Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious about dd's hair cut?

481 replies

Hockacholic · 08/05/2012 10:22

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

OP posts:
RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 09/05/2012 13:17

Re barnet autonomy, whenever they like, so long as they're allowed to go to school like it.

ragged · 09/05/2012 13:20

I am really NOT following the Barnet Autonomy question.
However, I should like to contribute that when your 4yo wildly butchers their own hair as a fun game, you soon find there's only so much to control (or worry about) wrt hair, anyway.

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 09/05/2012 13:37

Ds is 9 next week & has had barber autonomy since he started school. He's tried to grow it a couple of times but gets pissed off with it as he washes and does his own hair. His preferred hair cut is a French Crop.

D0oinMeCleanin · 09/05/2012 13:57

Seeker, when they start asking for things wrt cuts or when they are a teenager wrt to perms, dyes etc excluding fun wash in wash out funky colours which are allowed now but only during half term/holidays.

So for dd1 pretty much as soon as she could talk. Dd2 is now 5 and still shows no interest in having any say about how her hair is bar hacking lumps of it off at every opportunity she gets Hmm

HillyWallaby · 09/05/2012 14:01

And it's not Barnet Autonomy if you say they can have what they want but they have to discuss it with you first.

No, but it's Partial Barnet Autonomy. That's an oxymoron isn't it? Ok then it's Barnet Democracy.

Seekr I am not disagreeing with anything you said at 13.11, except all you have done is say that you are not that bothered by it and then go on to give a great big list of all the reasons why, you are actually, a bit bothered by it! The same as the rest of us! Chiefly that the woman didn't bother to check with you first, on the Full or Partial Barnet Autonomy situation.

Confused blimey. Barnet Gate.

seeker · 09/05/2012 14:07

But in the case in question it was age appropriate, a good cut and the child was not coerced. So in my opinion fine.

I said I might feel disappointed and hurt, but that was nothing to do with the child. It would be my stuff, so to be kept to myself.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 09/05/2012 14:22

It could be worse. When DH was 18mo, his sister (4) decided to play hairdressers and cut his hair, except he was bald so she just cut the tip of his ear off instead..........it was sewn back on but he still has the scar

exoticfruits · 09/05/2012 16:16

I am astonished that she did it. But apart from that, the issue is that DD liked it and it is her hair. It seems to be one of those issues of parental expectation- OP has a DD and no doubt envisages long hair all through her childhood, instead of waiting to see what she gets - in this case a DD who doesn't want it. At 7 yrs old she is old enough to ask to have it chopped off, no doubt she will like the washing and brushing of it better.

exoticfruits · 09/05/2012 16:18

The way of doing it was unreasonable but the end result is fine.

AllPastYears · 09/05/2012 17:06

RichMan Shock

zukiecat · 09/05/2012 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PorkyandBess · 09/05/2012 17:46

I would be incandescent with rage.

How dare she do that without permission; she must be an idiot.

ragged · 09/05/2012 18:17

I don't think anybody thinks it was "okay"; just that it's unworthy of incandescent rage.
I would just feel (at worst) rather Hmm.
It's only hair.

Hopandaskip · 09/05/2012 18:39

there would be angry four letter words if it was my kid.

boohoohoo · 09/05/2012 18:46

Its not about the cutting of the hair, its that the parent was`nt asked first, my friends dd had very long hair and when she had it cut it was given to a specialist charity wig maker who makes wigs for woman with cancer. Doubt she would have been terribly pleased if someone had cut her dds hair without asking.

exoticfruits · 09/05/2012 20:39

I don't think that anyone thinks it is reasonable for her to cut it, however hard the DC begged. However if she begs her mother to have really short hair it is entirely unreasonable of the mother to make her have it long. At 7 yrs you know how you want your own hair.

Yeahthatsnotgonnahappen · 09/05/2012 20:51

Jeez I thought I was fairly chilled and laid back, but I actually spat tea at the computer at this. Sure its only hair and it will grow back and if my kid wanted his hair cut of course id do it. But some bloody woman doing it without checking?! I would be spitting feathers. She has a 7 yr old but she took her word for it that you agreed?! Not even a quick phonecall to check at the length you wanted? I'd be bloody pissed.

Argh actually wound up on your behalf.

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 09/05/2012 20:56

Catsmamma - I just snorted with laughter at the tattoo idea!

ThatVikRinA22 · 09/05/2012 21:18

ah well,. its done now OP and you have spoken to haircut mum, it was a daft thing to do but your DD must have wanted her hair cut fairly badly if she told haircut mum that you said it was ok....it maybe didnt occur to her to check? If my DD had wanted it chopped at 7 id have let her, i just think it was pretty bad form for the other mum not to check with you first, but i guess if its her job she probably gets lots of people having long hair lopped off and thinks nothing off it anymore.

fwiw, i dont think that hair ever grows back the same after its first chopped short do.

DD is 14, and while its always been regularly trimmed, she never wanted it cutting shorter, so while all her friends were busy getting bobs she kept her waist length blonde hair, and is now the absolute envy of all her friends, she has absolutely beautiful hair and while its styled, its still very long, i would be upset if she got it chopped, but she loves it long, though if she wanted it cut i would have to get over it!

TheFarSide · 09/05/2012 21:44

Whether the child wanted the haircut or the haircut looks better are red herrings. The issue here is that the other woman has broken an unwritten but powerful social rule: check with parents first before doing something that significantly affects their child. I would have been very annoyed.

Serendipity30 · 09/05/2012 21:47

get some balls, someone cuts your child's hair without your knowledge or permission and your too scared to say anything, get a grip OP. Hmm Hmm Hmm

Serendipity30 · 09/05/2012 21:52

Get a grip and some balls, then stand up for you child, it doesn't matter if your dd's happy about it your the parent duh. Where her fingers broken so she could not give you a quick call and ask you. Nobody likes confrontation but some situations call for you to have some gumption.

ThatVikRinA22 · 09/05/2012 21:55

errrm. she has spoken to the other mum. why do some people have to be so confrontational without even reading the OPs posts?

Tiddlyompompom · 09/05/2012 22:00

Thundercat that's a little rude, the OP has spoken to the hairchopper, who apologised. No need for her to get a grip of any kind, and no further balls required. All is OK.

Tiddlyompompom · 09/05/2012 22:01

Slow x-post, sorry Vicar! :)