To be very sad I'll be the odd one out again in my family?

[chipsandmushypeas]

Continuing from my thread in chat about children's surnames. Had the talk with DP about it and said I would prefer my dcs to have my name, he said absolutely no way, they're having my name, they always take the fathers name (he has his mothers name ) etc.

I just feel really down now. I did try and stand my ground and said it's up to me and since we aren't married they could have mine and change to his once we marry, he again said no.

I had a different name from all my family as my parents separated and never married, mother married stepfather and my brother was born.

I guess I'll be the odd one out again :(

Thanks for all your advice. I'm feeling more level headed now, discussing things late in the evening is not a good idea for me right now!

On a lighter note, just came home to a massive cat poo :( at least he had the decency to do it next to the toilet but still...

karma and tit you're right, there's no rush for these things :)

I hope you both come to a compromise which you are both happy with OP.

I was married for 20+ yrs. Never changed my name, never used hisname, ever. dcs have my name, at the time he quite liked being a bit edgy and different - they are now quite pleased they don't have hisname.

a number of friends have split with dcs fathers and really really regretted giving them hisname. If he isn't willing to commit to marriage ...

Sounds like you are both as stubborn as each other. You both refuse point blank for your kids to take the other's name.

I hardly think pointing out that he has "no rights" and that you will do as you please if he doesn't agree is a constructive way forward. You are just imposing your views on him.

Hardly anyone has my surname and personally I find the idea of changing a name because of marriage frankly bizarre and paternalistic. However, I'm the only out of my friends who has had any problem with this whatsoever and I accept I'm the one who is out of step. On the other hand, in my own (limited) experience, the children of couples I know who where still together, married or not, to

Hardly anyone has my surname and personally I find the idea of changing a name because of marriage bizarre and paternalistic. However, I'm the only out of my friends who has had any problem with this whatsoever and I accept I'm the one who is out of step. On the other hand, in my own (limited) experience, the children of couples I know who where still together, married or not, took the father's name and I have assumed my DCs would prefer to be like their peers in that respect - I am the one with the strong feeling about my name, not them.

If your DP really is controlling, stubborn etc as suggested in several of these posts then please don't marry him, life is too short. Hope you find a way through this.

Sorry, technophobe

Not true amateruish, the OP has offered compromises, her DP has not.

Nevertooearlyforcake, don't you think it is time though that this antiquated name changing thing was challenged?

I would dig my heels in on this one.

YANBU peas. Unfortunately, unless you are married before your baby is born, someone is going to be disappointed. It will be your DP as many have said, you can register the birth without him but not the other way round.

FWIW, I have my name, OH has his, children are double barrelled. We get married in 3 weeks and although all along I have said I will be keeping my own name, I am now leaning towards changing it and having my surname as a middle name. Then I would change the boys' as well but I would have to do this by deed poll which would cost close to £100 for all of us.

Nevertooearly I feel exactly the same as you, why the hell should I change my name because it is traditional? I have a name, I don't need another. Mine is long and foreign though - OH is short and very very common - my reason for thinking about changing it is purely because it would be nice not to have to spell it all the time

whackamole, I think that if you are marrying the father of your children, then you can get their birth certificates reissued in your new name. I did this when I married my dh - our ds had been registered with my maiden name. I don't think it cost us anything to change his name/birth certificate to our new name.

Mrsterry no the name the Dr uses is what they choose. Nothing to do with exams it is just so many have forged their careers before marrying so keep their maiden name in Dr mode. If you want to change it GMC like other organisations need to see your marriage certificate as proof.

Personally it does amaze me that so few have any problems with changing their name on marriage. But in my experience my friends really have no issue with it whatsoever. I don't really discuss it for that reason tbh, as long as everyone is happy with their choice then fine. If my DH had objected to my decision, I would have been quite shocked and it would have shaken my view of him. As it was, he couldn't give a shit. However, have just asked him how he'd have felt if I'd said I wanted the DCs to have my surname and he's having difficulty formulating a response. The best he can come up with is that it might be more complicated for the kids as there is a presumption that the dad's name will be taken. I understand where he's coming from (we are married but it never occurred to me to give the DCs my name) though I don't think that's a valid reason really!