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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel my jaw drop (age 14 party)

257 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 09/05/2012 10:17

My DS2 (age 13) asked me if he could go to a friends 14th birthday party. I said "yes". His next question was "will you buy me some alcohol to take" so I probed a bit, he said they were being allowed to take what they wanted to drink. I said that I would talk to the parents to clarify what was happening at this party, then discuss it with his father and we would make a decision together but that he shouldn't get his hopes up.

(Just to clarify, when my DS1 was 16 we would allow him to go to adult supervised parties occassionally and take a small amount of weak alcohol with him, which he was allowed to drink. He never abused this trust and in fact I believe has justified our faith in him in that he came in worse for wear the other day for the first time ever, on his 19th birthday)

Anyway, I spoke to the mother and it turns out that the parents of this 14 year old will be supplying every child with 2 cans of cider. The boys are allowed to bring whatever they like to drink. The parents will be going out for 2 hours, during which time (from what I can gather) the boys will only be allowed in the garden (house will be locked). When the parents return the boys will not be allowed to drink any more alcohol. They are then invited to stay over night. (Is it just me or will having a 2 hour to slot their drinking in give encouragement to serious binge drinking?)

Anyway, my question is not even whether these parents are right or wrong, but rather in shock that I cannot find any parent who agrees with me that this is wrong. All my DS2's friends are going and all their parents think this is acceptable. Am I going mad, or would you expect someone somewhere to agree with me?

OP posts:
TheCunningStunt · 09/05/2012 11:22

I get drunk after two cans of pear cider Blush. Well tipsy. I would not be happy with my Just 14 year old drinking two cans. One, yes. And also locking them in the garden for two hours??weird.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/05/2012 11:22

No. She is helping him set boundaries.

crazygracieuk · 09/05/2012 11:23

My pfb is starting secondary in September and I'd naively imagined 13 year olds celebrating birthdays but going paintballing or having an xbox night- am I out of touch?

manicbmc · 09/05/2012 11:23

The OP's ds doesn't sound like he actually wanted to go anyway. Good on him. He sounds very sensible.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/05/2012 11:23

Good lord yes, what Quint is saying. It will go viral. The parents are fucking idiots.

A 13 or 14 yo having a couple of drinks at family parties, weddings and so on is one thing. This is something quite, quite different.

MadameChinLegs · 09/05/2012 11:24

OP, irrespective of your DSs 'street cred' going down, you are not happy for him to be in that situation and are NBU by stopping him from being in it. Your last post re: how the parents spoke to you would only re-inforce to me that I wouldn't want my DC going anywhere near that situation.

What's to say the parent's arent going to go out, get mortal and bring back even more booze for all the lads to drink....what's to say they don't end up having a full blown out party with their own friends? There's too many what ifs. ANd as a pp said, 13/14 yo's shouldn't NEED alcohol to have a good time. Ffs, adults shouldn'#t NEED alcohol to have a good time.

littlemslazybones · 09/05/2012 11:24

Well, as a teenager, I would have preferred a 'sorry, we are away doing something terribly exciting' card. Maybe I went to school with a particularly rough crowd because I'd be quaking in my boots now and waiting for the 'Your mum is a grass' kicking. Sad

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/05/2012 11:25

I was drinking strong cider unsupervised at 13. There is No Fucking Way my own son will be doing the same.

Francagoestohollywood · 09/05/2012 11:26

This sounds like the worseparty I?ve ever heard of. Locked out in a garden (what if the weather is crap?) with 2 cans of cider??? What are they supposed to do? Just drink

lolajane2009 · 09/05/2012 11:27

i'd be more worried by the other inhibitions that may be lacking when there is no supervision. i have to admit i got fall down drunk at 12 and didnt drink till 18 again as i was ill.

idontbelieveanymore · 09/05/2012 11:27

I am Shock about this party!!
Your son wouldn't be the only 13 year old there and the parent smust be mental allowing alcohol as there will be more than one or two kids that drink more and vomit everywhere.

This party is dangerous and I would not hesitate calling the police when the party is going on. These 'children' should not be given drink and whatever they bring unsupervised. Awful and I dread the time when I will have to make these decisions Sad

Francagoestohollywood · 09/05/2012 11:28

Sorry, there is missing ? at the end of my post

SusanneLinder · 09/05/2012 11:28

Nope no WAY I would be letting my 13 year old go. When my Daughter was 16, she had a party where we allowed alcohol. HOWEVER we went as far as asking every single parent to sign a permission slip to ask if they minded. And that was for 2 cottles of beer or alcopops. And it was in a locked fridge so they couldnt nick more. :o. And they didnt sneak any in cos we checked . It was WELL supervised with adults.

They had a great time cos we hired a disco too. But 2 cans of cider is FAR too much for a 13 year old. Thats like 2 litres of cider.....

ABatInBunkFive · 09/05/2012 11:29

Would i bollocks be allowing my child to go to this party, the parents sound insane. 13 and 14 year olds are not all out drinking anyway.

I can see this 'party' kicking off in a bad way, i would send a text along the lines of what quint said because i have a feeling the police will be involved at some point and it doesn't sound like they'd have any problem blaming you for that Hmm

Pandemoniaa · 09/05/2012 11:29

I'd not be so bothered about the two cans. In a supervised environment it will do little harm provided they aren't drinking Special Brew.

But I'd be very concerned about the bring "whatever they want" aspect of this party and the 2-hour window in which they'll be left unattended, in a garden (?) in order to drink themselves silly. Because teenagers of that age are hopeless at moderating quantity, let alone predicting the effect of the sort of mixtures that inevitably result from bringing their own drink. They may not intend to get mullered but given their lack of experience with alcohol, at the point at which they realise they've overdone it, the damage is done.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/05/2012 11:30

littlemslazybones me too, but in all honesty I think once all the teenagers from within a 5 mile radius descend on the party and start vomming in the neighbours' fishponds, it will be evident to the even nastiest of little scrotes that the police turning up had eff all to do with the OP.

zzzzz · 09/05/2012 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fimbo · 09/05/2012 11:32

Please tell me why a bunch of 13/14 year old's NEED to have alcohol? My dd is 14 in two weeks time. She is having a roller skating party at the local leisure centre in the afternoon. That's it. I would be horrified at giving her or her friends alcohol.

throckenholt · 09/05/2012 11:34

I would hate to be the neighbour with all those boys locked in the garden with copious amounts of alcohol. Given that they can bring what they like as well as the 2 cans of cider each.

No way would I let my kids go to that.

TheRhubarb · 09/05/2012 11:36

My dh's teenage niece threw a party with the full consent of her parents who were there. This is a nice, middle class girl with quite posh parents who live close to Oxford in a very suburbian, wealthy area.

She didn't advertise it on Facebook but some of her friends did post messages about the party and they were passed onto other people. In all around 200 people turned up. They raided the parent's alcohol supply and were vomiting and making out all over the place. The parents were horrified and called the police themselves. They even called other parents to help them control the situation which quickly got out of hand. The girl herself was gutted.

He now says that he will never ever allow one of his girls to throw a party again.

SarahStratton · 09/05/2012 11:39

You will come back and update us after this 'party', won't you?

And no, DD2 (14) would not be going. Not a chance, although I doubt very much she'd want to, she's already used my 'unreasonableness' as a reason to wiggle out of this sort of thing.

The parents want certifying IMO.

Bletchley · 09/05/2012 11:40

My 13yo DS celebrated his birthday with a trip to the cinema followed by a takeaway with his mates at our house. Alcohol not even on the radar. No way would he be going to this party. I'm not sure he'd want to, tbh.

BobbiFleckman · 09/05/2012 11:42

Yanbu, and the parents will live to regret their bonkers idea.

I would take DS out for the evening to a vampire film / bowling alley / pool hall or whatever he likes to soften the blow of not going, & so he has a better night than the ones stuck outdoors face down in a pile of sick. It'll encourage future honesty in the same vein (& i'm a soft touch)>

throckenholt · 09/05/2012 11:43

The bigger picture is depressing too. The idea that kids of 13-14 need alcohol to have fun is profoundly depressing. It is hardly surprising we have this culture of binge drinking and the idea that if you can remember it then it wasn't fun :(

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/05/2012 11:44

Stratters, it'll be in the papers Grin

Even in the 80s, when we didn't have mobile phones let alone Facebook (some of us didn't even have phones in our houses ) word of a party like this spread like wildfire. I went to some very, very messy parties as a teen.

The parents are beyond stupid.