To ask if you and your DH/DP have foreplay before PIV sex?

[Thistledew]

So many depressing comments come up on threads about women who have woken up to find their partner having sex with them to the effect that "well maybe he was confused, he could have thought you were happy to have sex with him whilst you were asleep/half asleep".

Do women who post these comments not see foreplay as part of having sex? For me and DP, sex always starts with kissing and even with the most passionate quicky, some sort of mutual squeezing/stroking/fondling of erogenous zones.

For me, there is no way that my DP could be confused as to whether I was consenting to sex or not. My lack of enthusiastic participation would be a real giveaway.

AIBU to think that there must be lots of women having pretty crap sex if they don't even expect kissing to start with?

Am I missing something or do some women have the ability to go from zero to turned on instantly? Or do you just have men with really small dicks so you don't need any sort of lubrication before they stick it in?

sooo its not just my DH that likes to sleep fuck!! i hate him doing it tbh i wake up and we are in the middle of intercourse... it freaks me out! i know thats not what you asked but i now feel happier that im not alone. when we are both awake an we have sex there is always foreplay.. it just doesnt work otherwise

I can't imagine getting any pleasure at all from wearing one of those latex gimpy suit things. They look uncomfortable to me and I would not enjoy sex that involved one.

However, I would not start a thread suggesting that everyone who had sex using one must be having crap sex.

That would be taking my own views on sex and trying to extrapolate them to fit everyone else. It would be making the assumption that if something was not enjoyable for me then that meant it wasn't enjoyable full stop. It is a rather egocentric view of the world.

If people are being forced to have sex using them then that of course is another matter. But where people choose to, it would be rather insulting and odd to insist that they cannot be enjoying it simply because I would not enjoy it.

That is what this thread feels like.

DH and I quite often wake each other with sex/oral but this is on the understanding that we both enjoy it and if one of us isn't up for it due to being really tired or something, (which does happen) the other doesn't get offended if one says no.

If one of us was doing it without the other's enjoyment/agreement then that would be a problem.

I'm another who doesn't need much foreplay to get "in the mood" but it still features quite a lot. Less so now we have children and time is short but on the occasions we are child free and have time to relax we sometimes have foreplay without piv too. I don't necessarily think sex with no foreplay beforehand equals shit sex. I find the urgency quite exciting. If I found it uncomfortable or wasn't enjoying it, DH would stop because he wouldn't want to have sex with someone who didn't want it.

I find this post quite odd as it mixes up a variety of things.

1. I don't like foreplay, it's really boring, I like PIV straight-away sex where I manage to orgasm easily and quickly multiple times and then get totally bored if my partner continues for too long. There you go, people are different.
2. The small penis comment did sound very disparaging. In my (admittedly not statistically relevant) experience men and women come in all sizes, the trick is to adjust to the situation.
3. Having sex with someone who is asleep can be abusive and then again not, depends on the situation you can't generalise.

Yes, we do.

We also touch each other while we're sleeping.

c) Why is the story different if the 'sex' referred to isn't penetrative but oral or digital?

Um, because that is foreplay?!

I don't think the OP specifically means quick, frantic, wham-bam foreplay-less sex = shit sex.

I think she means that having sex with an unconscious person is a bit questionable unless it's something that's been discussed and is part of your boudoir repertoire, so to speak.

Not sure why everyone is quite so defensive...

The op said
'do women who post these comments not see foreplay as part of having sex? For me and DP, sex always starts with kissing and even with the most passionate quicky, some sort of mutual squeezing/stroking/fondling of erogenous zones
and AIBU to think that there must be lots of women having pretty crap sex if they don't even expect kissing to start with?
Yes she is being unreasonable, because sex without kissing does not equal shit sex for all women on all occasions. i don't think anyone is being defensive, my mind just boggles at the 'i/ alot of women don't enjoy it so no one should' attitude.

So yes she did say that. She expects sex go start with kissing so it should for everyone, anything else is shit sex.

I'm also a fan of minimum foreplay. We love our quickies in this house! And yes, it can actually get boring if it goes on for too long.

Hurray for thread, I'm so glad to learn it's not just me : )

In fairness though, we would both be awake and aware of what was going on. Anything else would result in words being had. Loudly.

If it's been a few days without sex, we'll start to get really touchy-feely with each other when we can during the day and it's a tease that leads to explosive sex! Sometime it can go on for days!

That said, I have nothing against a quickie either! I do not mind going upstairs to fold clothes only to end up being thrown on top of them!Spontanious is kinky too!

We usually do foreplay until i orgasm first as personally i think piv feels much better after i have already orgasmed but whatever floats your boat.

Funny thing to be reading on a Sunday morning especially after I have just told my dp how disappointed I was that I was not awoken by him inside me! We had part one last night and I was expecting part two this morning.. However saying that he is sat watching porn so I guess part two is on the way.

'I do not mind going upstairs to fold clothes only to end up being thrown on top of them!'

[smiley] this sums it up so much more succinctly than I ever could. If there is trust between you, an unexpected beign flung over the chair can be fantastic sometimes. Nothing worse than hours of feathery stroking when you just want ahem.. a damn good rogering.

at feathery stroking. Love that phrase - good old MK

nemmynem

There's a word for what your 'D' H is doing to you. You don't have to put up with it.

I usually need quite a lot of foreplay (don't like that word personally, it implies that PIV is always the main event) but occasionally am in the mood for a spontaneous quickie with no preliminaries. I don't think that's really what this thread is about though.

Waking up to find my partner already penetrating me would feel like a horrible violation no matter what size his dick was. If that's something you enjoy then great, there's no problem, but if you or your partner are going to do something that is so potentially abusive and illegal, you'd better have had a proper discussion about it first.

Nemmy, I'm sorry but if you say you don't like it then he's raping you.

I think there's a lot of disengenuity and yes, defensiveness, about what the OP is really getting at with this thread.

Just read the OP, so sorry if its moved on.

I too have noticed the sex while asleep threads and i have given it some thought and come to absolutely no conclusion whatsoever.

In THEORY, i find the idea quite erotic although in reality i suspect he would end up with a knee somewhere he doesn't want it. I don't object to be GENTLY woken up with some stroking etc. saying that im a light sleeper so the chances of him being able to accomplish that manouvre are slight to say the least.

I do however like to wake him up, excuse the TMI, with a BJ or standing over him naked - it makes him VERY horny.

"Do women who post these not see foreplay as part of sex" well the only threads i have read about that on here have been from women with abusive partners so i should imagine the lack of foreplay is not the reason for posting.

As for foreplay in our relationship - i tend to initiate, it does tend to be me who does the foreplay DP can be a bit lazy about it, but then time is an issue, we like to have a quickie in the morning and sometimes at night, and I don't like to be, umm, fiddled with, unless he is going to finish he job and i can take hours to cum lke that. Sometimes we do just do it, no foreplay at all. However if there was never foreplay id be pissed off.

Also, i dont consider kissing etc foreplay, that is just nice and i like that lots

just to add, he does it while he is also asleep, its not like he waits for me to fall asleep then pounces on me lol.

he does it while HE is asleep? are you sure?? :)

Is this another man-bashing thread? Or woman-bashing thread?

If you're not having plentiful orgasms then your man is a selfish fuckwit, dispense with him immediately. Or maybe discuss his inadequacy with him, that might work. I'm sure I'd appreciate it if my DH told me I didn't turn him on enough and I was doing it wrong, that I was a selfish bed partner.

Or maybe this thread is intended to create even more dissatisfaction for women (as if social expectations didn't make us dissatisfied enough), our lives would be sooooo much better if only we were having the kind of idealised sex portrayed on screen etc..

I do love the term PIV, without it I would be all confused as to what goes where.

If he's genuinely asleep when this happens , he needs to take responsibility for his problem. If he can't guarantee your safety when he's in bed with you he should be sleeping elsewhere.

Nemmy if you are happy in your situation, the very least I would suggest to you is pyjamas.

And in answer to the OP, sometimes. Sometimes not. Foreplay might just mean I move myself a half-inch towards him in the bed. That enough for you?

Only the woman involved in each experience can tell you if she is happy with it or not. I don't think it is helpful to anyone to make generalisations. In all of the scenarios where someone posts about sleep sex you have to ask how did they feel about it?

I vary, sometimes poor dh isn't ready and I'm gagging and want it right away with out build up. Other times, long foreplay is just so nice before the finishing of it. Other times it's a bit of foreplay and inside...

Just depends on what takes my fancy or dh's at the time.

I don't think I could bring myself to sleep with anyone who used the term Penis In Vagina sex. With or without foreplay.