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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious about dd's hair cut?

481 replies

Hockacholic · 08/05/2012 10:22

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

OP posts:
sparkle12mar08 · 08/05/2012 10:45

I would be absolutely livid, I would be so far beyond angry I'd be out the other side into the cold calm waters of total fury. I most certainly would have a conversation with the mother and would make damn sure she knew just what a betrayal of trust I saw it as. My child would also never go to their house again without me present and I'd make sure the mother knew it was her fault. You simply do not do that to another parents child without their permission. You just don't. It goes against all the social norms and niceties that make life work and friendships function. It's about trust and I would never ever trust her again, which would mean my friendship with her was over.

tiggyfours · 08/05/2012 10:46

I would be furious, and be contacting a solicitor if that happened to my daughter!

Pooka · 08/05/2012 10:46

Dd has chin length bob and has never had nits, nor did she when her hair was shoulder length (at which point it was possible to tie it back).

Mishy1234 · 08/05/2012 10:46

Do you think there might have been a bit of playing at being hairdressers between the girls that went a bit wrong? Maybe that's what happened and the mother had to fix it? Clutching at straws here, but that's the only thing I can think of which might explain things.

Olympia2012 · 08/05/2012 10:47

Even if she cuts hair all day long, don't hairdressers have done dirt of 'code of conduct' ? What if it was not to be cut for religious reasons? You can't just go round deciding to cut hair!

Olympia2012 · 08/05/2012 10:47

*some sort

RobinSparkles · 08/05/2012 10:47

I don't believe anyone would do such a thing!

DD1 has a friend with a hairdresser mum - I shan't be sending her to play there alone Wink

WorraLiberty · 08/05/2012 10:48

Put it this way....

It's illegal for a Foster Carer to cut a child's hair into a radically different style without parental permission.

Therefore a random parent (and a hairdresser at that!) has no legal right at all.

Pooka · 08/05/2012 10:48

A solicitor????

Crikey. What for? What would a solicitor do?

gallifrey · 08/05/2012 10:48

my friend who is a hairdresser did the same thing to my dd, she only trimmed it though!
I was quite pleased, I was going to ask her to do it anyway!

ILikeTrains · 08/05/2012 10:48

Would you seriously contact a solicitor over an unauthorised haircut Tiggy?

SuchProspects · 08/05/2012 10:48

YANBU about the other mum. She should not have cut your daughters hair without asking you. I would be a little worried about letting my daughter play there again if her judgement is that poor.

YABU if your fury is fueled by the fact your daughter is no longer as visually pleasing to you. I feel really sorry for the girl :(

fedupofnamechanging · 08/05/2012 10:48

Some of you are seriously overreacting, talking about solicitors and ending friendships with a perfectly nice woman who just didn't think.

She's had a haircut, not a tattoo! It will grow back.

pictish · 08/05/2012 10:49

Yes...consulting a solicitor is taking it a bit far, I think. Grin

MimiSam · 08/05/2012 10:49

I would be furious and would certainly let the other mother know. I think the fact that she is a hairdresser and has done a good job is irrelevant (what if she had been a hairdresser and done a bad job? It happens...) I would ask her how she would feel if you altered the appearance of her daughter in any way without asking first. And for those who recommend shrugging it off because it will grow back again..really? Growing shoulder length hair back to bum length will take years. She had no right to do this, none at all. I would also certainly let all mutual friends know about it too, in case she does it to their children.

Original poster
Hockacholic · 08/05/2012 10:50

Ok thanks for your suggestions I will speak to the mum tonight and say I would have appreciated being asked as it was such a shock. Don't want lo let dd go to play at that friends house again.

OP posts:
LovelyJubilee · 08/05/2012 10:51

I knew a 7 year old who hadn't had a hair cut. Her mum loved her hair, everyone else secretly thought it was ghastly. Not one of us would ever have said anything to her or cut it ourselves.

I am wondering if your friend thought it 'needed' a cut and took it upon herself to do it. Totally out of order if she did.

umiaisha · 08/05/2012 10:51

Outrageous. Not sure how you have managed to resist ringing her already..

DD has hair halfway down her back and I would be furious if someone cut it without my permission. As a couple of other posters have said, hair really needs to be cropped or long and tied back/up to ward off nits. Quite a few of the girls at DD's school have a bob and IMO a lot of the time they look quite scruffy with hair all over their face.

CailinDana · 08/05/2012 10:52

I honestly don't know how I would feel in your position. In one sense I can totally see why you're upset, but at the same time I feel like it's her hair so if she asked for it to be done and is happy with it then there's no issue. I suppose when it comes down to it I think I would struggle to trust the other mum again because I would feel like she didn't really have sensible boundaries and could do something else that was much worse without consulting me.

tiggyfours · 08/05/2012 10:54

I just cannot believe someone would do that without asking first! It has made me cross and it is not my child!

Debsbear · 08/05/2012 10:54

I would be livid at this, if only because she didn't have the courtesy to come in and explain. There are obviously reason why this might have seemed like a good idea. Eg. your daughter and her friend got her hair caught in hair tongs, they cut it while playing around and the mum tidied it up, she got chewing gum stuck in it etc, etc. Whatever, she should have explained. I woud go round and ask, calmly (honestly fingers crossed behind back) why she felt the need to cut my daughters hair. Then tell her that if hse does it again, the scissors will disappear somewhere she wouldn't like them to! [evil grin]

WorraLiberty · 08/05/2012 10:56

Nor can I tiggy

The hairdresser isn't even a friend of the OP...not that it would make it any better if she was.

LtEveDallas · 08/05/2012 10:56

You know, I've just thought of something. Way back in the mists of time I posted about getting a fringe cut in DSDs hair (DSD was 11). We did this when DSD was with us for a 2 week holiday, and had asked her dad to get it done.

DSDs mum went absolutely barking mad. There was talk of stopping contact and everything.

I posted about it and got seriously flamed, rounded on, chewed up and spat out. I swear I can still feel the bruises! I was almost unanimously told I was BU - took my kicking and limped off home. I also apologised unreservedly to DSDs mum and NEVER got her hair again!

I do wish some of you posters had been around then Smile

AngelWreakinHavoc · 08/05/2012 10:56

I would be furious. My ex took my dd 8 for her hair cut and he got it cut to an ear length bob. I could have cried when I seen her, Her hair was right down her back when he took her. He knew I was fuming with him and wont dare take her for a hair cut now, She is 10 now and has lovely long hair again but if it was someone else who took it upon themselves to cut one of my childrens hair I would be absolutley livid!

helpyourself · 08/05/2012 10:57

I would be furious. I don't know what good could come out of talking to the mother- I cannot think of an explanation that would make it ok, and it can't be undone.

I wouldn't let DD visit again. The mother has shown a massive lack of common sense and awareness of boundaries.