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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I should complain about a teacher when DD (15) says no

222 replies

Menashaday · 12/05/2012 15:35

yesterday DD (15) reported that a teacher at school has stuck a plaster over her mouth because she was talking too much. There is a bit of history about being chatty in class and this seems to be have been jovial and light hearted. DD isn't upset or complaining and she says I shouldn't complain because things would be worse. The teacher also did it to a boy in the class and shouted at him when he took it off. Hence DD keeping hers on!

This feels wrong and actually that this teacher should not be teaching - she retires this year in any case.

Advice pleaseConfused

OP posts:
ravenAK · 13/05/2012 21:03

I'd only ever get away with this with a student I got on well with, tbh - it's possibly just about OK in the context of a joke.

I did have one student who used to come into my lesson with his earphones in. One day one of my then tutor group (year 11) happened to be lingering & said to him in a stage whisper: 'Oooh, mate, you don't want to be doing that with Miss. I did once & she SNEAKED UP BEHIND ME & CUT THE LEAD WITH SCISSORS!' (this was complete bolleaux obviously).

For the rest of the year this lad'd come in, I'd pick up a pair of scissors from my desk & menacingly in his direction, he'd pretend to be terrified & remove the earphones pronto. All good clean fun...

Mrbojangles1 · 13/05/2012 21:06

If she was quite when asked their would have been no plaster to moan about

Typical moan gnashing of teeth about teachers when it's the child's behaviour that's the question constant talking in lesson is no fun it stops others who want to learn

I very much doubut this was her first port of call no doubut after asking you child serial time to be silent and your dd seems to know her self most likey if you went to complaine YOU would be very embarrassed with takes of her constant chatter hence her not wanting to take this forward

AgentZigzag · 13/05/2012 21:09

'Some people seem to be projecting their own issues onto this situation.'

If you mean me noblegiraffe, why don't you just say so?

I've already said I might be, it doesn't invalidate my opinion though.

JayelleBee · 13/05/2012 21:15

When I was at school, in the 80s, a kid who chatted got her arm broken by her science teacher. He'd repeatedly told her off for chatting and she didn't stop. He went over and lifted her arm and dropped/banged it on the science bench. Unfortunately for him, her arm broke and she was in a plaster cast for weeks.

Apparently, her parents wrote to the school to say they realised it was accidental and couldn't blame the teacher for getting frustrated by their daughter's behaviour. No action was brought against the teacher and the whole school gossiped about it for ages.

Changed days.

I think if the reason OP's daughter doesn't want to do anything is due to it being trivial and she's not upset by it then OP should respect her DD's wishes. If the reason is fear of repercussions, then I would think carefully about it.

noblegiraffe · 13/05/2012 21:16

I meant more than one person, AgentZigzag and therefore didn't feel the need to single you out, with a name-check, which I had already done in a previous post.

It does invalidate your opinion of this particular incident btw, because your opinion is based on the fact that you wouldn't like it to happen to you. The OP's DD isn't you and didn't mind.

JaponicaR · 13/05/2012 21:19

Chatty or not. Disruptive or not. Sticking a plaster on a child's mouth is not the way for a teacher to deal with this. Not only because it could be misconstrued. What about the next child who is bothered.....

DebiTheScot · 13/05/2012 21:22

raven I think your pretending to cut the headphone lead is absolutely fine and yes there are things you can get away with when you hvae a good relationship with a class/student. But I still think putting plasters on someone's face is wrong. I cannot ever imagine doing that.

Also all those who are saying 'I bet it shut her up' and 'she deserved it'- that is not the point. The teacher is the adult, the student is a child. The teacher should not be behaving in this way. This is not an appropriate way to discipline any child. Even if they aren't behaving in an acceptable way.

This thread has really wound me up!

Sunscorch · 13/05/2012 21:22

The "being afraid of making things worse" excuse has got to be bullshit. She clearly doesn't give a crap about what the teacher says, or she wouldn't be spending her lessons driving a teacher batty with incessant talking.

I think, as giraffe (I think) said, that DD is actually worried about Mummy finding out how much of a pain in the ass she really is.

Sunscorch · 13/05/2012 21:24

This is not an appropriate way to discipline any child.

Every single book on behaviour I have ever read has recommended humour as a powerful management technique. It's not a sanction.

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/05/2012 21:26

If another child is bothered then that child's parents should take it up with the school. In this case the child wasn't bothered, the circumstances did not upset her and her relationship with her teacher is robust enough to take it.

DebiTheScot · 13/05/2012 21:43

I can't see how there's any humour involved here as the op said her dd doesn't have a good relationship with the teacher.
And even if they did have a good relationship I still don't think this is humorous.

And just because a child thinks it's ok doesn't make it ok.

WorraLiberty · 13/05/2012 21:51

Well she had a good enough relationship with her to allow her to put a sticking plaster on her mouth.

How on earth could she do that to a 15yr old who wasn't willing to let her?

AgentZigzag · 13/05/2012 21:54

I don't think/hope I would have let it happen worra, but it's amazing what people submit to when they think the other person's in a position of power over them.

Sunscorch · 13/05/2012 21:55

I still don't think this is humorous.

Well, no offence, but who cares?
It's between the student and the teacher.

And just because a child thinks it's ok doesn't make it ok.

I have a feeling that you're about to compare sticking a plaster on a child's mouth, to sticking a penis inside a child's mouth.

Sunscorch · 13/05/2012 21:56

it's amazing what people submit to when they think the other person's in a position of power over them.

This would be a compelling argument, were it not for the fact that the child in question had literally just spent an entire lesson ignoring the teacher's instructions.

WorraLiberty · 13/05/2012 21:58

See I think the same as Sunscorch, ZigZag....in the sense that if she really thought the teacher had any power, she wouldn't be chatting all the time in her class.

Remember she's a 'model pupil' for other teachers.

I think she probably see's this one as a bit of a joke from what I've read.

ChippingIn · 13/05/2012 22:16

I grew up in the 70's/80's - I wish my kids could. It was a sane time - somewhere between nuns with rulers and teachers who aren't allowed to say 'Boo' to the little darlings.

You couldn't pay me enough to be a teacher these days - and it's not the children who are the problem Hmm

ChippingIn · 13/05/2012 22:17

There's no way I'd have told my parents either - I would have been in trouble for not doing what was expected of me.

Mrbojangles1 · 13/05/2012 22:25

My cousin who teahes had to stop her lesson for 30 minutes last week because two boys would not stop talking the lesson is only one hour long

If this then happens every week they are basically having half a weeks history lesson

I was hoping with the riots people would finally wake up to how spoilt uks children are but the parenting marching up the school bug is still alive a kicking

WorraLiberty · 13/05/2012 22:27

Interestingly enough bo, the majority of rioters were young adults

So in a roundabout way you have a point

Because they are/will be the parents of today.

Just like Chipping, no-one could pay me enough money to teach people's kids today.

DebiTheScot · 13/05/2012 22:56

sunscorch that is not where I was going at all. That sort of extreme had honestly not crossed my mind.

Sunscorch · 13/05/2012 23:12

So... what were you thinking of?
Other totally different and incomparable situations?

DebiTheScot · 14/05/2012 08:11

I was thinking in terms of teaching and general behaviour of teenagers in schools (since that's what the thread is about and I am a teacher) rather than specific 'adult does something wrong but child thinks it's ok' things. Hadn't necessarily thought of specific situations but I guess things like thinking it's ok to shout at a teacher just because the teacher shouted at them or hitting a kid because they hit them first etc.

gettinghappy · 14/05/2012 08:22

Have only read the 1st 2 pages of this and am completely shocked ( but not surprised) that so many folls only seem to have read the 'lighthearted' comment but have completely missed that op's DD didn't take it off because when it happened to a classmate and he did take it off he got a bollocking!!!

That is not light hearted. It is bullying and humiliating and definitely not ok!!

OP I think you are right that someone in the school does need to know. I would not usually advocate annonymous anything, I think it's better if we are all able to be upfront....... however since this has obviously happened on more than 1 occasion , then other parents could also complain. So maybe an annonymous note to HT stating that this has happened on more than 1 occasion in this class? And for what it's worth it is abuse ( awaits flaming)

As to why everyone has a go at teachers at thid time of year.........I think people are simply raising issues which come up when the crap teachers are allowed to do their stuff! Unfortunatelyt as with any line of work there are fantastic teachers, ok teachers and absolutely crap ones who should not be in the classroom.

It seems to me that those folks who claim to be teachers on here, who defend the absolutely disgusting practice of other teachers are just as bad and should also not be in the classroom. Thankfully there would seem to be some very good, sensible, caring teachers too.

Sunscorch · 14/05/2012 17:33

completely missed that op's DD didn't take it off because when it happened to a classmate and he did take it off he got a bollocking!

That's the OPs interpretation. I didn't read it as the daughter saying that.
Also "a bollocking" isn't the words the OP used; you've taken "shouted" and made it more emotive and accusatory, even though it's an interpretation of events by a clearly unreliable source.

It seems to me that those folks who claim to be teachers on here, who defend the absolutely disgusting practice of other teachers are just as bad and should also not be in the classroom.

Thanks. I'm glad my new employers don't share your opinion.
For the record, I don't spend my time defending the "absolutely disgusting practises of teachers", I spend my time defending teachers from the the absolutely disgusting interpretations of their potentially perfectly innocent behaviour.
Purely because so very few people do.