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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think DP is being an arse?

222 replies

revolutionconfirmed · 05/05/2012 16:19

We both quit smoking yesterday due to financial concerns and health concerns as we have two young children. He quit cold turkey and is doing fine. I was on 40+ rollies a day and am finding it difficult so I'm using Nicorette patches and the inhaler.

DP tells me he doesn't support me and that I'm weak. He says how can we afford to buy inhaler cartridges and patches if we can't afford to smoke. I say it's less than half what we usually spend on tobacco and if it helps me stay off them it's worth it. He's now in a great big mood telling me I'm weak and stupid and he won't support me because I may as well go out and buy tobacco for the amount I'll spend on replacements and that in his mind I'm still smoking.

DP has no job. I support him and I've bought all the tobacco knowing that we couldn't afford it for two years. Now it's come to a head and I've decided we have to stop for various reasons and he's yelling about it. He wants to quit too and says he has no side effects because he's not weak but is blastering on about money when if I bought tobacco knowing we couldn't afford it he'd happily smoke that and tell me to give up coffee or something else.

I'm feeling so unsupported. He said he won't congratulate someone so weak on two days 'clean' or three days. I think twenty one hours without a cigarette is a damn good feat for someone who hasn't gone more than a waking hour without one in seven years, patch or no patch.

AIBU to tell him to support me or fuck off?

OP posts:
standupcomedy · 12/05/2012 09:33

Whatever you do, don't listen to the 'I'll just have one' devil!! See him for what he is, and stomp on him, and squish him underfoot.

You're a non-smoker now. Stay strong!

revolutionconfirmed · 12/05/2012 09:38

I'm not giving in to the just one demon. That's a slippery slope. I have an addictive personality so just one is never just one. It's all or nothing here and I'd rather it be nothing. I have been very tempted but have stuck to sucling violently on the inhalator. I hope the next week will be easier.

OP posts:
AmazingBouncingFerret · 12/05/2012 09:44

Well done OP, you are doing really well.

I'm on Day 28. I've got to the point where I don't even think about them during the day now.

Still get a little bit wobbly in the evening once the children are in bed but I cure it with a couple of puffs on my E cigarette.

MooBaaWoofCheep · 12/05/2012 09:46

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revolutionconfirmed · 12/05/2012 11:23

Yay, two quitters! :o. I'm glad others are in the same boat around the same time. I can't wait to get as close to a month as you two. I'm going to have to go cold turkey once I've used my stash of NRT's as I can't afford more (maybe a few cartridges from ebay but that's it). How did you find week 2?

I'm very impressed Moo, especially as your DH still smokes!

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MooBaaWoofCheep · 12/05/2012 11:32

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dadsgirlfriend · 12/05/2012 12:46

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dadsgirlfriend · 12/05/2012 12:47

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revolutionconfirmed · 12/05/2012 12:48

I've surprised myself at how 'easy' this has been. I've heard stories from family and friends about not being able to walk down the street or even get out of bed because the cravings were so bad and how it was the most difficult thing ever so they just started smoking again.i can't help but think how lucky I am not to have been that bad.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/05/2012 13:02

Well done to the quitters, I'm really impressed.

I can't imagine being an ex-smoker living with someone still smoking though Shock

LadyBeagleEyes · 12/05/2012 13:09

I've said already I'm a failed ex smoker, but for what it's worth, don't target it by weeks, just take it day by day.
I managed 18 months and TBH, it wasn't that hard after the first couple of weeks.
I do admit to have enjoyed breathing in other people's smoke while they were were walking down the street, though you will notice how unpleasant the smell of stale smoke is.
I also know that when I'm ready I know that I can do it again.
Just don't think you can ever just have one, or even a puff.
That's how addictive it is.

Jux · 12/05/2012 17:32

I have a friend who went cold turkey 20 years ago. For a long time no one knew she'd stopped, and she would be offered cigarettes as a matter of course along with all the other smokers in the group. She would just say "not right now thanks". Eventually people began to notice that they hadn't seen her have one for rather a long time...... She never said she'd given up, but once we began to notice, she would say she hadn't had her next one yet.

You're doing so well; congratulations!

MooBaaWoofCheep · 12/05/2012 21:06

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sparkina · 12/05/2012 21:47

YANBU tell him to fuck off and get a job end of!!!!!! x

revolutionconfirmed · 12/05/2012 22:01

Good luck Moo. Not brave enough for that yet. Avoiding seeing my chain smoking sister for a week or two more too :(

OP posts:
MooBaaWoofCheep · 12/05/2012 22:03

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revolutionconfirmed · 13/05/2012 01:28

Hope you had a good smoke free night!

OP posts:
gypsyfloss · 14/05/2012 17:21

How's it going Revolution?

revolutionconfirmed · 15/05/2012 17:09

It's going well. I'm thinking about cigarettes and smoking a lot but I'm coping and abstaining. It's 11 days today (I think) and I'm just concentrating on making it to Friday and the 14th day!

I'm still using the inhalator but only one cartridge per day and I don't feel the need to hold it/suck it as much now. Probably three hours a day broken up into segments (but the evenings are pretty much non stop holding and in my mouth tonguing the end). Progress is progress.

OP posts:
gypsyfloss · 15/05/2012 17:58

Well done :) It's ok to think about smoking and then just let the thoughts go away. You don't have to act on them or worry about them; it's all part of stopping and staying stopped.

Did you think any more about a bit of support from a smoking cessation service?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/05/2012 18:18

Well done for making it so far.

I gave up a very long time ago (not a particularly heavy smoker). I just gave up the next cigarette. It suited me not to look too far ahead but just decided when the craving came not to smoke that cigarette.

There will be a lot of pyschological associations too. Maybe vary your routine a bit. So if you usually had a cigarette and a coffee then a shower in the morning go straight into the shower so you eliminate that "smoking window" from your day.

I did find that I had to stand with my back to the fag machine in the pub for quite a while, as long as I couldn't see them I didn't want to buy them. I associated drinking and smoking as activities.

MooBaaWoofCheep · 15/05/2012 19:09

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revolutionconfirmed · 16/05/2012 15:51

Well done for resisting temptation! I've not had any alcohol and I probably won't until this time next month to celebrate my daughter's birthday so I'm interested to see how that pans out as I'm a chain smoker when I drink. 12 days today!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 16/05/2012 16:49

12 days, you are fab. Remember, there are lots of us here in t'interweb rooting for you.

gypsyfloss · 16/05/2012 22:19

Yay to Moo a sober smoke free night out and to Rev too for 12 days :)