to not tell them I'm pregnant.

[moogster1a]

I'm a childminder and am 8 weeks pg. I've got a family coming at the weekend to hopefully sign up for full time care ( 5 days a week) for their lo starting July.
Would it be very wrong of me not to mention the pg. until the lo has settled in with me. I just really don't want to put them off.
If my last pg's are anything to go by, I won't be showing till about September.
Also, I've only ever taken 4 weeks off maternity and last time just 2 weeks. I'm due at Christmas so this would tie in nicely with Christmas hols.
If I needed to take more time off, I have back up CM's who would cover.
Would you prefer to be told now, and would it put you off? ( my other parents have been very happy when my other dc arrived and it really didn't impact on their lo's care ).
Writing it down it seems a bit dishonest, doesn't it. Maybe I'd mention it come JUly when she starts...

But how would you give their LO proper attention when you've just had a baby and are sleep deprived?

I'd be very angry if you did this to me, very angry indeed. I'd terminate the contract immediately as it would feel like you'd been dishonest and I wouldn't want my children cared for by someone dishonest. And to be fair even if you told me upfront I would probably still go somewhere else because I struggle to see how you could possibly provide proper focused, stimulating care for all your charges with a newborn baby of your own to tend to.

I think you have to accept you're likely to lose this family no matter what you do.

Thing is, you can't predict what is going to happen with this pregnancy. I swanned through my first, and labour and had a very easy newborn.
With my second, every month brought a new challenge that often impacted on my ability to work, I was in hospital for a fortnight before the birth for example.
You need to be upfront about it, because if things don't run according to plan the other family will have to cope very quickly and without warning.

You want this child to be signed up to you for full-time care for the money, yes?
Back up childminders, being hauled along to maternity appointments and disrupted childcare might put unacceptable pressures on the child and the parents.
Sometimes it really shouldn't be about the cash.

I'd care for my newborn and the other lo's in my care the same as I did with my other 2 Dc, and the other very young babies I've looked after in the past as well as slightly older children, which is very well. It's what I do!!

Moogster1a, having had an MC myself I can fully understand your reasons for not wanting to tell anyone that you're PG at this early stage.

I don't think you should say, especially when you haven't even told family members at this stage. What I think you should do is ensure that your childcare back-ups are rock-solid and concrete and then when you get past 12 weeks explain to all your parents.

You can announce that you're PG (don't have to say how far along) and that you have liaised with other CMs in the area who have agreed to cover for you during your maternity leave and during any other period that you may be unavailable.

My DD has been with her CM since she was 4 months old (she is nearly 3) and I would not have had a problem at all with this approach. Ultimately I want my DC looked after by a responsible CM and sometimes things happen and there has to be a slight shift. If you broke your leg and were unable to work for 6 weeks, they would have to find alternative childcare. But as you are aware of the PG and are ensuring that childcare continues, I don't see it as a problem.

I think it would be reasonable to wait until your 12 week scan if you really feel you have to, but it would be very unfair of you to allow the child to settle with you before you tell them. In your position, I would tell the now.

This isn't like any other job, and I'm surprised you can't see that. You are being employed to look after the most precious thing in the world to these people, and you should be able to understand that it might very hard for them to leave their child with you at first. With that in mind, I think you should also be able to understand that they might not want to have anything that unsettles their child once she is settled if you know what I mean. and I think that would be perfectly reasonable of them.

I think if you don't tell them, it makes you come across as not very caring towards this child and her family, and they may be just as likely to pull their child out of your care if you wait to tell them. Giving them the choice is the morally right thing to do.

i wouldnt tell them til 12 weeks and then say it was a surprise, tell them how youve coped before and any contigncy plans that i would put in place.

I don't think pregnancy is anyone's business but own's own until after 12 weeks, and there seem to be some right cows on this thread who I would hate to have as clients in my dogwalking business.

*one's own.

The back up CM is the lo's current CM so lo would not be at all unsettled. As for being "dragged" round MW appointments, I don't know how many other people have, but I've only ever had a couple, and they can be arranged at home. Only the same as when I take lo's to the GP's for parents and other mindees come with me.

If I was the mindees mother I would be very miffed to learn later that you were pregnant and hadnt told me. It would jepordise my trust. Rightly or wrongly.

However, if you'd said all as you did in the OP, about the time off, christmas and back up childminders, so long as my child and I liked you it genuinely wouldnt put me off.

I'd prefer it if my CM told me, although to be honest I would expect her to until she was at 12 weeks (though I can see that this is difficult in your situation). Partly I'd hope she would tell me because a relationship between CM and parent is a very trusting one. And partly because there are things I can then do to make sure I can accommodate mat leave/appointments etc. Also, arranging childcare that you and your children are happy with is difficult and takes time (there are long waiting lists in my area for most kinds of care). So the more notice, the better. So I don't think you have to tell them, but I think it builds a better relationship if you do.

Finally, knowing my CM was pregnant early (conveniently at the same time as me) meant that we were able to be very careful during an outbreak of slap cheek at my son's preschool. It helped us to manage any risks to the pregnancy much better than if I'd found out later.

The back up CM is the los current CM so lo would not be at all unsettled

That's not really your descison to make though is it?

Presumably there is a reason why they are stopping using this CM, so what makes you think they will be ok with her being your back up?

If you genuinely believe that your back up and mat leave arrangements are reasonable, then you have no reason not to tell these parents (after the scan, if you so wish - I do believe that you are entitled to wait until then before telling them, after all most people don't announce until everything is confirmed as ok). But it's not on to wait for the child to be settled in before telling them. It may also be very unsettling for the child to be placed with you, then you go off and someone else looks after her, then you come back etc.

Why are the parents switching from this other childminder to you?

I'd def want to know I'm afraid.... I'd be pissed off it you had kept it secret. You don't know how you'll feel/cope during this pg. Sorry - and congrats :)

I would want to know tbh. Something like this would have an impact on how you deliver child care and the parents have a right to know this before their child gets settled with you. And its not for you to make arrangements with another childminder without discussing it first with the parents. I think you are being a bit unreasonable tbh and you are putting your reputation at stake. Try to put yourself in their situation and see how you would feel. I do understand why you would want to do it, but I don't think it's the right thing to do. Sorry.

Oh, and congrats as well

I've simply been very honest and upfront about my feelings on the issue. I think it's tremendously hard for pregnant childminders - they're pretty much damned if they do and damned if they don't sadly; they'll likely upset someone somehow no matter which route they choose. In this situation my priority would be my individual child and my concern for my potential childminder would come somewhere down the list after my thoughts about the impact on my child and on me/the rest of my family. It's just the way it is, surely?

I think it would be different if the child/family was already a longstanding client, there'd be more of a relationship, more trust, more knowledge. I think the real crux here is that it's a new family and the timing of it all during the settling period. That's the problem I reckon.

I would not be inclined to think my CM was a good CM if she omitted to tell me things like this. It would put me off, frankly if I found out later that she knew all along but hadn't said anything. I suggest you do tell them, state due date and that you hope to take XX amount of weeks off and would that be OK for them? Can you offer to find alternative CM for them (are you in a CM network?) whilst you're on maternity? Obviously this doesn't tie you to only having XX amount of weeks off and not changing your mind after baby is born as does happen (they will understand, they have children too!!) - as long as you give them as much notice as you can about that too, I really think you'll come across as a better and more organised CM than if you just don't tell them. I chose my CM really based on feel, how much I liked her and thought her attitude to children fitted in with ours and felt I would like her to look after my baby, not on what her holidays, or days off were. If they know early, then can find an alternative CM or nursery for the weeks or months you expect to take off.

I was PG with DC3 while job hunting and I didnt like not telling anyone as I felt I was dishonest.

TBH Id much rather hear the truth and know the plans in place rather then be lied to. Its the lying that would make me find another childminder, not the knowing you were PG.

Thing is, more often than not, when you choose a childminder, you do so fully aware that they care for their own kids a s well as others. As the OP is now onto subsequent children, and knows how she handles the time after birth, it's not unreasonable of her to think (and be pretty certain) that she only needs two weeks off. As these two weeks off are over a time when she would be off anyways, this poses minimal interuption for the new set of parents.

There is always the possibility that OP could have simply not realised she was pg until well after she starts caring for her new charge.

My DMum is a CM and she took a new charge at 3 weeks old as his mother needed to finish her degree. She cared for a 3 week old alongside her usual charges. She didn't feel the need to tell any of the other parents that one of her charges was "only 3 wo".

I would want to know & I wouldn't place my child with you.

It is very, very difficult for me to leave work early to pick up my child if she is ill. It involves serious disruption to others, think cancelled appointments, long waits. I worry every day about this. I hate letting people down. DH works away Monday to Friday, not his choice, we have no close family to help out. So I would be concerned about what were to happen if you develop complications of one kind or another. I know that as a normal childminder you might be ill or a snow day might close nursery but your pregnancy would be an added thing for me to worry about.

I don't doubt your ability to care for your newborn & other charges. But I would irrationally worry that you might not be as focused on my DD as you would if you didn't have the newborn.

God I sound neurotic. These are my issues, not yours. But I hope you can see why I would want to know before placing my child with you.

If my child were with you already I would probably leave her in your care & see how things went on your return. I would pay you for the 2 weeks of maternity leave though. I would consider it the least I could do if I were happy with my daughters care.

Congrats & Good luck!

I am surprised at the points of view expressed on here. It may be inconvenient for the parents involved but it is none of their business. You are a women of childbearing age, and there is always a chance that you will get pregnant and that is just life. Its nobody elses business until you are ready to say. Don't feel bad about it. Tell them when you are ready.

I recently had a very bad experience with my CM who was pregnant. My DD had been with her a year, and was settled and happy. She then started to be unsettled in the autumn, the childminder seemed tired and grumpy all the time. I thought things had got better in January and DD seemed happy. Around this time the CM told us she was about 4 or 5 months pregnant and would only take 3 weeks for her maternity leave at the end of May. Come February my DD was unsettled again, screaming all day at the childminders for no reason we could fathom, & the CM kept ringing me at lunch time to take DD home. We kept asking the CM to meet with us to discuss it and she didn't want to, saying she had tried everything, she didn't see there was anything to discuss. When we did talk to her she said felt my LO was like a mini dictator and she couldn't physically get her to do what she wanted because of the pregnancy.
I couldn't understand why she didn't give us notice to move our DD somewhere else if she wasn't coping, it just felt like she didn't want to lose a mindee in late pregnancy as she wouldn't be able to get another one but this certainly wasn't in DD's interests. We quickly moved DD to a nursery where she's been really happy and no screaming whatsoever even during settling days.
We had been really happy with the CM's care but what broke the trust for us was her lack of communication with us, and her inability to be up front about what was going on, and her reluctance to make decisions which met DD's needs even if they weren't great for the CM.
I would say communication with parents is absolutely key to a good CM relationship so on that basis I would say tell them straight away.