To be furious about dd's hair cut?

[Hockacholic]

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

Tiddlyompompom OP has not stated she has talked to the mum she said she might.

yes she has. i realise that 19 pages is alot to trawl through but she has posted an update several pages in.

She did thunder. At a gym class if I remember rightly so all done and dusted.

Vicar & Noqontrol!

What page is it that Hock updated on after speaking to the mum? I can't find it and I've trawled through them!!

Hockacholic Tue 08-May-12 19:52:10

Ok update .took dd to gymnastics tonight where friend also attends, haircut mum saw me and came straight over to see how happy I am with new hair style. I told her how upset I am and asked why she didn't phone to check it would be ok. Friends mum was very apologetic apparently dd and friend had told the mum that I had said it was ok confused. Anyway I guess I will just have to get over it, dd is happy and it does look nice. I just can't believe she took a 7 year olds word and didn't check with me.

Abatinbunkfive, LOVE your name!!!!

Is this the bit where Hock's comes back and admits it was a wind up??

I cannot believe that anyone would be fine with this??? It is not up to some stranger to do things like this - it just isn't.

Thought possibly dd had said you would be ok,with it op,but a phonecall to check would have been better!least your dd likes it.

Btw if she'd never had a haircut chances are there would have been a few split ends,if you do not have these cut,they travel up to their hairshaft and damage it,sometimes that strand will not grow back,so actually yes having dead ends cut does make your hair healthier.

Plus op does she have to wear her hair up high or in a bun,as with such long hair,that can put so much stress on the hair,you can get bald patches around the hairline,so may have done her a favour for in the future!
I do think she should have checked with you first and not just taken the word of an eager 7yr old,i dnt think this lady needs to be lynched,sued or her livelihood ruined!

I would be BEYOND LIVID!!! I'd have gone round there to have it out with her. No one, repeat no one has ANY right whatsoever to do that to YOUR child. Your child's hair is your (and your dp's) domain not another parent's.

I still remember as a 7 year old, my older sister (a very sensible 16 year old) cutting my very long hair to mid length whilst my mum was out at work. My eldest sister (17 years) and my mum did their nut at sister no 2. I still remember feeling obliged at wanting to please my big hair cutting sister but silently being very distressed at having my hair cut and not getting my mum's permission. Pretty difficult for a 7 year old to stand up to a 16 year old. I guess this is how your dd felt. Have it out with this parent. She is clearly unable and unaware of normal social boundaries.

I think that you are reading your own situation into it. The DD likes it. I am amazed that anyone took a 7 yr old's word without checking and it isn't usual. However a 7 yr old is entitled to have their hair the way they want and not according to what their mother wants, as if they are a doll. Maybe DD was afraid that if the woman checked with her mother she would insist it was left long.

I'm still fascinated how few people have been prepared to say at what age a child is allowed to make completely independent decisions about their hair.

Imagine the same scentaio - friend's mother a hairdresser, appropriate cut- at what age would you think it would be OK for your child to decide to ask the mother to cut her hair without asking your permission?

I would put 5 years. I had definite views then, my mother wanted it short, I wanted it long.

She did not check with mum it was ok and it is bad enough but to just drop the girl back home without stopping to talk to the mum (and maybe just explain that the little girl was insisting) is really bad.

Personally, I cannot imagine cutting the hair of one of my dcs friends even if they were insisting! possibly because it would be a bit like !

I would be very cross too.

MIL cut DS's hair the other day without asking. She lopped off all his lovely baby curls at the back of his neck, but I can only assume she did it in the dark, with her left hand, after drinking a bottle of vodka.

Had to take him to the hairdressers the next day as she'd made such a hash of it and he screamed the place down.

I was absolutely furious and very upset. She didn't even save his baby curls for me.

Bitch. [fuckinglivid]

No one else has actually given the age that you listen to your DC and put her wishes ahead of yours.

DS will have to be able to pay for it himself if he wants tramlines or some crap.

Barnet democracy started from about 3 years, as soon as he gave an opinion.

I would veto hair dyeing and until about 14 too.

'I would be BEYOND LIVID!!! I'd have gone round there to have it out with her. No one, repeat no one has ANY right whatsoever to do that to YOUR child. Your child's hair is your (and your dp's) domain not another parent's

No it is her DD's domain!!she is a person in her own right not your dolly!

I don't think that anyone is taking about extreme haircuts, she had a perfectly nice one. I also hate the word MY put in front of DD as if she is a possession.

Even a 'moderate' haircut I would like to know about the plan before it is put in action. Since I am the leader of the hair democracy. So I would expect 'Mum I'd like to get my hair cut' 'Ok what do you want?'.

If my DC got another kid to cut his hair, I would be cross, even if it turned out ok.

Before the child went and got another adult to cut their hair I would expect that adult to check with me out of respect for me as a parent.

Without the dialogue you don't know if you are talking about extreme haircuts, do you?

I would put my DC wishes before my own at any age my boy has long hair that I am desperate to have cut, DD has fringe that I do not particularly like but the key issue for me is going behind back and doing without consultation and agreement.
and exotic how do you refer to your DD when talking about them without using my ?? My kids say "my mum, my Dad , my Nana etc " and I say my kids, Husband , Dad whatever

I would put my DC wishes before my own at any age does this apply solely to haircuts? If this is your general attitude, to anything, you may end up in a bit of a pickle somewhere down the line.

No of course not! just about things like hair cuts/ clothes etc was responding to exotic.

Phew, was thinking "hope they don't ask for a trip to the moon anytime soon"