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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I should complain about a teacher when DD (15) says no

222 replies

Menashaday · 12/05/2012 15:35

yesterday DD (15) reported that a teacher at school has stuck a plaster over her mouth because she was talking too much. There is a bit of history about being chatty in class and this seems to be have been jovial and light hearted. DD isn't upset or complaining and she says I shouldn't complain because things would be worse. The teacher also did it to a boy in the class and shouted at him when he took it off. Hence DD keeping hers on!

This feels wrong and actually that this teacher should not be teaching - she retires this year in any case.

Advice pleaseConfused

OP posts:
ripsishere · 12/05/2012 17:40

Abuse FFS, that isn't abuse.

msrantsalot · 12/05/2012 17:43

I wouldn't make a formal complaint. But I would get the teacher alone and tell her I wasn't amused and it better not happen again. If it was my 8 year old. My 16 year old...Id wet myself and probably be making plaster jokes for the next year.

usualsuspect · 12/05/2012 17:45

So its ok to humiliate teenagers?
MN doesn't like teenagers much does it.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/05/2012 17:47

Thinks waaaayy back to school days.
Several of our teachers threw chalk at pupils (and some were a damn good aim)
One threw a blackboard duster (they were wooden with a felty bit on them.And heavy)

And one teacher lifted my chair with me on it onto the desk (I was swinging back on chair) then joked it was a good job it wasn't a particular girl who was quite heavy built as he wouldn't be able to lift her.

My views of abusive are obviously different.

And I was so Blush I didn't dare tell my mum.

Personally, I'd leave it. She's learned her lesson.Don't make it uncomfortable for her.

Bromdad · 12/05/2012 17:48

msrantalot,

What makes you think a parent has the right to 'get the teacher alone' and essentially threaten her?

This would not be acceptable in any workplace and as a teacher, I would refuse to speak/ meet with a parent like this without another professional present and would certainly inform the headteacher of the parents actions.

GnomeDePlume · 12/05/2012 17:48

I agree with AgentZigzag, not appropriate in an office setting. If OP's DD is in year 11 then she could be very soon in a work setting herself.

If this were done in a work setting then it would be considered inappropriate and disciplinary action might be taken.

This does not condone the chatting in class. I am sure that the school as other options not just packets of bandaid.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/05/2012 17:49

Its apparently ok for the teenager to disrespect and humilate the teacher tho.

FamiliesShareGerms · 12/05/2012 17:51

I think it?s out of order. What would posters say if the OP had something like "my husband got really cross with our kids talking so much and stuck plasters over their mouths. When one of them took it off he shouted at them really loudly". Would everyone really be saying it's OK? How many people gave done this to their own kids themselves? Hmmmm

OP, your daughter obviously needs to pipe down and concentrate in class. You need to talk to her about this. She probably ought to apologise to the teacher for talking so much she disrupted the class. The teacher ought to apologise to both the children to whom she did this. (Do you know the other boy's parents, BTW? What's their reaction?)

I'm really not one of the Elf & Safety brigade, but as an aside, if someone had done this to my dad he would have been hospitalised with a severe allergic reaction to the sticking plaster. Not really a lighthearted episode.

sixlostmonkeys · 12/05/2012 17:53

My DS is 15 and often wishes they would actually bring the army in to make the kids just.shut.up.
DS would disapprove of a flimsy plaster; he would rather see Jack Bauer deal with those who like to 'chat'.
(he hates having to waste his days at school listening to kids being disruptive and coming home feeling like he hasn't had the chance to learn anything again.

It makes me cringe that people actually consider a bloomin plaster as abuse when a generation are leaving school with inadequate education (but a real sense 'their rights')

GnomeDePlume · 12/05/2012 17:53

BoneyBack I dont think anyone has said that the OP's DD was in the right just some posters have said that the teacher was in the wrong.

This isnt an either/or situation.

jamdonut · 12/05/2012 17:54

I can remember being in Junior School (ooooh way back in 1975/6) and my teacher putting sticky tape over my mouth,because I wouldn't stop talking. She was actually a lovely teacher! We all laughed about it, it wasn't there for very long, and I tried hard to control my talking after that. I probably told my mum. She wouldn't complain. She probably said that it serves me right. I don't think I have been scarred for life. Why do people think it is abuse?

However, being a TA, it is more than my life is worth to try a similar stunt with any children in my care - I would be hung drawn and quartered!

usualsuspect · 12/05/2012 17:56

So would you all do it to your own children then?

AgentZigzag · 12/05/2012 17:57

What I think is probably coloured by how I was humiliated in school, being tied to my chair because I was getting up a lot at 5 YO was one of them Hmm

But because the OPs DD didn't feel it was a significant event, and she's old enough to decide for herself, it's not abusive IMO.

It'd only take a change to the circumstances of the situation for it to be abusive though, say if the girl had a crappy home life and was being bullied by other children?

That says it's not a universally acceptable way of treating someone.

sixlostmonkeys · 12/05/2012 18:04

I have, in the past, at some time or other, put tape over my DS's mouth, my Dad's, my friends'; my DS puts tape over his own mouth (at which I joke about enjoying the peace and quiet) and he puts it over my mouth (when I'm singing)

This isn't something we do on a daily basis (just needed to point out incase....) but far from it meaning we are abusing each other, it means we have a sense of humour (and sometimes just need the other to shut up. (tho why someone doesn't like my singing beats me)

ImperialBlether · 12/05/2012 18:05

Six is right. When children are losing their chance to an education and qualifications, a teacher jokingly putting a plaster on a gobby girl's mouth is hardly the end of the world.

In your place, OP, I'd be furious with my daughter.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 12/05/2012 18:20

Sounds to me like your daughter has a good relationship with this teacher. If she didn't, there's no way she'd have let her put a plaster over her mouth is there? This is a 15 year old not a small child. She's presumably close in size/strength etc to the teacher. Certainly not abuse. Just a joke, which in context was lighthearted and fun, but from the outside could be seen badly.

FWIW, I think it's an excellent idea (as a one off! Not a regular behaviour management technique). The teacher made her point. Your daughter shut up. Noone was hurt. Lesson continues.

Original poster
Menashaday · 12/05/2012 18:29

Actually they don't have a good relationship at all. Because she is not a good teacher and DD is too chatty ( not an issue in other classes btw- model student!)). She doesn't want to make a fuss because it would make things worse and yes she thinks it was a joke. It is me that thinks it was inappropriate for a teacher to do this.

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 12/05/2012 18:30

Actually I might do this with my son. Nothing else seems to get him to shut up.

AgentZigzag · 12/05/2012 18:38

Would you do it in front of all his friends say at a karate lesson or youth club Endoplasmic?

DD1 does my head right in with her inability to filter out the crap and just talks non-stop, so it's not like I don't know what mouthy's like long term Grin

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/05/2012 18:40

ZigZig my DS does karate and if they chat or look like they are not paying attention they have to do 5 press ups.

Do you think that is wrong/humiliating/abusive?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/05/2012 18:40

And these are 5-12 yo not older teens.

Bigpants1 · 12/05/2012 18:43

At that age, I can't decide if I'd speak to the teacher or not. Probably, on balance, I would. It may have started off as light-hearted, but I think that changed, when the boy was shouted at for taking his off. It smacks more of humiliation if they were expected to keep the plaster on for a whole lesson, rather than 5 mins-IYSWIM.
I know your dd was being chatty &the teacher was probably pissed,but what if it had been a "clip round the ear" instead of a plastser? Would that be seen as acceptable in the same circumstances?
Couldn't the punishment have been extra work/moved to the front of class, both of which would have been a reminder to your dd not to talk in class.
Yes, I think I would ring &speak to the Head of the Dept,( or Head,if this teacher is HoD). This way,your dd is somewhat removed from the situation, &the teacher can be spoken to by another member of staff, not you.

GrahamTribe · 12/05/2012 18:48

If you don't want your daughter to be treated like this how about you teach her to have a bit of respect for her teacher and her classmates and not talk so much during the lesson? Far rather than looking to blame the teacher you should be looking closer to home.

iago · 12/05/2012 18:53

When I was a secondary school teacher, I often threatened 'chatty' kids that I would put sticky tape over their mouths and reminded them of a court case (probably in the dark ages) when a judge threw out a case when a teacher was accused of doing this on the grounds he would have done it a lot sooner! (Wish I'd known about duct tape.) It made the point in a lighthearted manner, usually stopped the incessant chatting and, more importantly, showed the kids who were trying to listen that I understood their frustration.
I also used to make students stand on one leg if they kept tipping on their chairs after countless warnings. Everyone laughed including 'victim'.
Honestly, if you have never dealt with a roomful of adolescents, you have no idea how hard it is to discipline baddies whilst motivating the reluctant and encouraging the motivated. Comparisons with meetings of adults are ridiculous.

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 18:53

I think too, it's possible that some people are looking at this through the eyes of a much younger child.

These were 15yr old students...old enough to legally marry next year and have children of their own.

They would have been only too aware that there's no way on God's earth they would have been in trouble with the Head if they'd refused the sticking plasters.

I think it's fair to assume they were happy to go along with it and have a laugh.