To ask if you and your DH/DP have foreplay before PIV sex?

[Thistledew]

So many depressing comments come up on threads about women who have woken up to find their partner having sex with them to the effect that "well maybe he was confused, he could have thought you were happy to have sex with him whilst you were asleep/half asleep".

Do women who post these comments not see foreplay as part of having sex? For me and DP, sex always starts with kissing and even with the most passionate quicky, some sort of mutual squeezing/stroking/fondling of erogenous zones.

For me, there is no way that my DP could be confused as to whether I was consenting to sex or not. My lack of enthusiastic participation would be a real giveaway.

AIBU to think that there must be lots of women having pretty crap sex if they don't even expect kissing to start with?

Am I missing something or do some women have the ability to go from zero to turned on instantly? Or do you just have men with really small dicks so you don't need any sort of lubrication before they stick it in?

I completely agree. My concern is that many women are puting up with shit sex with men who don't give a toss about their enjoyment. As for those waking up to find their partner having sex with them, unless it is a previously agreed activity, I am very saddened by the number of women living with rapists.

It's difficult to analyse other people's sex lives, tbf.

This is probably one for the feminist board.

What's PIV sex? Probably being stupid but its late

Penis In Vagina.

Ah thank you I knew it would be obvious but my brain has stopped working

I'm Glad club mental has moved to a smaller place - but a) there are DEFINITELY women who go from pretty much zero physical activity to turned on - I am one of them.. I can get really turned on from thinking about sex - Less so now than when I was younger, getting my clothes off and getting in bed with a man used to make me wet in itself. Sorry if that annoys slower burners, but its true.
b) Yes there are lots of women having crap sex
c) Why is the story different if the 'sex' referred to isn't penetrative but oral or digital?

d) lack of enthusiastic participation is a give-away, but I can say with certainty that enthusiastic participation CAN HAPPEN when you are asleep.
e) what's the 'small dick' reference?- this is just an attempt at a minimising insult isn't it..

A very good evening to F4J

I am the same as betty. Adding the 'small dicks' comment makes your op look childish. Why is there a need for am insult? Many women enjoy being woken this way, that's up to them. Yes some don't, that is worrying. But sounds like you just want an excuse to insult men.

Why are you interested in other peoples sex lives?

For me and DH is varies (spice of life after all)

Sometimes there is hours of foreplay, sometimes a bit and occasionally (mainly in the mornings or when he is asleep) none. And sometimes the "none" can be a turn on in itself.

As for the size of his penis - what a silly, chidish comment. At least you didn't ask if the women had bucket-like fanjos or something but its the same level of purile offensiveness.

If women are putting up with crap sex that's rather a different issue

When I said 'that is worrying' I meant if the situation of a woman not being happy about it and a man doing it anyway. Not that it was worrying that some women don't like it.

I didn't mean you DPrince - sorry if it sounded like it. I meant the OP.

Your post made perfect sense and I agree with you

Um, this is not a topic for a Sunday morning.

Worried- thinking about sex and getting turned on isn't going from zero to turned on. I am talking about being asleep or thinking about something else and suddenly having a penis or fingers shoved inside of you without even having a moment to say "yes please". I find it incredible that there are realistically a significant number of women who would a) not find it very uncomfortable and b) instantly be turned on and wanting sex.

I'm sure that someone will now post and tell me that this is exactly how they get turned on, but I bet it won't be the majority of posters.

I also bet that some people will post and say that initially it is uncomfortable and they don't enjoy it, but it is ok after a while.

I challenge those women to think carefully about whether sex they are not enjoying and which is uncomfortable, even for a few moments, comes under the 'good sex' or 'crap sex' banner.

If you had a choice about never having sex like that again - only ever having sex that was enjoyable and comfortable all the way through- would you really choose to continue having uncomfortable sex?

Yup - I would chose to occassionally have "uncomfortable" sex as you call it

Is that ok with you?

Catgirl sorry (again :) ) it wasn't aimed at you I just read my post back and wanted to clarify what meant. Glad the original was clear, just wanted to avoid a flamming :).

OP, I agree with you. Maybe there are women who love this type of sex, but the nature of the threads you mention surely show that the women starting them DO NOT enjoy this type of sex.

Also I found the comment about 'slower burners' finding it insulting or whatever odd and patronising.

Lol at the outrage over the small dicks comment. . . On mumsnet, have we turned into prudes all of a sudden?
OP, for me quite a lot of foreplay is involved and I would be pretty fucking upset if my DH started having sex with me when I'm asleep but according to these very defensive people here, we are unusual!

I'm not saying you are unusual mrsr. I am just not very interested in anyone elses sex life. Seems an odd thing to start a thread about really.

Catgirl - do you enjoy it? Does it turn you on? Would you actively seek it out by telling your partner that you like it?

If so, that is fine with me.

If you think it is an odd thread, why post on it?

Careful everyone. This could be the hot topic on The Wright Stuff next week.

no one said you were unusual and yes the threads are usually started by someone who doesn't enjoy it. That doesn't mean some women don't. I do so does dh. We are in a loving, trusting relationship and I initiate it myself as well as dh. Usually when I am half a sleep and woken from an x rated dream. To suggest that this means the sex is crap is ridiculous.
Regarding the small dick comment. Its not about being prudish, it was put in the op as an insult. Which some of you seems to think is ok. Its childish and was not needed.

I posted because it struck me as odd. There is no reason why someone wouldn't post on a thread just because they find it odd.

In answer to your questions, yes, yes and yes.

I think that in automatically equating "comfortable" with "enjoyable" you are only really looking at things from you own view point (understandable) and missing that fact that for some people "uncomfortable" can mean "enjoyable" too.

My dh is fully aware I am happy and enjoy it.

Variety is the spice of life.

Personally I need some foreplay, I can't go from 0-60 in ten seconds.

Isn't everyone different though.