To be furious about dd's hair cut?

[Hockacholic]

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

I don't believe you. And anyway, if she has never had a haircut at seven years old, she probably needed one.

You have to assume DD asked for it to be done though? Surely this woman didn't just decide to reach for the scissors? Maybe she was doing her own DD's and yours asked? Which would make it OK to have done it, but I still don't think you are BU to be cross she didn't check with you first.

"soup at 7? Really?"

Er, yes. DD is 6 and when we go to the hairdressers she decide how she wants it cut, not me. Obviously I wouldn't let her have it all shaved off or cut into a mullet/mohican or dyed platinum blonde but it is her hair and it grows back.

YA DEF NBU. I'd be fuming. DD's hair it might be, soup, but she is SEVEN YEARS OLD. How very dare someone cut your child's hair without your permission?! I too would have phoned straight away... Do it now!

I could maybe have accepted something like this (just) with my DD if it was just a little trim or tidy up but that's a whole lotta hair to go from bum length to shoulder!

Soup - would you really accept that if it was your DD? Genuine question by the way! Seeven year olds are somewhat impetuous to say the least!

X-post. I think if DD has asked then there's nothing you can do about it really.

OP, I would phone or speak to the mum when I saw her and say that you would have appreciated being asked first.

I'd be upset too - she ought to have checked and it would be worth saying this to her, before she does it again.

That said, she is a hairdresser and presumably has done a good job (am thinking you would have mentioned it, if not). So, it could be a lot worse. You can't undo this, but it will grow again. I think you have to fight the urge to cry and actively decide to minimise this in your mind on the grounds that it is not permanent and probably looks nice and your dd is happy.

The actual hairstyle is not the issue - if the OP's dd wanted her hair cut that's fine - it's the undertaking of a task that was not the woman's place!

Indeed Worra.

"Soup - would you really accept that if it was your DD?"

Yes! That's why I said it.

I would then tell the mother that it would have been nice had she asked me first though.

I bet it was easier to do before school this morning.

I must be decidedly odd then - I would be very surprised and a little shocked not to have been asked/told, but if dd had asked and was happy with the end result and it wasn't an outlandish cut I wouldn't be furious/livid/frothing.

YANBU. I'd be furious. Has your daughter mentioned about getting her hair cut before? I had similar length hair as a child and ended up demanding for it to be cut shorter as it was too much hassle to wash, dry and brush. I'd never have done it without permission though and at 7 years old the mum should have definitely phoned you to ask first.

I would be fuming tbh.

"I don't know if you realise this, but you cutting xxx's hair without asking me was really stepping on my toes. She likes the cut, but you should've okayed it with me first. I can't believe that you didn't!"

I think would be fair fucks.

"Soupdragon - I wholeheartedly disagree."

Pictish really? You wholeheartedly disagree even with the bit where I said the mother should have asked first? Or did you not read that bit?

I had hair down to the back of my knees til I was seven, and begged begged begged for it to be cut into a bob. My Dad didnt want me to, Mum did, so my argument was that Dad could only shout once. He couldn't change it.

I got it cut and everyone loved it.

BUT......at least one of my parent's consented. It is absoloutley not on whatso ever that this woman took it upon herself to cut all your dds hair off. If your dd had asked for a can of larger, would she have obliged????

I am furious on your behalf.

I hope that you have spoken to this woman?

soup but YOU took her to the hairdresser..... That's the key..... This is nothing like that.

Suppose she had wanted it dyed blue? Or her ears pierced? Is that all ok too because a 7 year old 'wants' it?!

"less worry about dreaded nits"

Not if it isn't long enough to plait.

I hate seeing little girls with inches of dead baby hair because their parents cannot bare to get it cut. I feel the same with baby fluff curls, it needs trimming to help it grow healthily.

However it should have been trimmed, not cut, at most and ideally you should have had the chance to speak to your DD.

Would you have allowed it if she had asked you? If your DD has been asking for it cut, you should have taken her to get it done.

I'm not overly precious about hair though.

I disagree with the sentiment of your post.
But you know that - you're just being peevish.
Carry on.

X-post with someone else! Slow typist!!

Hock - I'd phone and ask why she didn't check with you first! Simple as that. That's quite a drastic change after all and whilst your DD may love it that's not really the point.

If you had denied permission after being consulted then you would be unreasonable if your DD really wanted it done.

I would say something along the lines of 'I was really shocked when DD walked through the door yesterday' and take it from there.

I never drop DS's friends off without seeing the child's parents, that's manners isn't it?

It isn't akin to allowing a child something illegal, tattooing/alcohol etc.