To be furious about dd's hair cut?

[Hockacholic]

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

Come on people, stop wimping out.

How old does a child have to be before they are old enough to decide for themselves that they want their hair cut?

There seem to be a lot of people who hate long hair on here.

DD has mid back length hair. It has been longer - waist length. I remember the flaming I got in September when I asked for help when she was going back to school after her swimming lesson with it dripping all day. So many people told me to get it cut off. - They were missing the point. SHE chooses to have it long.
After an accident with a brush when she hacked a chunk off rather than come for help several years ago - once that bit grew back sufficiently she had a fringe cut in at her request. She is now growing that fringe out. She has also had, for her, a lot cut off it (about 5 inches) recently after saying like so many other people have - she wanted it short, then the next day she didn't, then she did.... So I am not precious about how her hair is cut as long as it does not look stupid.

As so many people have said it is not necessarily the length of the hair that was cut off it was the sheer audacity that the friend's mother had to do it without asking if it was OK first. I too would have been furious - not at the haircut but that permission was not asked.

And all of you that hate long hair are you equally vocal on other aspects of someone's appearance if it is not how you would choose to look?

In my opinion, if the parent is paying for it, then the DC and the parent decide together when and what cut to get.

For instance, if at 15 I am still paying for DD to get a haircut and she wants a mowhawk, i'd say no. However, if she was paying for her own haircuts at that age, feel free

It depends on the cut, as MadameChinlegs says.

I don't have a problem letting my dc choose their haircut - they're 11 and 9 and have probably said what they've wanted for the last 3 years or more.

Same with clothes - I usually buy them online and give them to the dc, but now dd's 11 she's keen on going clothes shopping and choosing her own stuff. I trust her, she's age appropriate so there's no problem. If she bought teeny daisy dukes and a crop top, there would be a big problem.

Reminds me of when my 7yr old nephew went to play at his friends house last summer. His friends mum mentioned she was taking her son to have his hair cut later that afternoon,my sister said she needed to get her ds hair cut as they were going to a wedding the following sat so the friends mum offered to take him at the same time. My sis agreed and gave the mum £15 and said he just needs a trim.

Anyway when she went to pick her ds up,she was horrified to find he had a shaved head! Apparently he had asked for it to be done like that so friends mum let him!

The most shocking thing was when it emerged friends mum had shaved it for him herself and kept the money! When my sister rang her to find out what the hell had gone on the friends mum said 'why pay the barber when all he wanted was his head shaving!' completely missing the point that a.she had offered to take him to the barbers, b.yes there prob is no point paying to have a shaved head but my sis did pay but friend kept the money and c.she only wanted him to have a trim!

Some people!

So far we've had 5 and "when they can pay for it themselves". Anyone else prepared to say when their children will get "Barnet Autonomy"?

Seeker for me they do not have to be any particular age. If my child was 4 or 7 or 10 and wanted it cut they could have it cut, providing the style was suitable and age appropriate etc.

But I would still expect a woman, when told by my 7 year old to cut her hair and it's fine with mummy, to ring mummy and check first that this is indeed the case. And even then I would probably want to choose the stylist myself and not leave it up to randomers who might ruin it and cost me money and aggravation.

I think total Barnet Autonomy comes when they have left school, can pay for it themselves, and have to answer to no-one.

I've been wishing long-haired 11 yo dd would want shorter hair since she was about 7 - but I would still be utterly flabbergasted if she came home from a friend's house with it cut off, and the mum said nothing at all to me about it! You just can't cut a child's hair like that, it is a truly bizarre thing to do without checking!

Mine had Barnet Autonomy early on although, before they were secondary school age I did know when and where their hair was being cut.

But since the barber was a friend of ours, he basically ignored 6 year old ds2's regular request to "cut it like Mr T" and also knew that I wasn't prepared to tolerate them coming home with the sort of shaven barnets that would make them look like members of the National Front.

All my boys chose their own hairstyles. (youngest is 4 and oldest is 13) So far they haven't chosen anything outrageous, Ds2 prefers his as short as possible, so I do his and DS1's hair as he likes his shaved (about no.6) DS3, 4 & 5 go to the barbers and chose. DS5 has said he wants a mohican, but I'm hoping he will have forgotten by the time his hair needs cutting again - I'm not sure it's suitable for school (or for a lazy person like me)

I would be annoyed if someone got their haircut without asking me, but not horrendously. I'd be annoyed if a mum didn't know 7 year olds enough to know that "mum said it's ok" is something they say to everything! (mine are allowed to watch TV all day and eat as many biscuits as they like apparently!)

I guess I'm not very chilled with this, thinking about it. Blonde dd1 keeps saying she wants to dye her hair red, and I keep saying 'don't, it'll look bloody awful', although of course I couldn't stop her if she decided to. I've seen the app on her phone where you can change hair colour on a photo, though, and I'm definitely right!

"How old does a child have to be before they are old enough to decide for themselves that they want their hair cut?"

For me, any age they say so, whether that's 4 or 7 or 10. But if it's done at a friend's house, with no input from their own parent, you don't know if it was really the child's wish, or if they were egged on by their friend, or did it to please their friend's parent. If it goes from say waist length to short, that's a lot of growing back if they decide they don't like it, so I'd rather talk it through with them first.

Who on earth cuts a child's hair off without asking the parent? ..well we know who, your aquaintance, but anyway..I would be so annoyed if someone did this. Whether she wanted it done or not is beside the point, at Seven a parent should be asked. She might be prone to impulsive decisions that she later regrets, you could have had a really upset child wailing "my lovely long hair" all night. Certainly my dd who is seven might be carried away in a moment if a friend was doing something, and regret it later. My five year old has never had a haircut, she refuses, and I respect that, if she wants it shorter I will get it cut, but if someone did cut it without asking me I would be furious.

I still think it is not the fact of "Barnet autonomy" [love it] but the fact that it was done so sneakily.

I still maintain that 7 is quite old enough to make a decision like this and take the consequences.

And it's not Barnet Autonomy if you say they can have what they want but they have to discuss it with you first.

Barnet Autonomy? As long as it doesn't break school rules (and tbh I would avoid if possible a school with hair requirements) then whenever they take an interest.

I would attempt to dissuade ds from certain styles though. I'm wouldn't be keen on an 8yo of mine having a mohawk because it would look as if I was trying too hard. dp hated ds wearing band t-shirts at that age, which is similar I suppose.

Of course they have to discuss it with you first !!!! She is 7 I am obviously mad and a control freak but really Seeker I cannot believe you would not bat an eyelid if one of your children went to tea at 7 years old at a friends house and came back with a new hairstyle. At my age I like to discuss my hair style with DDs, Dh, friends etc.

So if dd1 comes home from a sleepover with red curls, I'm not going to get any sympathy on MN, am I?

You would have my sympathy TheOriginal but seriously I do not think my DDs would do it ?

.

No, mine neither, probably! Doesn't do to count chickens, though....!

I don't really know anyone who would allow total barnet autonomy at 7. There would be a lot more pink haired children and ones with scenes from Deadly 60 shaved onto their bonces. (Steve Backshall in hair form, I dare not suggest that to DD or she will be off to the local salon, clippers in hand.) I like small children to have simple hair and there are plenty of styles I wouldn't allow yet. They can have total hair autonomy when they can vote, and partial at about 14.

I'm a bit flabbergasted that;

1. She didn't speak to you about it, or even see you when she dropped your DD off.

2. She actually did it without asking.

3. There are folk that think what she did was ok.

Honestly?
As I said, I think ideally the mother should have checked, if only to protect herself from the Mumsnet lynch mob.

But if it was age appropriate, a good cut, and I was sure that the 7 year old concerned hadn't been coerced into it, I I might be disappointed and a bit hurt that said 7 yer old hadn't wanted to go into girly hairdressing huddles with me. But that would be my issue, which I would do my damndest to hide from her. And if she had told lies to the other mother about it, then I would be cross about the lies. But apart from that, I would be OK about it.