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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel my jaw drop (age 14 party)

257 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 09/05/2012 10:17

My DS2 (age 13) asked me if he could go to a friends 14th birthday party. I said "yes". His next question was "will you buy me some alcohol to take" so I probed a bit, he said they were being allowed to take what they wanted to drink. I said that I would talk to the parents to clarify what was happening at this party, then discuss it with his father and we would make a decision together but that he shouldn't get his hopes up.

(Just to clarify, when my DS1 was 16 we would allow him to go to adult supervised parties occassionally and take a small amount of weak alcohol with him, which he was allowed to drink. He never abused this trust and in fact I believe has justified our faith in him in that he came in worse for wear the other day for the first time ever, on his 19th birthday)

Anyway, I spoke to the mother and it turns out that the parents of this 14 year old will be supplying every child with 2 cans of cider. The boys are allowed to bring whatever they like to drink. The parents will be going out for 2 hours, during which time (from what I can gather) the boys will only be allowed in the garden (house will be locked). When the parents return the boys will not be allowed to drink any more alcohol. They are then invited to stay over night. (Is it just me or will having a 2 hour to slot their drinking in give encouragement to serious binge drinking?)

Anyway, my question is not even whether these parents are right or wrong, but rather in shock that I cannot find any parent who agrees with me that this is wrong. All my DS2's friends are going and all their parents think this is acceptable. Am I going mad, or would you expect someone somewhere to agree with me?

OP posts:

halcyondays · 09/05/2012 10:20

What if they need the toilet? It all sounds a bit bizarre.

StrandedFuckingBear · 09/05/2012 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovelynewboots · 09/05/2012 10:22

The parents sound like idiots, I wouldn't allow my child to go. YANBU. This is sending the wrong message that they need alcohol to have a good time.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 09/05/2012 10:23

It's not really a controlled environment though is it?

I would much rather adults were present if my teen was drinking.

Lovelynewboots · 09/05/2012 10:23

Sorry to be so predictive bear but they're 13 and 14 year olds.

silverfrog · 09/05/2012 10:24

I wouldn't give my 13 year old 2 cans of cider, plus whatever else gets brought to share around.

entirely unnecessary, imo.

and I can't get my head around the whole go out and lock them out of the house scenario - you either trust them, or you don't. bizarre.

manicbmc · 09/05/2012 10:25

2 hours is a lot of drinking time. And 2 cans of cider (without anything else) is a lot for a 13/14 year old to drink. They'll be unsupervised for 2 hours so what happens if someone over does it and passes out?

I am usually quite liberal. Dd is allowed a moderate amount of alcohol (but isn't bothered). But she's 17.

I'd say no. I bet there are other parents who have felt pressured to say yes though.

MakeMineACafPow · 09/05/2012 10:25

Is it controlled though when they are locked outside without any adult supervision? At 14 I would have been out of my skull on 2 cans of cider, and likely to get up to allsorts or sod off somewhere else

halcyondays · 09/05/2012 10:26

I wouldn't have a problem giving my dds small amounts of alcohol when they're tht age, but I wouldn't give tem to other people's dcs without checking they were happy with it. If all the parents know and re happy with it it's up to them. But I think the parents going out and locking them in the garden is very odd, if that's what's really happening?

CallMeAl · 09/05/2012 10:26

giving children alcohol is illegal, isn't it? If not strictly, I'm sure that there is some law it could come under.

Handing out cans of cider to 13 year olds then going out...are these people total morons? No way would my kid be going there, for the party or anything else.

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/05/2012 10:27

I at least waited till DS was 15.......

DH and I were also in the house. We didn't provide alcohol but knew they had some and turned a blind eye.

landofsoapandglory · 09/05/2012 10:27

The issue I would have is the fact that they are being left unattended. There is always going to be someone who is going to push the boundaries and chuck as much drink down their neck as possible.

DS2 is 15. When he was 14 we allowed him to take 2 or 3 bottles of lager to parties where we knew he was going to be supervised. He has never been drunk. IME the DC who have been drunk are the ones who get older DC to buy it for them and they drink it in the park or something.

StrandedFuckingBear · 09/05/2012 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdelaideRex · 09/05/2012 10:28

mmmmm are they supplying hose pipe and funnels as well ?

This could get messy

AnAirOfHope · 09/05/2012 10:28

Its not a controled environment is it.

manicbmc · 09/05/2012 10:29

It's not just 2 cans of cider though.

my2centsis · 09/05/2012 10:30

I am. Actually quite shocked reading this tbh.

My opinion (some may agree some may not)

I think I would be ok with them having two ciders each. As it's not like they will be drunk after them.

I would even be ok with them being on there own in the garden for a couple of hours with their two drinks.

I don't however think I would be ok with my 13yo getting drunk. So would not buy him alcohol to take with him.

That would put you in a tricky position tho because if you allowed him to have the two ciders supplied but didn't buy him alcohol to take with him it sounds like he would be the only kid to not have take. More drinks with him and may get mocked because of it,

He would probably be quite embarrassed by that too.

I don't envy the position you have been put in!

Sidge · 09/05/2012 10:32

My 13 year old wouldn't be going to that party.

I'm pretty laid back but I see no need for 13 and 14 year olds to be partying with alcohol. 16 year olds maybe, but not 13 or 14.

my2centsis · 09/05/2012 10:34

To the posters talking about them being out of their brains and passed out after their two drinks need to get a grip

sunnydelight · 09/05/2012 10:35

So the parents of the kid having the party are openly supplying children with alcohol. They will be very lucky if someone doesn't get the hump and report them to the police.

GrahamTribe · 09/05/2012 10:37

The answer to "Can i go to this party?" would be a "No" here.

halcyondays · 09/05/2012 10:38

Not sure it's a matter for the police, it's not illegal for 13/14 year olds to drink in a private property and all the parents are apparently happy with it. Tt said, have you actually spoken to all the parents, or is it our DS who is telling you that all the other parents are fine with it?

bijou3 · 09/05/2012 10:38

Isnt underage drinking illegal?

CallMeAl · 09/05/2012 10:38

A 13 year old who has never drunk before could easily feel very drunk after 2 cans (pints) of cider. I'm a complete reprobate who drinks like a fish and I can be pretty damn merry after 3 pints of cider. And who knows whether someone will bring vodka, or alcopops, or fucking special brew, to add to those 2 cans?

A 13 year old is a CHILD. Bully for you if you're happy for a gang of CHILDREN drinking fuck knows what in someones garden, unsupervised and locked out. Not in my universe.

Original poster

Ithinkitsjustme · 09/05/2012 10:38

My 13 year old isn't going! I'm just absolutely gobsmacked that noone else seems to agree with me. I actually think my son might have told me the details so he wouldn't have to go (he seems to hate drinking!!) When we did say no, he just said, "Ok, I'll tell him", as I say it's the lack of supervision during the drinking unlimited alcohol bit, plus the implied time limit on that that really worries me. I know that when i was 18 I used to drink as much as I could get down my neck during happy hour because there was a time limit. Plus the fact that until he told me, no-one was aware that there would be alcohol provided. I think it's all very well allowing them to bring their own, with theirparents consent, but to give alcohol to someone else's 13/ 14 year old without telling the parents is a bit OTT.

OP posts:

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