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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I should complain about a teacher when DD (15) says no

222 replies

Menashaday · 12/05/2012 15:35

yesterday DD (15) reported that a teacher at school has stuck a plaster over her mouth because she was talking too much. There is a bit of history about being chatty in class and this seems to be have been jovial and light hearted. DD isn't upset or complaining and she says I shouldn't complain because things would be worse. The teacher also did it to a boy in the class and shouted at him when he took it off. Hence DD keeping hers on!

This feels wrong and actually that this teacher should not be teaching - she retires this year in any case.

Advice pleaseConfused

OP posts:
MidnightHag · 15/05/2012 18:01

some teachers pick on 'good' ie well-behaved pupils as they know they won't kick off if they tell them off
Er, no, actually teachers just want to teach. Believe it or not, they don't spend their time looking for pupils to "pick on", good or otherwise!

noblegiraffe · 15/05/2012 18:06

If he's always talking in class then he's not really well behaved is he? It's astonishing how many kids are 'picked on' when they aren't doing what they should be doing.

AgentZigzag · 15/05/2012 18:18

That is a despicable thing to do to another poster BoneyBack!

I'm completely Shock and Angry on their behalf

Mayisout · 15/05/2012 18:29

Midnight Hag
'some teachers pick on 'good' ie well-behaved pupils as they know they won't kick off if they tell them off
Er, no, actually teachers just want to teach. Believe it or not, they don't spend their time looking for pupils to "pick on", good or otherwise!'

This was a teacher who was poor at disciplining his class. It was a well known fact amongst parents and pupils. We all, except you, know of bad teachers amongst the majority who are good. Most of the teachers in the school were excellent.
It's seems quite feasible to me that certain teachers are not good at disciplining a class and that this teacher did choose to pick on my son, who was very popular amongst other teachers, to shout at when he wanted the class to quieten down.
I was also reminded recently by a friend, who is a teacher herself, how MrX our english teacher always belittled and took the mickey out of a certain girl in our class. The class goes along with it to avoid being picked on themselves, blatant bullying. I would imagine there is less of this nowadays but like I said, the teacher picks on someone who won't argue back.

noblegiraffe · 15/05/2012 18:31

May, did you ever suggest to your DS that maybe he should shut up in class and that if he wasn't talking, the teacher couldn't 'pick on him'?

Mayisout · 15/05/2012 18:49

He was v quiet and only 13 yrs old but some of the boys in the class were pretty full of themselves so I would assume started the conversations. He certainly wouldn't have. The teacher struggled.

I am more than confident about the facts in my previous post, I know my son and, as he was the third child to go through that school I had a pretty good idea about the teachers.

The OP seemed a similar situation. STicking plaster over a 15 year olds mouth is blatantly wrong in the present day. To me it sounds a belittling thing to do to a 15year old, teacher seemed unable to maintain discipline so was resorting to sneaky tactics, the same situation as my son was in imo.

But teachers have a hard time, I wouldn't be one for love nor money and wouldn't make a complaint over it.

Bigpants1 · 15/05/2012 19:01

"some posters can't win..."
I didnt realise it was a competition we are posting on. What's the prize?
You just wait till playtime...my conkers Much bigger than yours!
Jeez.

noblegiraffe · 15/05/2012 19:14

May, so he was talking and it was completely valid for the teacher to ask him to stop talking? And instead of telling him to stop talking you justify it because other kids started the conversation? You're as bad as the kids with their excuses for their poor behaviour!

I've noticed a tendency among pupils to claim that they are being picked on when they are asked to be quiet. In their minds no one else is ever asked to be quiet and it's only ever just them. Usually, they don't notice the many other requests to the class and individuals to be quiet because they are too busy gabbing and it only ever registers when their name is used. Hmm

Mayisout · 15/05/2012 19:38

The impression I was given by his classmates is that they were all talking much of the time but the only child to be shouted at was DS.

He DID NOT claim to be picked on, his classmates told me Mr X is always on at DS, DS said not to say anything to Mr X when I discussed it with him, him on his own and him with classmates there (they seemed to think I should do something).

noblegiraffe · 15/05/2012 19:40

Perhaps you should have told him and his classmates to stop talking?

Mayisout · 15/05/2012 19:44

By the way this was the only time I really felt I should take a child's side against a teacher...... and in the end did nothing.

Have 3 grown up DCs ( thus a total of 39 years of child schooling + some distant experiences of my own) and in my view being occasionally ticked off by a teacher for something the DC claims not to have done is just part and parcel of life. Good training for the real world where things don't always go your way. Imo most teachers do their best but like all humans, this includes mums, are not perfect.

Mayisout · 15/05/2012 19:45

Perhaps you should have told him and his classmates to stop talking?

noblegiraffe, are you a parent?

noblegiraffe · 15/05/2012 19:49

So a group of poorly behaved students instead of improving their behaviour in order to avoid getting their classmate into trouble decided instead to try to convince you to get the teacher into trouble?

Lots of parents do phone the school. I wish more of them would actually ask their kid if they were misbehaving and then liaise with the teacher to ensure that they stopped it.

noblegiraffe · 15/05/2012 19:51

May, I'm a parent, but I am also a teacher who has successfully liaised with many parents in order to improve the behaviour of their children in class. This is usually most successful when the parents don't blame the teacher for the poor behaviour of their child.

AgentZigzag · 15/05/2012 20:00

'What's the prize?'

Laminated achievement certificate, and (this is the clincher for me) to choose your own sticker for your reward chart.

Bigpants1 · 15/05/2012 21:19

Sadly,AgentZigzag,
Due to my severe allergic reaction to the plaster I had stuck on my mouth, I am off school. Now, the Welfare Officer is after me, cos he says I brought all this on myself. My careless mother forgot to mention on the Information Sheet, my allergies.And in any case, he says, allergic reactions are a new-fangled,made-up thing, like that ADHD thing. Everyone knows its baaaad parenting-SunSchorch confirmed this.
Please have another sticker on me & pull Lucy's hair when Miss isn't looking.

Mayisout · 15/05/2012 21:21

So a group of poorly behaved students instead of improving their behaviour in order to avoid getting their classmate into trouble decided instead to try to convince you to get the teacher into trouble?

No, a group of normal kids were taking advantage of an inadequate teacher, as they are wont to do, and he was taking this out on my son. I didn't need to phone the school I could have brought it up at any meet the teacher session but decided not to as my son didn't want it. We moved away the following summer, had the problem continued I would have spoken to the teacher, no probs.

noblegiraffe · 15/05/2012 22:36

I do wonder if the parents supported the 'inadequate' teacher in the matter of their child's inadequate behaviour whether it would have been such a problem.

Apparently you think that choosing to misbehave for a particular teacher is something that children are 'wont to do' and that the teacher should be admonished instead of the child.

And this is why low level disruption is such a problem in schools. It's enough to put teachers off involving parents with issues of poor behaviour in case the parent turns around and gives the teacher hell.

Mayisout · 16/05/2012 00:16

Hmm I said I would have spoken to the teacher, certainly not given him hell

noblegiraffe · 16/05/2012 07:14

I'm glad to hear it. However, if you went to the school and said something along the lines of 'My son says he keeps talking in class and you keep telling him off, it's unfair, could you stop it please' (which appears to be your issue), you'd be one in a long line of parents supporting the kid in their poor behaviour over their teacher's attempt to maintain discipline.

MidnightHag · 16/05/2012 07:37

Noblegiraffe, thanks for saying everything I would. As teachers and parents we need to be helping kids take responsibility for their behaviour. Smile at how pompous I sound!

Mayisout · 16/05/2012 10:12

If I went to the school I would say 'How is DS doing?' blah blah. blah about the subject 'I get the impression they can be quite a noisy bunch' blah blah blah 'DS feels he is always being told off'' and see what Mr X says.
And leave it at that. Mr X will know from that that I am aware of issue and would prob change his ways.

As it is I did have meet the teacher meeting with Mr X and found him fidgety and avoiding my eyes. Not inspiring.Thought it v likely that what classmates said was true.(no doubt noblegiraffe will construe this as due to my aggressive attitude or some such!)

Up until now I have felt the Govs criticism of 'bad' teachers was a way of diverting attention from underfunding, from the over defensive views on here am changing my mind.

noblegiraffe · 16/05/2012 10:36

Change his ways? You mean stop telling your DS to be quiet when he is talking in class? You justify your DS talking, you blame the teacher and you object to your DS being told to shut up. Hmm

Any parent that comes to me with 'My kid feels he is told off a lot' would be met with a hearty list of things the kid had done to warrant the telling off and an assurance that if he stopped doing those things then he wouldn't be told off at all.

Sunscorch · 16/05/2012 19:43

Everyone knows its baaaad parenting-SunSchorch confirmed this.

I don't believe I've said anything about parenting in this thread at all.
So I'll kindly ask you not to lie about me in public.

Bigpants1 · 17/05/2012 02:03

Yes, & I would like you not to make sweeping statements on a public forum, but I guess that's not going to happen!

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