to not tell them I'm pregnant.

[moogster1a]

I'm a childminder and am 8 weeks pg. I've got a family coming at the weekend to hopefully sign up for full time care ( 5 days a week) for their lo starting July.
Would it be very wrong of me not to mention the pg. until the lo has settled in with me. I just really don't want to put them off.
If my last pg's are anything to go by, I won't be showing till about September.
Also, I've only ever taken 4 weeks off maternity and last time just 2 weeks. I'm due at Christmas so this would tie in nicely with Christmas hols.
If I needed to take more time off, I have back up CM's who would cover.
Would you prefer to be told now, and would it put you off? ( my other parents have been very happy when my other dc arrived and it really didn't impact on their lo's care ).
Writing it down it seems a bit dishonest, doesn't it. Maybe I'd mention it come JUly when she starts...

Look at it this way. If all goes to plan it's no big deal that you didn't tell sooner than 12/13 weeks but if it all goes tits up and you are off longer/required to attend a greater number of scans/appts etc your employers are going to be muttering "She could have bloody well told us!" and it's going to have a negative impact on your long-term relationship with them because you didn't. Is it worth it?

I'm appalled at some of the responses on here. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Most of you are probably paying your childminders a pittance too.

In what way should we be ashamed? I assume everyone who pays their childminders pay them at the rate which the CM sets.

In the way that you all seem so ready to not extend the same courtesies to a mother to be that you all enjoyed when pregnant (ie the right for it to be nobodies business but your own until a reasonable time before the due date). Absolutely shocking.

I would tell them and also the history regarding your last pregnancy. If they are reasonable and like you they are likely to go along with it. If I was in their position to find out later would feel underhand to me and would affect my relationship with you. If there were any other little niggles with the care you were providing it may persuade me to look elsewhere and I would also mention it if I had to give a reference.

Sorry for sounding a cow. I am an honest person and would expect equal openness with someone in such a trusted position.

Angeltulips has a very good point though and I didn't read before posting!! Yes that would be a very fair argument.

I really don't see how not divulging personal medical information can mean a person can be dishonest and untrustworthy. It really is nobody elses business until the OP is ready to say. I am gobsmacked at the level of vitriol extended to the OP. It makes me feel that years of feminism have gone down the toilet when the hard won rights for equal opportunities of women suit those women who employ childminders but not the childminders themselves. How can that be right?

OP it's entirely up to you when you tell your clients, it is your business in every sense of the word. Its not dishonest to want to keep tour pregnancy to yourself eapecially at such an early stage. And even of you waited until the 20 week scan and the parents wanted to find a new CM thy have 20 weeks. That's almost 5 months!

If you were my CM and told me you were pregnant with enough time to find a new CM I would be delighted for you, not 'absolutely furious' or any of the other odd responses on this thread.

Congratulations!

If the child were already settled with you then I'd say you are under no obligation to tell until you were ready or you had to by law/contract.

But this is different, a parent is making a descison to leave a child with you without having all the facts. This is a childminder deliberately withholding information that may have an impact on a parents descison to leave their child in her care. Can people really not see how that's different to finding cover for an office or shop job?

If this little girl has already been with a CM and OP knows her, it may not be too bad, but that's not the CMs descison to make. The child could be unsettled bymovingfrom one CM to another and then back again for a couple of weeks and then back again. I certainly wouldn't want that for my child. The parents have a moral right to know that this is what their CM has planned for their child before they let their child form a bond.

Yes, it's hard for the CM in this situation, but that's just the nature of the job. It has it's good points and it's bad points, this is one of the bad points and it's down to the CM to swallow that, not the child and her parents who are not being given a choice.

I think you know that really moogster, otherwise you wouldn't have posted asking if YWBU in the first place.

At 8 weeks you may not be ready to tell anyone, least of all people you don't know. You sound professional, with systems in place, so there's no reason not to sign them up. Pregnancy is a fact of life, they will deal with it.

Outraged as a lawyer I would not tell a new client that I was 8 weeks pregnant, even though it might mean someone else representing them/ looking after their file.

At 8 weeks preg the pregnancy is really only the OP's business.

A law case isn't exactly the same as a child though is it? I'm sure it's very important in some circumstances, but I shouldn't imagine adults bond with their lawyers in the same way small children bond with their carers.

If this business didn't involve the emotional well-being of a child, then I'd be saying that you need never tell anyone about your pregnancy, it's your concern.
But I can't be comfortable with the idea of taking someone's money, building up a relationship with the child and then your pregnancy going the way my second one did. If the parents know, they can make an informed choice.
I abandoned a vulnerable Y6 class for the last three months of their time in primary, missed doing all the complex transition visits and vital liaising and they did their SATS without me as well. I was sure that the second time around would be the same as the first and I was wrong.

But if it is just a business to you, then why are you asking the question?
Take their money and keep your secret.

Outraged, most women say at some point, the OP is just not ready to say yet. That really is up to her and she in no way has a moral obilgation to say. Many children are assigned key workers at nurseries and they leave, change shifts all the time.

Completely agree fallen and outraged
Both really good posts.

Absolutely no-one's business until much later, and certainly not until the 12 week scan at the earliest. Can't believe some of the responses on here. Do people think that all women should be forced to tell employers of their pregnancies at such an early stage? I don't see why childminders should be treated any differently from any other professional working person.

I'm don't understand fallen's point at all. She is criticizing the OP on the back of her own regrets? Is that how we are meant to read it?

I think it's perfectly acceptable to keep this information private until 12 weeks.

I'm pointing out that although the OP is saying that she only took two weeks off last time, that is not a guarantee for the next time, which she seems to think will be the case.

She can choose not to tell them, it's entirely up to her. Why is she asking AIBU?

Because a small part of her suspects it might be unreasonable I guess. No need to ask otherwise.

Fallcarywotsit - bet you wouldn't have told if you knew the result was to be sacked on the spot though.

All these people going on about it being "the care of a child". Wtf? It's her JOB. She presumably does it to EARN MONEY, not for the joy of communing with your snotty nose brats (delightful as I'm sure they are).

And the hypocrisy - is this really the same website that I read hundreds of posts supporting teachers on strike because "it's important to stand up for our rights"? The same site that I constantly see people complaining about how it's so hard to find work that fits in the school run and aren't those mean employers horrible. Guess women's rights are only important when they benefit you personally. It's no better than the arsehole from the cbi droning on about the "burden of maternity leave on small business".

This has really wound me up - it's the first time I realised why mainstream media mock mumsnet like they do

I told my employers as soon as I knew I was pregnant as I believe that was the right thing to do. If I am upfront about things that may or may not cause any disruption or may or may not be problematic Id rather they knew straight away.

I feel telling an employer is different than telling friends or family. In this case the family is an employer so I couldnt hide it as I believe in honesty.

I would still take my child to a new childminder if they told me they were in the early stages of pregnancy (assuming I was happy with them anyway), however I would look to remove them if this information was deliberately kept from me as I would feel decieved.

Although why the OP has bothered to even start this thread as she was never going to tell them anyway I don't know

Great problem to have OP!

I read quite a few of the posts. If it were me I would be upfront and tell the parents. If you have backup care already organized I would offer to introduce the parents to the backup care before they sign up. As a parent I didn't like it when our daycare switched employees in DD's room without informing us. I don't like it when I don't know who is looking after my DD.