to feel my jaw drop (age 14 party)

[Ithinkitsjustme]

My DS2 (age 13) asked me if he could go to a friends 14th birthday party. I said "yes". His next question was "will you buy me some alcohol to take" so I probed a bit, he said they were being allowed to take what they wanted to drink. I said that I would talk to the parents to clarify what was happening at this party, then discuss it with his father and we would make a decision together but that he shouldn't get his hopes up.

(Just to clarify, when my DS1 was 16 we would allow him to go to adult supervised parties occassionally and take a small amount of weak alcohol with him, which he was allowed to drink. He never abused this trust and in fact I believe has justified our faith in him in that he came in worse for wear the other day for the first time ever, on his 19th birthday)

Anyway, I spoke to the mother and it turns out that the parents of this 14 year old will be supplying every child with 2 cans of cider. The boys are allowed to bring whatever they like to drink. The parents will be going out for 2 hours, during which time (from what I can gather) the boys will only be allowed in the garden (house will be locked). When the parents return the boys will not be allowed to drink any more alcohol. They are then invited to stay over night. (Is it just me or will having a 2 hour to slot their drinking in give encouragement to serious binge drinking?)

Anyway, my question is not even whether these parents are right or wrong, but rather in shock that I cannot find any parent who agrees with me that this is wrong. All my DS2's friends are going and all their parents think this is acceptable. Am I going mad, or would you expect someone somewhere to agree with me?

That would be one party none of my FCC would attend

Ahem. DC. Damn you autocorrect

Hope there is no hosepipe ban where you live - bet there is spew to clean up in the morning.

My ds is 13 and quite immature for his age, so I would never allow this. He has on the rare occasion had a weak shandy when he's been with us, but even this makes him giggly, god knows what 2 cans of cider would do to him.

It's not just you, OP. YANBU. It's ridiculous to give children of that age 2 cans of cider plus whatever they want to bring. What if their moronic parents allow them to have a half bottle of vodka? Well, why stop there, let's go the whole hog and let them drink till they puke.
What a stupid set of parents - you're doing the right thing and even your 13 year old son can see that. It mystifies me that other parents think allowing 13 year olds carte blanche is acceptable.

absolutely agree with whoever said upthread that this is a v MC thing

ds (who's a bit chicken, to be fair) stopped going to friends' parties in Y8/9 because of the (permitted) booze, and (secret) fags. He knew he didn't want to do them, but didn't want to look wussy

I was sad, because he effectively lost a group of friends- but glad, because if I'd had to call it, I wouldn't've let him go anyway

Gettingeasier why feel the need to offer alcohol to 13 year olds though?! Wouldn't they have been just as happy with Coke or Pepsi?

I can't believe anyone thinks this is a good idea. To supply a couple of cans of cider to 13 year olds- well okaaaay

But they have no idea what alcohol the children will be bringing. I eoyldn't like to have to explain to the emergency services that er you gave NI idea how much alcohol that unconscious child has taken, that you were not there and that you actually supplied these children with alcohol.

Just a quick update, I thought everything had gone ok and there were no problems, until last night when I discoved that there a lot of unhappy parents after lots of vodka, lots of sex and lots of very sick kids! (and possibly police called into the argain) Ah well, we all live and learn

Ha - serves them right! Idiot parents. Poorkids though

I would feel sorry for the boy whose party it was, but from what I can gather his street cred has shot through the roof! (and i don't think he was ill either)

hmm, I think those who say it's reasonable and legal should ask themselves whether they would feel comfortable telling a social worker that they were buying alcohol for their 13/14 year old kid and sending them to a party with it, always helps me make my mind up about things like this.

Also for those who said "it's only 2 cans of cider"..no it isn't, its that plus whatever else they take.

Sex?! I thought it was all lads? Not that that means they couldn't be having sex but, just makes me think wtaf even more.

Definitely good that your ds didn't go.

Should also point out that I was mistaken by the "being locked out in the garden", the house can be "locked down" meaning that the rooms they can get into (assuming that the son doesn't know/ use the codes) are restricted to those the parents are happy with, so no access to bedrooms/ lounge etc. They seem to have been given the kitchen (very big and posh] to use trash

Feel quite sad about the sex bit actually. If my 14 year old (boy or girl) had sex for the first time at a party where alcohol had been provided, I would feel that they had been rather cheated out of a positive, consenting loss of their virginity.

two cans of cider PLUS whatever else they want to bring and two hours to drink it? Seriously?

I think at 14, one would be plenty in the space of two hours, two, is pushing it, and asking them to bring their own in addition is madness.

I think if it was me, I'd provide a few crates of those small bottles of beer, and make a huge bowl of weak punch.

Jsut seen it did go a bit pear shaped! I do wonder where on earth 14 year olds managed to get voddy from

There was no mention of girls being invited before the event. Not sure whther they just got wind f the party and turned up anyway, or whether it was always the plan.

So your ds didn't go?

Hope the parents handed out condoms with those cans of cider!

Oh no, my DS was nowhere near the place. I was just amazed that no-one else shared my concerns.

Blimey - sounds mental to me! I would be miffed I had an email complaining I was spoiling things though. Just because your ds isn't going doesn't mean you're trying to scupper it.

The outcome you describe is pretty predictable so think your choice is vindicated and you can feel a bit smug

Does your DS seem bothered he missed it?

Not at all, I think he told me what was planned so he had a get out. He doesn't drink and hates it.

Excellent, good for him - That is exactly how I would have felt at his age and now! I enjoy a drink but hate occasions where it is compulsory or You Are Not Having A Good Time!

You clearly have a ds who knows his own mind.

I would be intrigued to know what the parents who thought you were over-reacting are thinking now. Wonder if anyone will say anything or will be feeling too sheepish? Sounds like they all went along with it - maybe even against their better judgement - as the parents in question sound like they hold some sway.