Am I being unreasonable telling my 17yr old daughter not to date a boy who was once a girl?

[Worcsmumoftwo]

My 17 year old has been seeing her first boyfriend, he is 23, and has confided in her that he was born a girl, she has sworn me and her best friend to secrecy but wants to make a go of things - I am really not comfortable with the situation and even asked her if maybe she felt she was gay and that was fine, but she denies this - advice please.

masses, of course. but the good thing is that she will be somewhat within her rights at least to ask these sorts of questions and expect an answer. whereas with any old tom, dick or harry she'd just have to wait until her dd's heart got broken. (ie, the traditional way).

yy that's very true aitch. My heart is in my mouth already for my DD and she is only 5.

re your 'sworn to secrecy' point, btw, i'm also thinking that it's a good sign that her dd didn't include the OP in that, iykwim? that's a real positive for their relationship, i'd hope.

Yes that must be a sign of DD's trust in the OP I'd hope.

I shouldn't be on this thread - I know nothing about this but OP I do wish you and your DD all the best.

likewise.

'I would have thought a person who had been through (and may still be going through) gender dysphoria dating a person who has just been through anorexia, and is therefore in a much more vulnerable position are going to have a range of viewpoints about the human body that may not be very helpful in overcoming anorexia.'

Or the relationship could be the gateway to two people who have experience of each others vulnerabilities, spending time with another person who understands what they're going through at a time when they don't feel other people do.

Could make them feel less isolated.

Bloody hell, if I only went on threads where I could be sure of what I was talking about, I'd never post again

I would be more unhappy about my daughter dating a female to male transexual than I would about her dating a lesbian. I think it's because as a feminist I don't believe women can become men any more than men can become women by chopping their penises off. There are a few people with congenital problems than mean they are born intersex or of indeterminate sex, but most transexuals are genetically and physically their original birth gender and for psychological reasons aren't happy to be homosexual but feel they have to be the opposite sex to be truely happy.
You can't really "change sex" you just have surgery and take hormones. You remain the same person and I think it's sad these people can't express their personality and sexuality without the mutilating surgery.
I am a fairly masculine woman in many ways, but can never "be" a man. I have 2 x chromosomes and am a woman.
I think in 21st century Britain it should be possible to express your sexuality and ersonality without pretending to change gender.

Good point AgentZigZag - it would be far easier for them to empathise with one another, than it would with someone who hasn't had the types of experiences these two have had.

Regarding the age difference, I think it really depends on the individual - when I was 14/15 I had a boyfriend who was 20/21 and he was the best first boyfriend I could have hoped for because he was older. It meant that he was far more mature than boys my own age, and therefore much more respectful of me. We're still friends, which is more than I can say of the 23 year old boyfriend I had when I was 17!

'There are a few people with congenital problems than mean they are born intersex or of indeterminate sex'

I've never come across the feminist idea about not accepting that men can become women before, and was a bit surprised when someone mentioned it further up the thread.

Where do people with congential problems fit into that theory (if it is a theory) do you think 2rebecca? Or is it only about straight 'swaps' and doesn't factor those starting out as either/neither at all?

It's not a feminist theory, it's a radical feminist piece of ideology, which, like much other radfem political dogma, fails to recognise that scientific knowledge has advanced over the last 40 years or so.

IMVHO, of course. And speaking as an old-fashioned, non-rad feminist.

Fwiw I think its wonderful a 17yo is mature enough not to run away at this 'revelation' good luck to her.

To the poster who's said it will be over before this thread, I met my dp at 17, were still together and have 2 children and one on the way. And very happy.

Hehe, thanks OldLady.

You make it all sound so clear cut, which of course radical feminism would like it to be is

I personally think the age gap is more of a concern than anything else. 23 is a long way from 17. All I can suggest is try to get to know him as best you can. Good luck with it all.

formsquare, yes one of my close friends is trans, why?

Oxfordbags (autopsies on transsexuals show that they have the brains and brain chemistry of the sex they always believed themselves to be)

Do you think that a sample of 6 was large enough to prove anything whatsoever?

I do know of a 'woman' who dressed as a 'woman' acted as a 'woman' expected to be, and was treated as a 'woman' including time off for what she called 'womans' trouble once a month and she even had her bits rearranged to appear as a 'woman'. But let me tell me you at 36,000 feet in the dead of night over the mid atlantic 'she' still farted like a man!

I don't get what being a feminist has to do with not agreeing you can change gender. I genuinely don't.

I'd leave it. Marrying your first partner is pretty rare and at least you won't have teen pregnancy to worry about (I'm assuming; not entirely down on the end result of a gender reassignment).

" But let me tell me you at 36,000 feet in the dead of night over the mid atlantic 'she' still farted like a man!"

So true. A real woman never farts!

Novack - Although it isn't relevant to the OP questions, the autopsy research has been heavily questioned and imo shown to be wrong. The effect on the brains was caused by the hormone therapy these transexuals were taking. I am not going to derail the thread by writing more about this, so I have posted a link that tells you more

biologicaltheoriestrans.wordpress.com/

God almighty. Can I just say that as a feminist I totally believe that you can change gender. I don't use quotation marks when referring to people's chosen gender. And I fart when and how I want, including in a plane over the mid-Atlantic!

(I think gender is fluid; sex is based in biology but is more complicated than just being about your genitals.)

2rebecca How does your theory explain a trans male (F > M) who is gay? As in, he is now a man who has a boyfriend. Clearly not just trying to express lesbianism..

DPrince - Below is a link to a post on a blog that explains the position of some feminists around transgender/transexualism and why accepting someone's self chosen sex is an anti feminist position imo to take

rageagainstthemanchine.com/2012/01/16/the-third-and-probably-last-trans-post-of-my-life/