To be furious about dd's hair cut?

[Hockacholic]

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

I was the same with my ds GobblersKnob (I love your name!) but in the end - and I stood it for about a year - he just looked like Worzel Gummidge especially in the mornings after sleeping on it, so we discussed other options.

Ok I made him have it cut. But I let him choose a shorter style, it's not shaved off or anything and it still very trendy and he loves it.

I would be very very annoyed at someone doing that to my 7 yr old without talking to me at ALL.

Wow so many comments. I definitely won't be going to the press as I said I'm not a confrontational person. I will speak to the mum tonight when I will hopefully have calmed down and let you all know the outcome. I am feeling nervous about speaking to her I'm such a wuss, need to get a grip

maybe the girl and her friend cut it themselves (as they do) and the mum put it right and didn't say owt

Well you might need to make sure your DD didn't say:

"Can you cut my hair? My Mum says it's all right. Yes she did! Actually my Mum asked me to ask you to cut my hair. Oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!!"

. . . and the other Mum isn't planning an AIBU of her own along the lines of "AIBU to be annoyed that my DD's friends' Mums all seem to think that just because I am a hairdresser they can send their DDs to me for a free haircut. I was so annoyed about being taken for granted that I just dropped the kid off at the door and drove away, I didn't even want to speak to her."

OP - is your DD Rapunzel from Tangled and is the cutting of her hair going to turn you into a wizened old crone? If so then YADNBU. However, if you are both mere mortals then this is not such a big deal.

What's the point of talking to her- it can't be undone. Just don't let her back again- and perhaps talk to your daughter about boundaries and common sense!

On a machiavellian level, did she give you the hair back or is she going to sell it for extensions and make a mint?

Ooooh yes Whirly - apparently real hair is quite the commodity!

Maybe the other Mum is running a secret Hair Ring.

I am seriously struggling to believe that this mother cut maybe 12 inches off a child's hair and didn't a. phone to ask or b. come in and speak about it when dropping said child back home.

If this person is a hairdresser I should imagine that she of all people will 'get' how stupidly important the hair of some children is ludicrously precious to the parents.

What if she'd cut it into a Mohawk style?

Or is cutting another child's hair without parental permission ok as long as you like the style?

I can see all sorts of problems with that one....

Ah Frank - you cynic, you

This thread has entertained and stopped me doing paperwork for ages!

I think it is totally wrong to cut a child hair without express permission from the parents, especially such a dramatic cut.

HOWEVER

I also think many parents leave little girls hair so long, to the benefit of no one. Perhaps because the parents like it really long, when actually it is a nightmare for the child.

So I would be very annoyed and HAVE to say something to the Mum to let her know how out of order she is. But it is lovely your DD loves her hair - she has probably been wanting a cut for sometime now.

I'd have been furious, I was pretty upset when DD1 got the hair dresser to chop her's while I was round the corner with DD2. She was 12 not 7.

However, DD1s is back in it's long plait two years later and she's learnt to brush it right to the ends!

Honestly, the Mum should have asked. I generally think 10-11 before making those sort of decisions a 7 yo is far too likely to forget they can't change their minds 5 minutes later.

Seeing as the girl hasn't had a haircut in seven years, I doubt whatever the friend's mother cut off would be in any condition to sell.

Right at the start of this thread goingtoofast told you exactly what you should do. There will almost certainly be a perfectly reasonable explanation for it.

The girl's hair went from arse to shoulder length; hardly radical. Moreover the girl likes her new haircut.

Whilst I agree that (if this ever happened at all) it is an unusual situation, the fury is just bizarre.

i'd be as mad as a snake.

Yup Salmo I is that.

Worra - I've just searched for my old thread, but cannot find it so it must have turned into an even bigger bunfight after I left! It's amusing that MN views could change in such a radical way in the space of what, 5 years?

OP - I'm wondering, had your daughter asked to have her hair cut before? If not then it most have come as even more of a shock. If she had, did you say no before?

I'm too gullible, me.

I believe everything.

I really should go and do paperwork ...

You'd think that working part-time would mean I'm all organised and super-duper up to date wouldn't you?

Hah! If only ...

'bum length' hair is almost always revolting anyways.

Its just hair ffs.

Yabu.

YANBU - this is so, so wrong on so many levels. OP you need to get in touch with your inner rage and confront this woman.
As I see it these are the issues:
At 7, you make the decisions - including when, whether, how and by whom your child has their hair cut.
No adult does anything "physical" to your child while that child is in their care unless it is necessary (accident etc).
No adult does anything to your child's person or belongings without your permission.

You need to explain to this mum that you are upset and offended, that no matter what DD may or may not have said, this action should not have been undertaken without reference to you and without your presence, and that your DD will not be visiting their home again.

The woman clearly has no boundaries and that is the heart of the problem.

Salmo You'd think that working part-time would mean I'm all organised and super-duper up to date wouldn't you?

Well I would ordinarily, and then I see it's you

I agree that it is pretty unusual to cut a child's hair without having parental permission - at the least, I would be a bit about it.

Exactly- it's less to do about "only hair, ffs" and more about the fact that she did it without your permission and then disappeared guiltily when dropping DD off.

I tend to agree that bum length is probably too long, and that seven years without a haircut is excessive, BUT.... nothing to do with me, or anyone else, what people do with their children's hair.