to not tell them I'm pregnant.

[moogster1a]

I'm a childminder and am 8 weeks pg. I've got a family coming at the weekend to hopefully sign up for full time care ( 5 days a week) for their lo starting July.
Would it be very wrong of me not to mention the pg. until the lo has settled in with me. I just really don't want to put them off.
If my last pg's are anything to go by, I won't be showing till about September.
Also, I've only ever taken 4 weeks off maternity and last time just 2 weeks. I'm due at Christmas so this would tie in nicely with Christmas hols.
If I needed to take more time off, I have back up CM's who would cover.
Would you prefer to be told now, and would it put you off? ( my other parents have been very happy when my other dc arrived and it really didn't impact on their lo's care ).
Writing it down it seems a bit dishonest, doesn't it. Maybe I'd mention it come JUly when she starts...

I didn't tell anyone 'til past 12 week scan. I'm self employed. I also CM a couple of days (must remember to tell Ofsted I'm on maternity now!). I didn't tell my mindee parents 'til about 20 weeks as I didn't tell anyone else 'til then. They were perfectly happy to continue care with me until I went on maternity and then get a new CM.
I would totally understand if you kept it to yourself 'til then.

thanks for the opinions ( except the ones which seem to be just unpleasant ). have decided I will take child on and mention to parents after 12 weeks. Gives them plenty of time to digest the news.
As for the person who said it's not up to me to arrange childcare when I'm off, I find most parents appreciate that ( in fact, all) especially as the care would be with their current childmin der. ( the reason they're leaving her is 'cos they're going to be car less for a while and will struggle to get to the CM's, but she would collect if it was short term back up. ).
Also, for those wh worry how I would look after a newborn plus other children, how did you manage when you had a second child?

I think its fine not to tell them, you are only 8 weeks and havent even told your friends so why should you tell them. Tell them after 12 weeks, that should be absolutely fine.
I don't really see the big deal myself. Many people care for other children while pregnant or with a newborn, when they have the 2nd, 3rd etc child and childminders already look after multiple children so does it really make a difference if you are looking after your own baby or another baby mindee as long as you dont go over the numbers in total.
I have never used child minders so no real experience here but cant see myself being overly upset about this

I think it is completely up to you. They have no right to know your personal or medical details. Because pregnancy is visible people think they should be told, but if you had some medical condition that meant you needed an operation and would be out of work for a couple of weeks then no-one would especial you to talk about it.

I wouldn't even tell them till about Sep. if you have care in place then get that confirmed and tell them you will be taking a few weeks off at Christmas, these are the arrangements.

I know you're self employed do the law is different, but there are some very strong rules about sacking someone because they are pregnant. It is discrimination

It was me who said about not appreciating it. I wouldn't appreciate it but everyone is different. I guess in your case that the parents aren't leaving because they dislike the previous cm, so again that is different circumstances that I wasn't aware of. So that's fair enough, maybe. I would still want to know personally and I would probably would make other arrangements for my child when you finally told me. (particularly as you hadnt told me before, as it would destroy my trust in you. ) But hey ho, it might work out fine, or it might not. Time will tell.

Re looking after the second child, well obviously it's manageable, but I would want to have a good think about someone looking after my child when they are likely to be sleep deprived and focused on their new born. If im paying for someone to look after my child i want said child to have lots of attention. Just thinking back to when I had ds and how it impacted on dd. Sorry if that sounds horrible, but I expect my child to get more attention than just slot in for convenience. Again, not trying to be horrible, just a personal opinion.

You should consider giving them the option to opt out if they decide then that they would rather choose someone else. I am self employed and had clients already booked from before I was pregnant, so I was prepared to agree to cancelling contracts if that was what they rathered. This is my second pregnancy, and I am struggling a lot worse than I was with first. I am also employed and have had to take quite a lot of sick days off despite with first PG, I hadn't even gone onto maternity leave yet when I had DD. So you should also prepare yourself that this pregnancy may not be anything like your first.

IMO newborns are the easiest to care for. OK, they're up 3,4 times a night, but a quick boob feed whilst I'm still half asleep and they're off to sleep again. They also sleep a lot during the day. From past experience, my newborns have fitted in with the existing children, both mine and the mindees. They come to playgroup, are propped up at the table while we do crafts etc. Best way to try and train them from very young that others need looking after too. And even very small toddlers seem to adore tiny babies. It's the most exciting doll in the world for the.
Sorry you felt you neglected your elder DD but that's ceratinly not how it is in this house!

Oh well, good luck with it then. I hope it works out for you

Frankly I think this is - from the parents' POV - an occupational hazard of employing a CM.

To the posters who were saying how hard it would be for them if their CM cancelled on them, got ill etc - well, it would be very tough for me too, in my job - which is why I will use a nursery. If a member of staff gets ill the place won't shut.

If they are making the choice to leave their LO with one person, they need to accept you might break a leg/ get pg/ win the lottery/ go through a nasty divorce. They are probably paying lower than nursery fees and getting a nice homey atmosphere for their DD, but this is the downside.

I think they need to suck it up and you should wait till 12 wks.

I wouldn't mind if you told me when you were ready to be honest, you sound like you have a good back up plan.

I'm sorry to be a little depressing, but having had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks, I really did not tell a soul I was pregnant until I was 12 weeks.
I don't think anyone can be expected to know about your pregnancy before 12 weeks, mainly because there is a real chance it might not work out.

I didn't tell my employers, my children's childcare or anyone beyond my mum, in fact, until I had the all clear of the 12 week scan, even though my second pregnancy has repercussions for other people's jobs, both my employers and people I employ. I didn't want to pass over consequential news that might not happen.

(That's a very small... but still real ... chance, and of course I really really hope it does all work out for you and any other pregnant women reading).

just as a matter of interest, for the people who are saying they'd be fuming if I didn't tell the parents straight away; as a parent, would any of you inform a CM that you were 8 weeks pregnant? It will impact on your lo when you stop using the CM when you're on maternity leave? Or would you give the 1 month notice as late as possible?

I am shocked by many of the answers you've received. There is no need to tell the parents at this stage. You are only planning on taking a short maternity leave and have a backup CM so you are causing very little disruption to your families anyway (not that this really matters but shows how considerate you are). The fact that many would not employ a pregnant CM makes me very upset. Taking a toddler along to the midwife's office is a total non issue. As is looking after mindees and your newborn. This is what all childminders and mum's of more than one do. I think telling them at 12 weeks is above and beyond the call of duty and I hope the parents appreciate your frankness.

Thanks ghoul. I've been a bit taken aback. I like to think I treat all the little ones as part of the family, and I bend over backwards to help out the parents. Getting me a little cheesed off that women would be so callous regarding the work situation of a pregnant woman. How many would like to be effectively forced into not taking on any work between now and January when they will only be taking 4 weeks off right at the end?

Absolutely. It would be ridiculous if your pregnancy meant you couldn't take on any more work at all this year. I imagine most of the people commenting negatively on the thread are happy to be secure in a job that they cannot legally lose because of pregnancy. That it is mostly women making these comments makes me even more disgusted as you'd think they'd have more empathy.

If its any support, OP, I will be sending my PFB to a CM come September, and if CM said she would be having a baby herself and be off for two weeks and had found a suitable alternative CM for those two weeks (meaning I am not obliged to use annual leave, but could if I wanted) would be absoloutley fine with me.

You pick a CM to replicate a home environment. A home environment sometimes has newborns. And, most importantly, when you've found the right CM, you've found the right CM. Regardless.

No I wasn't ghoul. I was pg with ds and looking for work at the same time. No job security for me I'm afraid.

Revoltingpeasant has a point re childminders versus nurseries though, and I guess if you choose a cm over a nursery then then I guess the issues that could arise from that would have been considered anyway by parents anyway.

As a parent, yes I would tell CM asap if I was pregnant if it would affect how many places she was able to offer: I reduced DD's hours when I left my job and I gave her 6 weeks' notice despite the contract providing for zero notice to change hours.

I am unlikely to encounter this issue with my CM though as she's well into her 50s . But she is brilliant and DD is very happy there, so if it was relevant to her and she were to be pregnant I would be fine with that and also no problems with her having a newborn whilst caring for DD etc. What I would object to is DD starting with a new CM and then having the additional unsettling issues of temporary replacement care, then newborn etc. IMO it is different when dealing with a new child and new set of parents rather than existing clients IYSWIM. The trust hasn't been cemented yet. I would think that you were a bit sly if you concealed this as a potential new CM - hope that makes sense.

Mogster1a: Yes I would tell a childminder I was pregnant as soon as I knew. I would consider this different to telling friends/family as it is a professional relationship & I would trust them to keep the information confidential.

I would be really angry and annoyed. I see childminding as being different to other employees as they will look after my children. If you can't be upfront, I would wonder what else you would keep from me. I would also probably remove my children from your care tbh.

Thinking about it I informed work of my pregnancy verbally at 6 weeks, in writing at 12 weeks & confirmed my return to work date in writing when I handed my Mat B1 in. I work for the NHS though & do appreciate it is totally different!

What do you think you'll do Mogster?

I don't think that's necessarily true schoolsnightmare. I would want that information to enable me have a long think and make a decision about what I wanted to do based on fact. If I liked the childminder and their setting enough, then I would try and work with them. But if I felt I had been misled then I would think it was all about the money and not enough about my child. Which would make me unhappy as I would wonder what else might be hidden. Isn't it better to approach things with an honest outlook from the start? People do appreciate that. And presumably the family are only coming to view and they will be seeing other people too. If they preferred the op as they liked how she ran things then I would have thought it was more likely they would go with her anyway regardless. I wouldn't settle for a childminder I didn't like as much because of a pregnancy. On the other hand if someone chooses to go elsewhere it's because they preferred another setting more, regardless of pregnancy.

Sorry no paragraphs. Haven't got to grips with iPhone properly yet.

Congratulations!!!!!!
This is your news - and your business...!
I do not think that you should 'have' to tell anyone until your 13 week scan. Then, speak to the parents.
Why should you 'have' to disclose this to them, or anyone, before the 13 week scan??? I don't feel you 'have' to do anything.
And, I do not feel you would be dishonest.
Now, if the parents ask you about any plans to be pregnant.. then, I would feel it is best for you to be honest. But, that's not what's being discussed here.
Your news to share, when you have had your scan.
Congratulations.... yay!!! (thanks for sharing with us!) x Exciting times ahead!