Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious about dd's hair cut?

481 replies

Hockacholic · 08/05/2012 10:22

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

OP posts:
Kayano · 09/05/2012 04:12

hurt not burn

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 09/05/2012 04:43

OMG- this has to be the maddest thread I have ever seen on MN. Assault? Lawyers? It is hair. it will grow back and it probably now looks much better (bum length , never cut, 7 yr old hair is going to be pretty scraggy at the ends, right?).

So long as she did a decent job I'd be happy so long as the style wasnt going to get her booted out of school.

seeker · 09/05/2012 06:54

Two questions.

When is a child old enough to decide for herself whether or not she wants her own hair cut?
And

What is so very bad about salt and vinegar on (presumably) chips when out to lunch?

HillyWallaby · 09/05/2012 07:01

Shock Only on page 1 but I cannot BELIEVE this!!! Just un-fucking-believable.

soup you are so wrong on this one. At 14 years old I might agree with you but not at 7.

God, I'd be so furious, and frankly just bewildered by this woman. I can't even think about what should be done or said! I'm still ConfusedShock by it!

It's not even about the hair (personally I love short bobs on little girls and think very long hair can look scraggy and be impractical but that is SOOO not the point.) It's the bloody principle.

seeker · 09/05/2012 07:09

The principle that a 7 year old has no right to decide what she wants done with her hair?

exoticfruits · 09/05/2012 07:16

While I think that someone shouldn't cut a 7 year old's hair without asking the parent your DC likes it, which is all that matters. Would you have listened to her? By 7 years if they want it very short it is entirely up to them. I f you like long hair- grow your own.

HillyWallaby · 09/05/2012 07:26

No Seeker. If you were a strict vegetarian and your DD had never tasted meat in her life, and she asked her friend's mother to give her a big fat hamburger do you think it would be ok for the mother to go ahead without discussing it with you first?

What about you are a fervent aetheist and your DD asks her friend's mother to take her to one of her Jehovah's Witness meetings?

What about your 7 year old DD asks her friend's dad to let her ride pillion on the back of his massive motorbike down the M1?

What about your 7 year old daughter gets taken shopping by friend's mum and comes back with a mini lapdancer's outfit that she is highly delighted with, and wants to ear while she is out with you?

None of those things are illegal. They are all about freedom of choice. But it is good sense and good manners to discuss it with the parent of such a young child first.

HillyWallaby · 09/05/2012 07:28

And what if the 7 year old had asked the woman to shave her head into a Mohican and dye it blue? If we are saying it's the child's right to choose where do we stop with this?

HillyWallaby · 09/05/2012 07:30

I bet there have been days when your children have wanted 'the right to choose' not to do their homework, or their piano practice or whatever, Seeker. I bet you've made them do it though.

ragged · 09/05/2012 07:32

But she didn't ask for a blue mohawk (extreme religion/pole dancing/etc), she was offered & experienced something quite safe, age-appropriate & very conventional-mainstream.
And even if she had come home with blue spikes, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Very presumptuous, but quite fixable, too.

nooka · 09/05/2012 07:36

My dd had a sleep over with a friend of dh's when she was 7ish and came back with her hair cut. I was a bit taken aback because I didn't think a hair cut had been on the agenda (a makeover had been mentioned) but was a really excellent hair cut (shoulder length to a short bob) the only down side was that we couldn't take dd back to that hairdresser as she only spoke Spanish. I was a bit annoyed that she let her watch the Breakfast Club - not sure she had really taken in how young dd was (she is very tall).

I think at 7 a child should be allowed (within reason) to choose her own hair style.

HillyWallaby · 09/05/2012 07:39

Well all the other things are quite 'safe' depending on who you are asking!

It's the principle. Is she old enough to be able to choose anything for herself so long as it is not clearly dangerous or illegal, or should the mother's opinion be sought, at 7 years old? Personally I agree that the hair is not a big deal, but as the mother I'd like to be the one who decides what is and isn't a big deal, until my child is a bit older than 7!

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 09/05/2012 07:41

I think it's a good thing to encourage children to practice making decisions and living with the consequences in a safe environment. This is a great opportunity because the two outcomes are

  • DD likes her hair (win)
  • DD doesnt like her hair and realises she should have weighed it up better/ not made a split second decision or gone along with it to please her friend (valuable learning point- win)

But it's not a permanent decision and it had no real tangible downside so it doesnt really matter, and is therefore not on a par with some of the outlandish suggestions offered above.

HillyWallaby · 09/05/2012 07:42

And it's the cahnge of style that is the issue here. If it had been a light trim, no problem, but to completely change the style in any very obvious or drastic way is just not on, without permission/discussion at this age.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 09/05/2012 07:45

But Hilly, why does it matter? Within boundaries (i.e. acceptable to the school so no buzz cuts, no blue hair), hairstyle has no knock-on impact on life outcomes, which is where I think parents should focus their intervention

ie. child doesnt want to go to school/ do homework/wash. Tough
Child wants a bob.........um, I cant think of a single reason to object

soverylucky · 09/05/2012 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 09/05/2012 07:49

I reckon she e-bayed it. She probably kidnaps people off the street, drugs them and steals their hair. Your DD had a lucky escape. I would report her to the police, social services and the FBI

HillyWallaby · 09/05/2012 07:55

I agree 100% she should have the right to say she no longer wants long hair.

I agree 100% that under those circumstances the mother would be being unreasonable if she refused to allow her to have it cut.

I disagree that it is ok for another adult to go ahead with the wishes of a 7 year old, over something pretty non-reversible (for about 2 years) without at least checking with the mother first how she feels about it.

Aprt from anything else if she'd been a really shit hairdresser, the mother would have to fork out money to have it put right by someone else.

This is not about a child's right to choose her own hairsyle. It is about one woman making decisions/assumptions about someone else's child when she had no need, and no right. It's just bloody rude. And weird.

MakeHayAndSneeze · 09/05/2012 07:56

I haven't read the whole thread, but I'd be a little upset that I hadn't been asked. I would also ask her for the hair back, or what she has done with it - my neighbours daughter had her waist length hair cut to about mid back, and her plait could have been sold for (I think she said) about £300!!!!! Case for theft?

exoticfruits · 09/05/2012 08:23

There are too issues.

  1. You just don't go altering an appearance of a visiting DC- no argument there.
  2. The DC wants her hair shorter- it is her hair. She didn't want it dyed blue, ride pillion on a motor bike, ignore her homework, go to a Jehovah Witness meeting, etc etc- she merely wants her hair a bit shorter! She is not a Barbie doll for her mother to dress-she has her own ideas!
exoticfruits · 09/05/2012 08:24

I would ask for her hair-I have mine from when I was 10years.

iscream · 09/05/2012 08:25

I had to come back to read the rest of the thread. Ok, calling a lawyer would be over the top. But I'd still be furious, it was not that woman's decision to make, and if she had any sense at all, she would have had to hear from you, the parent, that it was ok.

I wouldn't mind my daughter having her hair cut short, but I would mind it being cut without my permission.

seeker · 09/05/2012 08:45

O qt what ate should a child be able to make a decision like this on her own?

This is a genuine question. Because I think a 7 year old should be able to give consent to a haircut.

What would have happened if she had taken herself to the hairdresser?

CeliaFate · 09/05/2012 08:54

It's done now. I doubt the woman kept the hair, or sold it or had any evil intentions - she made a mistake.

Either you remain friends and make it clear that any physical alteration has to be passed by you first, or you cut her out of your life because you think she's gone too far.
I would be furious, but there's no point going on and on about it.
Seeker - would a 7 year old take herself to the hairdresser? Or did you mean the mother of the other child taking her? Confused

Thumbwitch · 09/05/2012 09:02

Gosh. she's a bit silly to take the 7yo girls' word for it, she really should have phoned and checked with you first. I would have been hopping as well, tbh - but it will grow back.

I think it will be ok to let her play there again but you need to let the mum know that she must check with you rather than take either your or her own DD's word for anything in future. Maybe she's more relaxed about what happens to her DD - but it's a simple rule of thumb usually - "if I wouldn't like it if my DD came back with X done, then I need to check with the other mum before her DD has it done." Otherwise in 3 years time she could end up taking them both to have their ears pierced... Wink