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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think DP is being an arse?

222 replies

revolutionconfirmed · 05/05/2012 16:19

We both quit smoking yesterday due to financial concerns and health concerns as we have two young children. He quit cold turkey and is doing fine. I was on 40+ rollies a day and am finding it difficult so I'm using Nicorette patches and the inhaler.

DP tells me he doesn't support me and that I'm weak. He says how can we afford to buy inhaler cartridges and patches if we can't afford to smoke. I say it's less than half what we usually spend on tobacco and if it helps me stay off them it's worth it. He's now in a great big mood telling me I'm weak and stupid and he won't support me because I may as well go out and buy tobacco for the amount I'll spend on replacements and that in his mind I'm still smoking.

DP has no job. I support him and I've bought all the tobacco knowing that we couldn't afford it for two years. Now it's come to a head and I've decided we have to stop for various reasons and he's yelling about it. He wants to quit too and says he has no side effects because he's not weak but is blastering on about money when if I bought tobacco knowing we couldn't afford it he'd happily smoke that and tell me to give up coffee or something else.

I'm feeling so unsupported. He said he won't congratulate someone so weak on two days 'clean' or three days. I think twenty one hours without a cigarette is a damn good feat for someone who hasn't gone more than a waking hour without one in seven years, patch or no patch.

AIBU to tell him to support me or fuck off?

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 09/05/2012 14:27

Day five ... woo hoo! Well done you!

HermanMumster · 09/05/2012 14:33

Keep going! I'm really impressed.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/05/2012 14:50

Go Revolution go!

revolutionconfirmed · 09/05/2012 15:36

I'm sticking to it! I just volunteered at DD's nursery for three hours. If anything would have me reaching for a cigarette it would be that! I'm still going strong on my inhalator and lozenges and find I'm using both less and less every day. I guess at the moment they are still smoking paraphanalia to me and are helping but I hope soon to be using the inhalator with no cartridge at all.

I've found myself with no bloody money again this week though. After I draw the £55 out for a bill I have £0 until next Tuesday. Not great but I hope to reap the rewards soon!

OP posts:
SuchProspects · 09/05/2012 15:56

Go revolution! Grin

fizzwhirl · 10/05/2012 08:28

You're doing brilliantly OP! You've shown that you really can do it, and you should be very proud of yourself for sticking to it. As you say, it will be really worth it in the end!

Thinking of you, and wishing you well.

revolutionconfirmed · 10/05/2012 14:04

Ugh. Day six is difficult. I had a dream about smoking a cigarette. It was so good!

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 10/05/2012 14:34

Nearly a week OP, you'd be soooo pissed of if you gave in now, you're over the worst.

peacefuleasyfeeling · 10/05/2012 15:33

Just checking in to see how you're doing, well done you! You are doing something amazing for yourself, a major lifetime achievement which you will be able to look back on with pride and gratitude in years to come xxx

nothingsoextraordinary · 10/05/2012 15:42

you'll laugh about this one day...

fizzwhirl · 10/05/2012 16:01

It is really difficult. You're doing really well!

Think of all the money you're saving, and will continue to save every day that you're a non-smoker. You mentioned driving lessons - imagine yourself getting in that car, and how great it will feel.

And you're showing your DP that you're stronger than him Grin.

Seriously, though - both your DP (once he's got over his own withdrawal symptoms!) and your kids (once they're old enough to understand what you've achieved) will be SO proud of you! Imagine your kids telling their school friends 'No - my mum doesn't smoke'.

You can do it Smile

revolutionconfirmed · 10/05/2012 18:00

I'll look back at this and think it was so easy but right now it feels so difficult. I'm not giving up no matter how weak I feel. I've finally sent off for my license after seven years of not bothering and that first lesson in the car is my big goal. Hooefully I'll have my first lesson by the end of the.month.

OP posts:
gypsyfloss · 10/05/2012 19:10

One day you'll wake up having had a smoking dream and think "Oh God I'm so glad that wasn't real. I'd have to start giving up all over again" :)

You are doing very well indeed. Keep it going. It's something to be very proud of.

revolutionconfirmed · 11/05/2012 01:29

That's true gypsyfloss. If I fell off the wagon now I think it would be ten times more difficult to get over the sense of failure and get back on. I'm up to a week today and if I had to go back to day one it would make me feel awful.

DP hasn't smoked either. I'm very proud of him and we're getting on a bit better. We're both trying to keep busy and keep out of each others way as best we can because we're both a little volatile but not as bad as we were.

OP posts:
maras2 · 11/05/2012 01:58

Revolution.You are absolutely fab.Your DP sounds to be a bit better than in your OP.I hope so anyway.I quit 4 years ago after 40 years of chuffing down between 10 to twenty a day.I was so arsey in the first 2 months as I loved smoking and begrudged stopping.Sometimes I dream that I've cadged a ciggie from someone and am so upset that I wake up in tears,but as soon as I realise that it's just a dream,a lovely feeling of calm comes over me as I reflect on how much nicer I smell in the morning so don't mind waking DP for some early morning loving.Also I've saved the equivalent amount of money that we paid for our first house,so that's a bit of an aphrodisiac too.Win win situation I think.Best wishes to you both. Mx.

dondon33 · 11/05/2012 07:52

Day 7 woohoo :) well done RC, you are fab. You've done so well to get this far, and I'm glad to hear dp is being a bit better now. Keep up the good work xx

SuchProspects · 11/05/2012 09:38

A week! That's great Revolution. It must be really hard going just now, you're incredible!

RevoltingPeasant · 11/05/2012 11:21

Hi OP - just wanted to say how strong you are! Keep going!

My mum's parents both smoked and died of it. She told me once how her dad - he had mouth cancer - lost control of himself at the dinner table and just started drooling. She was 11 and it was so terrifying. But your children will never see anything like that because now, you don't smoke.

Her mum died when she was 19, so she was orphaned halfway through uni. Her mum died during Easter vac in the night, in the next bedroom to my mum. She'd had a massive operation with one of those Y-section scars to try to overcome her lung cancer, but it didn't work. My mum woke in the night to hear a terrible rattling sound from next door; it was her mother's last breath.

That won't happen to your children, because you don't smoke.

I never met my grandmother, who by all accounts was an amazing woman. She never saw her daughter graduate from university or get married. She never held her daughter's first child. She never celebrated her own sixtieth birthday. But you will do all of those things. Because you don't smoke.

Please, keep going - you can!!

revolutionconfirmed · 11/05/2012 11:36

I keep thinking of my nan. She practically raised me, was my best friend and died of lung cancer a month before I turned 18. She never got to see her two beautiful great granddaughters or the man that I chose to have those children with. I want to be there for my daughters. As hard as it is now it's such an easy decision for the future.

OP posts:
revolutionconfirmed · 11/05/2012 17:35

Just hit my one week target! :o

OP posts:
NagooIsBuildingAnArk · 11/05/2012 17:44
Thanks
gypsyfloss · 11/05/2012 17:46

Yahay :)

Next week will be even easier. Sometimes a little complacency creeps in after week 2 and it is easy to think you can have " just one" ... but you will be ready for that and just keep on not smoking.

'Cos that's what you do: You don't smoke anymore :)

revolutionconfirmed · 11/05/2012 17:56

I've been thinking and craving one a lot more the last day or two but have stayed strong so far. Hoping it will last :o

OP posts:
gypsyfloss · 11/05/2012 19:14

It will last... you are making it happen. When you're addicted to something you can feel like it controls you and you're powerless in the face of it.

You are now in control...that's massively empowering . Everything new thing you do without the aid or support of a cigarette is another notch on your belt Grin

revolutionconfirmed · 12/05/2012 09:17

So true. I feel like I've accomplished something :o

OP posts: