to not tell them I'm pregnant.

[moogster1a]

I'm a childminder and am 8 weeks pg. I've got a family coming at the weekend to hopefully sign up for full time care ( 5 days a week) for their lo starting July.
Would it be very wrong of me not to mention the pg. until the lo has settled in with me. I just really don't want to put them off.
If my last pg's are anything to go by, I won't be showing till about September.
Also, I've only ever taken 4 weeks off maternity and last time just 2 weeks. I'm due at Christmas so this would tie in nicely with Christmas hols.
If I needed to take more time off, I have back up CM's who would cover.
Would you prefer to be told now, and would it put you off? ( my other parents have been very happy when my other dc arrived and it really didn't impact on their lo's care ).
Writing it down it seems a bit dishonest, doesn't it. Maybe I'd mention it come JUly when she starts...

BQ it kind of does
I've been self employed (until v recently)
If I was offered a contract lasting -what - a year?- but knew that for at least month of it, possibly longer, I would be unable to deliver, it would be extremely unprofessional for me not to tell the client, even if I had a back up plan. If I didn't tell them I might well lose the contract.

Add to this that we are talking about a very young child going into full time childcare. Not telling them lacks empathy.

(thanks heaven for nurseries)

thebody you sound as though you are exactly the right sort of childminder for me. Got any vacancies?

FallenCaryatid Fri 11-May-12 09:31:33
' After all CMs are only the "employed help" aren't they?'

They are paid a wage for a job? They are employed to help?
Yes.

I was being sarcastic but you helpfully proved my point so thank you <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Grin" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/grin-D7Eg_B6y.png">

MerylStrop - that is not how Cm contracts work though. It's not for a set length of time and either party can give (usually) 4 weeks notice of intent to leave. 

Can't really lump Cming into all SE/contract work.

Such a shame to see so much CM bashing on here when they provide such a valuable service <span class="line-through">to your children</span>

A cm service where the cm was not honest and frank with me about his / her plans for the very near future is not a valuable service daisymaisy in my opinion. Quite the opposite in fact.

Yes daisyetc but the assumption is that it will be for way longer. If a family only wanted a CM for less than 6 months a CM would probably want to know? So they could plan?

OPs had some of her mindees for 6 years (probably because she's great at it), I imagine short-term contracts are pretty rare and usually agreed in advance?

If the OP lets the parents make an informed decision it should all be just fine. They'll probably be happy with her proposals (though in fact it wouldn't work for my family)

If she lies by omission (the lo not even starting until July when she'll be 16 weeks or something), there is a much higher risk of losing the work.

You don't have to tell the prospective client, but from your point of view, better to have an open relationship from the start. Otherwise you stand the risk of losing the mindees anyway when they find out, either because they are unhappy with the circumstances or that they feel unhappy that you weren't open and worry about that as the basis for an ongoing professional relationship. You're gambling on the idea that theyll be so happy with you as a child minder that they won't mind, which could very well be true.

Absolutely. It's a two way street. Parent is honest with child minder about what they want and for how long. Also discusses any big changes coming up soon, if any. Child minder is honest with parent about what they can provide and whether anything may impact on that in the near future to the best of their knowledge. Parent then sends child to cm happy in the knowledge that everyone has been honest. Further down the road something happens that impacts on child care (either from parent or cm side.) They talk about it, work out a solution and live happily ever after. Ahhh, the power of talking and working things out. Works a treat. It's not rocket science after all is it

OP - I said I'd remove my child because I couldn't be certain it would be only a couple of weeks - and no, I wouldn't leave my DC with someone who was prepared to take on a couple of week old baby full time CMing, although that would be a different issue as you as the CM wouldn't be recovering from the birth. You assume it'll all be straight forward birth and you'll bounce back and be fit to work in 2 weeks, you might not. what if you have a c-section?

And this is not like employer/employee situation, these people aren't your employer, they are your customers. I chose not to use the services of a variety of places that wouldn't be acceptable reasons for sacking an employee.

Tell them at 12/13 weeks and if their DC hasn't started yet, offer to wave any fee they might have to pay for cancelling so late, if they then stay with you they will see that you've done the best you could to be accomodating.

"Tell them at 12/13 weeks and if their DC hasn't started yet, offer to wave any fee they might have to pay for cancelling so late, if they then stay with you they will see that you've done the best you could to be accomodating."

Yes, that sounds fine. And have a few other CMs you can recommend to them. It's just one of those things and a client who gets sniffy about someone not divulging such personal/medical details is probably not one you'd want anyway.

Can I turn this around? Some people have said that the clients would be expected to tell the CM how long services were required, eg if it was going to be a short term contract. But what of the parents who tell the CM it is a permanent arrangement so that the CM agrees to take children on, then try and succeed in getting pregnant, then mum decides to stay at home with new baby and have child back from CM as well?

AFAIC, a pregnancy is not a certainty of having a child, and I would not be telling anyone until I had had a scan at 12 weeks. If you had (god forbid) a mc, you would be worse off financially because of not accepting these clients. This is why there os a notice period, and the child is not even due to start with you until after the scan anyway. Be open and honest at 12 weeks, explain that you were worried the pregnancy may not continue and that you wanted to be sure everything was OK before you told anyone. Then give them the option to get out of the contract if they wish, but look after their child as arranged until they find another CM.

I hope all goes well for you.

I think leaving it till 12 weeks before telling them is fine.

But I do think you probably need more of a back-up plan for what you do if there are problems. Just two weeks off is very little and could be derailed by almost anythng. For example - what do you do if at 6 months your midwife says that your cervix is showing worrying signs of opening and you must stop working ? Happened to a couple of people I know, not childminders. What do you do if the child has bad reflux and you're not getting any sleep at all ? (That's the big difference between a CM looking after a newborn during the day and a CM having their own newborn that they also look after at night.) What do you if it's a C-section or a traumatic vaginal birth and you're off for a couple of months ?

It's good to be optimistic but I think to be fair to your clients you might want to think about potential problems - I don't think you can assume that because you had good sleepers and 2 weeks off last time it's going to be like that again. My cousin had two text book simple pregnancies and in her third was signed off at 6 months due to serious health problems.

Just out of interest, what are the legals on leaving a childminder when they're pg? Would it count as discrimination? Or do you basically have the right to terminate contract, with appropriate notice, at any point?

Molehill - you do just have the right to terminate the contract with the notice period stated in it, you don't have to give a reason why.

Noquontrol

Thank u very much and am so glad that so many child minders
are showing how professional and honest they are on this thread as we can get a kicking.

Op you do know it's not on to take on new children without telling the parents you are pregnant. All those who point out its not normal to tell before the 12 week scan are right, for EXISTING children but op shouldn't be taking on new children unless she is prepared to be upfrontt

Of course childminding is a business but it's not dealing with pipes or bricks but little children and generally anxious parents looking for good quality,reliable, predictable child care.

I am currently working my notice as my dd was injured in a coach accident in feb and needs me to now put her first, I told my parents back in feb as wanted to give them lots of time to arrange new child care and settle sessions and am shutting in 3 weeks. I will of course loose all of my income but am not prepared to compromise the mindees care in favour of my dds.

Op please be honest with these parents or just stall them until you feel able to tell them as they would much prefer this I think.

If that's the case then op, purely from your point of view I think not telling risks leaving a more vulnerable situation than telling. I have to be honest and say I would be cautious about a childminder who was looking after a newborn of their own too. Unless of course I had an existing relationship of some standing and then it would be part of a trusted package. Not being told until my children were taken on would not help allay my caution. Being upfront might help me to see that everyone's needs were being thought of. Could you avoid taking on new children til your twelve week scan or the point at which you planned to tell your existing mindees parents. Oh I don't know-it's really tricky.

You well within your rights not telling until 12 wks.

If there is something about their circumstances that would make finding suitable alternative childcare very awkward it might be kind to give them the heads up now.

i.e. more than one child (harder to find a CM IME with space for both), yours and their location....very long nursery waiting lists...only you can judge your local area and what they might be up against...

You can't gaurantee that it will work out if they do go with you. They may give notice.

You can't gaurantee you'll want to go back that soon either. SOmething might come up.

There are lots of variables when it comes to working and childcare...I would meet them and see how it goes.

OP I am sorry you got flamed

BUT, karma can be a bitch. I think you would be better off telling them

I can see its hard as for a non CM role answers would be very different!

But for them to get their small kid settled, then have to move them again, its really hard

sorry

Don't think op was flamed! Heard lots worse on mumsnet but if u ask aibu then it's quite legitimate for others to say yes you are or no you arnt.

Thebody, I hope your dd is ok. It's really sad that you are going to have to give up CMing, you sound like a lovely CMer, and I'm sure you will be missed by your families

Thank u outraged how nice of you.

Dd is ok but suffering back and neck problems with some psychological problems, anxieties as well but she will be fine I hope in the end. We consider ourselves lucky as at least 3 of the girls have very serious injuries and one has life changing problems.

But with lots of love and help from so many people we are supporting each other. Xx

Crikey thebody I do hope your daughter is ok. So sorry to hear that. Agree with outraged, you sound like a lovely cm and I'm sure the parents will be sorry to lose you.

I don't think you need to tell anyone until you are 12-14weeks and I wouldn't expect to be told, also even if you weren't pg now (for eg) you could get pg 8weeks, 12weeks, 16weeks down the line, it's just a risk anyone takes. People have lives :)

Thank u do much nocontrol I won't be cming and will miss it so much but I will be still mumsnet ting to keep me sane xx

From where I'm sitting, the only vitriol on this thread has come from the OP herself . I haven't seen any flaming at all, just an OP who is pissed off that everyone hasn't validated her decision.

"I'm really surprised by the person who turned down a job because she intended to try for a baby in a year or more's time. It took me 6 years to concieve, completely unexpected as I was only 20 when we started. Pregnancy isn't that plannable in my experience."

That was me - I conceived DD in 6 weeks, and whilst there are obviously zero guarantees in this life and it may not happen again (either as quickly or at all), I based my assumption that I would be able to have another DC on my own personal previous experience.

Sorry to hear about your DD's accident thebody . Will she make a full recovery in time? I hope so.

I don't think I would have the right to know before 12 weeks. If during your paper signing you stated what your back up plan was for any emergencies and I agreed with it that would be sufficient for me (I assume that even if she were at her maximum number Ofsted would give her a temporay increase in numbers due to the circumstances - but it's something you should check).

I don't believe a child would suffer irreparable psychological damage if for any reason they had to find a different CM, most children are flexible, as long as the person caring for them is a warm and loving person, they will deal with change.

I would be a bit at your unshakeable belief that everything will go incredibly smoothly - but that's because I had crap pregnancies and difficult first few months with newborns.

Having a CM with children you always run the risk of having to find alternative childcare because their DC are ill and they are unable to provide childcare for a few days. The exchange is the continuity of the other children present - I still catch up with my old CM as my 2 DSs and her 2 DC adore each other.