Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel my jaw drop (age 14 party)

257 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 09/05/2012 10:17

My DS2 (age 13) asked me if he could go to a friends 14th birthday party. I said "yes". His next question was "will you buy me some alcohol to take" so I probed a bit, he said they were being allowed to take what they wanted to drink. I said that I would talk to the parents to clarify what was happening at this party, then discuss it with his father and we would make a decision together but that he shouldn't get his hopes up.

(Just to clarify, when my DS1 was 16 we would allow him to go to adult supervised parties occassionally and take a small amount of weak alcohol with him, which he was allowed to drink. He never abused this trust and in fact I believe has justified our faith in him in that he came in worse for wear the other day for the first time ever, on his 19th birthday)

Anyway, I spoke to the mother and it turns out that the parents of this 14 year old will be supplying every child with 2 cans of cider. The boys are allowed to bring whatever they like to drink. The parents will be going out for 2 hours, during which time (from what I can gather) the boys will only be allowed in the garden (house will be locked). When the parents return the boys will not be allowed to drink any more alcohol. They are then invited to stay over night. (Is it just me or will having a 2 hour to slot their drinking in give encouragement to serious binge drinking?)

Anyway, my question is not even whether these parents are right or wrong, but rather in shock that I cannot find any parent who agrees with me that this is wrong. All my DS2's friends are going and all their parents think this is acceptable. Am I going mad, or would you expect someone somewhere to agree with me?

OP posts:
dexter73 · 09/05/2012 10:39

I think 13 is a bit young for this. My dd is 15 and I know they drink at parties, but 13? I think they could get quite drunk on 2 cans of cider. I know I would be!

MakeMineACafPow · 09/05/2012 10:41

Hmm get a grip very reasoned argument there.

As I said before, If I had had 2 cans of cider at age 14, when I was not used to alcohol (not all teenagers are down the park drinking stolen booze at every oppertunity you know) It would have had a great effect on me. If they are already used to alcohol than maybe its not such an issue, but the parents of the child throwing the party have no knowledge of how much alcohol the othe children are used to.

DameHermione · 09/05/2012 10:41

it's not just the 2 ciders though is it? 2 ciders PLUS whatever they bring with them. and unsupervised with whatever alcohol they will have with them.

so no. i wouldn't let a 13 year old be going.

halcyondays · 09/05/2012 10:41

It's illegal to sell alcohol to under 18s in a pub or supermarket, but it's not illegal for under 18s to drink alcohol in someone's house.

I agree that a 13 year old who's not used to drinking could gt quite drunk on two cans of cider and whatever else thy're brought.

dexter73 · 09/05/2012 10:42

Tbh it does sound like a complete recipe for a disaster - 13/14 year old boys+drink+no supervision.

Lovelynewboots · 09/05/2012 10:43

Mytwocentsis, One large can of strong cider can have as much as four units of alcohol in it. Two cans would be way over the recommended limit for a fully grown man.

AnAirOfHope · 09/05/2012 10:43

Its not two brinks its the bottle of wine or.wishkey or bud that is also taken. I think its the wrong atturtude to drinking.

Here two hours see how much you can drink.

I wouldnt let my son go.

Also its a crap idea for a party i would think a day driving or skiing or other activity would have been way better.

thebody · 09/05/2012 10:44

2 cans of larger is just about acceptable.

Locking them out of the house is wierd

Can guarantee that most boys will sneek stupid amounts of alcohol they can get hands on from parents stash so sherry mixed with Pernod etc.

Within 2 hours neighbours may have called police as lads WILL be drunk . and noisy, at least some of lads will b pissed out of heads, some sick and one probably dangerously drunk.

Parents are mental, they are 14 and your lad 13!!!

Speak as mom of 2 lads now past teens u will regret if u send and it won't end well.

fallenangle · 09/05/2012 10:45

I have a DD age 13. I wouldn't allow her to go to an unsupervised party where I knew drink was available. Also, there is cider of 4% and cider of 8% alcohol and everything in between. They are taking their own drink too. introducing children to alcohol is a tricky subject. I think 13 is too young.

QuickLookBusy · 09/05/2012 10:45

Agree with Dame it isn't only 2 cans of larger. The boys are allowed to bring unlimited alcohol.

Totally ridiculous. And because the parents are away for 2 hours, the boys will be gulping it down as if it were lemonade.

loopyluna · 09/05/2012 10:45

My DS is 12.5 and there is no way I would allow him to go to this party. 13-14 is just too young to drink alcohol in my book. Why on earth do these parents think it necessary to supply cider? Can't the kids have fun without it? Just don't get it (sound like I'm 76 not 36 but hey ho!)

And my2centsis, my DS is 4 stone and wears age 8-9 clothes. I'm not saying he'd be passed out after 2 drinks but I do think even this amount of alcohol would effect him more than it would effect an adult.

Softlysoftly · 09/05/2012 10:46

I hate the "well they're guna do it down the park anyway" argument, well why not lob a few underage girls, some speed and a few condoms out in the garden too and let them have at it.

This teaches them nothing about sensible drinking, thevtime limit is stupid and its incredibly rude to put other parents in a position where they have to choose to accept it or make their DC the odd one out. I'd be Angry

Lovelynewboots · 09/05/2012 10:47

It is also illegal for an adult to buy alcohol to supply to an under eighteen. This used to go on a lot in the offy I used to work in.

Original poster
Ithinkitsjustme · 09/05/2012 10:47

In which case maybe it's not just me!

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 09/05/2012 10:49

This isn't a 'party' at all. It's an underage drinking session, no more no less.
The neighbours will probably call the police.

bumperella · 09/05/2012 10:49

13-years-old is too young for this. It's not a couple of (supervised) drinks with a couple of friends. A 2-hour, unsupervised drinking slot is going to become (for some of them) a cue to pour as much booze down their throats as quickly as possible. 2 hours is plenty of time to get very very drunk.
I say this entirely because I was a nightmare teen who was bloody lucky never to have any proper, long-term problems as a result - I think it would be naive to imagine that everyone at this party will "behave" or not risk drinking way too much, at least as bad as it would be in local park with something they'd nicked.

dexter73 · 09/05/2012 10:50

Ithinkitsjustme - do all the other parents know what is happening? I can't believe that you are the only one that isn't allowing your son to go!

Clytaemnestra · 09/05/2012 10:50

As someone who got so drunk in the park with her friend on Thunderbird that our parents needed to call an ambulance to get friend's stomach pumped, I can safely say my DD wouldn't be going to that party aged 13, because the set up sounds ridiculous. Yes kids are going to drink, but I think condoning it and offering a "safe environment" to get shit faced in is counterproductive. It normalises it. I was in such serious trouble over that I didn't go out again for years, and I never got drunk in a park again. If I (or my older brother) had been allowed drinking parties, I would have struggled to understand the difference between drinking in the back garden and drinking in the park and not been half as accepting that I was in the wrong.

The same argument holds for "Oh well, let the 14 year olds have their boyfriend/girlfriend stay over because they're going to have sex anyway." Parents feel that it gives them control over their child's sex life/alcohol intake. It doesn't, I think it makes them MORE likely to go off and do awful things in addition to what they're doing at home as the boundary has been set much lower for what consitutes inappropriate behaviour. Turning a bit of a blind eye to some alcohol is fine, supplying cider and letting other kids bring whatever (cheap vodka/fortified wine - lovely) saying it's all alright, drink as much as you can in two hours then going out is the biggest recipe for trouble I can imagine.

startail · 09/05/2012 10:50

Our local pubs served us at 14 (they knew we were 14, we went to school with their DCs).

That said we could have afforded 2 half of cider max. I would have been pissed on two large cans. (Remembers half a bottle of woodpecker, result of new landlord who didn't serve us).

So no I wouldn't be happy at the parents just leaving them that much cider plus I dread to think what else is a recipe for some very sick teens.

Clytaemnestra · 09/05/2012 10:51

"saying it's all alright, drink as much as you can in two hours then going out is the biggest recipe for trouble I can imagine."

Actually, that's not true. She could give them all actual weapons first.

Maybe you can suggest that for the boy's 15th?

my2centsis · 09/05/2012 10:53

Sorry I'm from nz and thought cider was beer? So I was thinking a 355ml can Thats maybe 4% alcohol? I can see I was wrong

My apologies

CallMeAl · 09/05/2012 10:54

500ml can as well

loopyluna · 09/05/2012 10:54

Just re-read the OP. The parents are actually inviting them to sleep over?! Good grief, they're braver than me!!!

QuintessentialShadows · 09/05/2012 10:55

It is against the law to supply minors with alcohol. The party hosts could be arrested. (and if my 13 year old son was given alcohol by grown ups at a party, I can assure you that I would involve the police)

sparkle12mar08 · 09/05/2012 10:56

There's not a cat in hells chance that my 13yo would be going and I'd also be calling the police on the day of the party and reporting the parents for supplying alcohol and leaving the children unsupervised with alcohol. Parents like that are dangerous frankly.