to not tell them I'm pregnant.

[moogster1a]

I'm a childminder and am 8 weeks pg. I've got a family coming at the weekend to hopefully sign up for full time care ( 5 days a week) for their lo starting July.
Would it be very wrong of me not to mention the pg. until the lo has settled in with me. I just really don't want to put them off.
If my last pg's are anything to go by, I won't be showing till about September.
Also, I've only ever taken 4 weeks off maternity and last time just 2 weeks. I'm due at Christmas so this would tie in nicely with Christmas hols.
If I needed to take more time off, I have back up CM's who would cover.
Would you prefer to be told now, and would it put you off? ( my other parents have been very happy when my other dc arrived and it really didn't impact on their lo's care ).
Writing it down it seems a bit dishonest, doesn't it. Maybe I'd mention it come JUly when she starts...

But am irritated now

no-one's being vitriolic

no-one is "denying" you work!

you are a self-employed businessperson - you have to take responsibility for managing your work and relationships with your clients. I've been self-employed and I couldn't take on a piece of work if I knew (with a pretty high degree of certainty) that I'd not be available to do that work for some of the time. It would be unprofessional, damage my reputation and the client wouldn't work with me again.

I haven't read the whole thread but I would say the main issue here is that it's important to build a relationship of trust with someone who has chosen you to care for their child. If you're not honest about the pregnancy then that will be compromised imo. It's a potential recipe for disaster.

I can understand your pov but in the circumstances you really need to be seen by all your clients to be acting ethically and transparently at all times.

So even 6 months notice of a change for a couple of weeks is too little for some of you? wonder if you feel the same the other way round when YOU have to give notice? The bare contracted minimum I'd hazard a guess at!

Moogster, congratulations on your pregnancy :) I also would not tell till at the very minimum of 12 weeks. Anything can happen up til then sadly (and beyond of course but mostly then)

Honestly cannot believe some of the responses here! Maybe shouldn't be surprised. After all CMs are only the "employed help" aren't they?

You do not need to tell them when you are only 8 weeks!

When I was 8 weeks only my Dh and sister knew. So although it may have implications later on with this contract, I don't think you need tell them yet, but when you are 12 weeks I would then, this gives them plenty of time to think about their future needs.

I wonder if a CM hadn't found out that she was pregnant til 10-12 weeks wether she would be accused of hiding it and lying

' After all CMs are only the "employed help" aren't they?'

They are paid a wage for a job? They are employed to help?
Yes.

I agree there is no need to tell them until 12 weeks though.

I am a cm and run my own business, no one employs me thank you very much

I wouldn't take on a child in good faith if I knew that further down the line I couldn't provide care.

You decided to get pregnant so u can't gripe.

If I wanted the benefits of maternity leave. Paid holidays etc I wouldn't be self employed.

Cake and eat it here i think??

and to be honest as a parent I would be livid with u and as a cm I think u would be most unprofessional and damaging your business.

Just to add for me childminding is built on trust and openness, I do understand your view that you want your privacy till 12 weeks but I think u know that's fine for existing parents but not for new ones.

You are over reacting OP. no one is saying that they would deny you work just for the sake of it because you are pregnant FFS

I was saying that I would want the information that you have that will affect my child in order to make a descison about whether we want to use your services.

And now you are calling people selfish because they want all the facts available before their child settles with you. I think it's you that is being spectacularly selfish. You have seen from this thread that some people will feel that they wouldn't want their child to start with you in these circumstances, yet you are saying that your right to work is more important that a parents right to have all facts available to them when deciding on who to leave their child with. That seems pretty selfish to me. You have your own interests at heart, not those of the family you work for or the child you care for.

For all you know, this family will be absolutely fine with your pregnancy. But they might not be and that is their descison to make because their child has not started with you yet.

Can't you see the difference in the situation you are in, where a child isn't yet with you, and a situation where you became pregnant after a child had settled with you?

FWIW, I wouldn't not be at all stroppy in a situation where you broke your leg or became ill, because that is something you wouldn't have foreseen. You wouldn't have had the option of telling me about that in advance like you do with your pregnancy, so I wouldn't be left feeling that you had been dishonest and withheld information. It's completely different. I also wouldn't have a problem with you attending routine dentist or drs appointments if you handled those things well. They can be a brilliant learning opportunity for children, and if you made the most of that I'd be more than happy for you to get on with it.

Two weeks worth of maternity leave is unusual for a reason. That's reason being that a mother needs time to bond with her new baby. And no, I don't believe the quality of care you can provide for another child when you have a newborn is the same as when you don't. There is a big difference between looking after your own baby and toddler and your own baby and someone else's toddler. I can't believe you refuse to see that. When I first had my 2nd baby, the best quality time I had with my older ds was when their Dad came home and I could give him a proper amount of attention. I could look after them perfectly well together and keep them safe, but I couldn't play as much as I could while I was still pregnant, simply because newborns need a lot of attention.

Well Outraged, maybe that's why I'm a professional childcarer and you're not. I can bond perfectly well with a new baby whilst looking after others and giving them plenty of love and attention.
The reason I take 2 weeks is because the mindees are genuinely like part of the fasmily. I missss them and my children miss them and the mindees miss coming here. So, it's easier all round if they come back asap.

If you read my posts you will see that I am a childcare professional actually. That is probably why I'm so astounded that you don't see the value in being honest with people who are trusting you with the most precious thing in their lives.

I think it's very telling that only one of your posts has mentioned the little girl in question, and even then just with a dismissive 'she will be fine'.

As I said before that's not your call to make.

Moogster, if it ends up a c.section will you still take just two weeks off?

The reason you are not telling them is purely selfish - because you dont want it to put them off. So you know there is reason to be put off.

You will without doubt be jepordising the trust between you and the parents.

That's not quite fair WhiteTrash. Many people don't want to tell before 12 weeks as it is the highest risk time and people are sensitive about that.
It's just a shame that in this situation the timing is all very unfortunate.

For my money, I would either not tell anyone until 12 weeks and not take any new children until that time OR be upfront and explain the situation so that everyone understands and make informed decisions.

"Would it be very wrong of me to not tell them about the pg. I really dont want to put them off."

Nope, totally selfish reasons.

Exactly Bubbaluv. The best thing to do for everyone concerned, not just the OP, would be to wait until she was happy to tell prospective parents about her pregnancy before taking on new children.

That would be fair to everyone. OP wouldn't feel pressured to tell before she was ready, and prospective parents would be able to make an informed descison about what is best for their own child.

The way OP is planning on doing this is pure selfishness.

I agree with everything you just said there outraged.

You can only lose by not telling the family. And you clearly understand that many people wouldn't want to use you as a cm in the circs because otherwise you wouldn't be bothered concealing it.

If the family doesn't want a pregnant cm, then you tell them and they walk away. If you don't tell them, they will be angry, probably take their child out anyway and possibly badmouth you.

If you are lucky and they are fine with the pregnancy, then they may still give you their business if you tell them. If you dont tell them, then they may decide you are dishonest when they find out. They might take their child away or if they keep dc with you, I suspect they won't feel that they have to be very upfront or considerate with you in future, since that is how you have started the relationship.

Why should childcare be any different to any other job where someone is running their own business individually, and has clients making appointments? Feeling obliged to tell your customers you're 8 weeks pregnant either applies to all jobs or none.

BBQ life just isnt that black and white.

I would think it affects your ability to be a cm more than other jobs. You might not be able to lift the children, or be as active as necessary. Afterwards, when the baby is four weeks she is likely to be exhausted. What if the pregnancy or birth are difficult? Just because her last ones were easy, this one might not be.

It's different because it involves the emotional well being of small children and a level of trust in one sole individual that cannot be replaced in the same way most jobs can be. And these people aren't actually her customers yet. Most customers get to decide whether they want to be customers based on all the facts. This childminder is deliberately choosing to stop her customers from having that right.

Also, most jobs don't expect you be able to work at the same level as you usually do two weeks after giving birth.

That's fine when it's about children that have already settled with a CM though schools nightmare. It's completely different with a child that hasn't settled yet. Maybe you could see if your friend would think it was any different with a child that hadn't yet started.