Am I being unreasonable telling my 17yr old daughter not to date a boy who was once a girl?

[Worcsmumoftwo]

My 17 year old has been seeing her first boyfriend, he is 23, and has confided in her that he was born a girl, she has sworn me and her best friend to secrecy but wants to make a go of things - I am really not comfortable with the situation and even asked her if maybe she felt she was gay and that was fine, but she denies this - advice please.

I disagree with a lot of what is in that link especially the part about 'men hating'. I don't like anything that assumes anything about an entire group. But then I wouldn't say I am a radical feminist. I just believe that all people are equal and deserve respect.

Notsaying you have to agree, just responding to your comment about how you didn't understand why feminists would think this. So the link was just to explain the position. The blog I linked to is a very radican feminist blog, so some feminists might explain their position differently. But I couldn't quickly find any other links and I didn't want to totally derail the thraed by explaining my beliefs

Sorry I wasn't suggesting you wanted me to agree. I was just commenting on it on general.

Why not start a thread in feminism and we can discuss it there if you want?

Is that the equivalent to 'taking it outside' EatsBrains?

Do you want me to hold your coats?

:o Hahahahahaha agentzigzag I almost spat out my juice laughing.

No just trying not to derail OP's thread.

The transgender/genderqueer groups don't want any research down that does not start with the position that they are wired as the opposite sex from birth and the feminists start from the postion that it's the bits that decides how you are wired after all.

OP, I have a sister who is transgender, we're very close. Without going into masses of detail on a public forum, I'm happy for you to PM me if you have any questions or think I can help.

What has it got to do with you? What difference does make to you if this person identifies as male? It does not mean your daughter is gay or bisexual. This person is a lot older however, that might be slightly worrying but it depends on the individuals.

"What has it got to do with you? What difference does make to you if this person identifies as male?"

Of, ffs. Just think for two and a half seconds. Then answer your own question.

I had a teenage daughter. Now I have a teenage son. He started living in the male role over a year ago. He hopes to start transition before the age of 18. Before he came out as Trans if I had been in the position of the OP I would have been concerned primarily about the age of the boyfriend, not his gender. However I could not say I would not have been worried about the trans issue because in my ignorance I would most certainly have worried, until I researched the subject that is. Knowledge is the key in all things, we are often scared of the unknown. 18 months ago I knew nothing about Trans people. Now I believe it is wrong that secondary schools do not cover the "T" in "LGBT" in the PSHE classes, just as they cover LGB.

My son does not shout his status from the rooftops as he wants to be treated like any other teenage boy; but he knows that if he was involved in a relationship he should not keep quiet about it.

Oh, and gender is completely separate from sexuality. My son has two friends who are trans-men in a same sex relationship. Additionally those who transition can find they are attracted to a different sex than pre-transition.

I can never believe how brilliantly reductive that so-called feminist (anti-trans) attitude is. Do they really believe the thought process is as simple as: I'm a boy - but I like pink - girls like pink - so I must be a girl!

Lots of people identify as different scales of masculine and feminine: both sexes and all sexualities. Most have some of both. But to feel that you have been born into the wrong body - now that goes deeper and comes from a different place.

In my (feminist) eyes, it's totally unfeminist to reject someone's sense of self that way. Surely the aim is for everyone to respect who they are and find their own place in the world?

To the OP: of course it would make you worry. I've not yet had my first child and I can already feel protective over it in a million different ways. But, like with any other relationship that's hard to understand, acceptance, support and love is the only way forward.

I guess it depends what you think a male and female is if it is not a biological reality. How can you be born into the wrong body if male or female does not mean something more than your biological body. And I think male and female sex is your biological body. Gender is the socail construct of what is male or female ie. how men and women are suppoxsed to act/be

I guess that rad fem position also depends on whether or not you believe the body is everything, i.e. you have no belief in a soul/ethereal body outside of the corporeal one.

Thumbwitch - No I don't believe in a soul. But I have started a thread in feminism on this as i think that is the place to discuss it. Join us if you are interested

thumbwitch I guess that rad fem position also depends on whether or not you believe the body is everything, i.e. you have no belief in a soul/ethereal body outside of the corporeal one.

What has woo woo got to do with not being prejudice against a genderqueer, gender confused or LGBT person?

yabu and v. narrowminded imo

Because if you believe that the body and soul are separate entities then it's easier to understand how you might have incompatibility there, in my view.

Not relevant here though anyway - as Eatsbrains has started her own thread - take it there to discuss if you wish.