so.

OP posts: