to think DP is being an arse?

[revolutionconfirmed]

We both quit smoking yesterday due to financial concerns and health concerns as we have two young children. He quit cold turkey and is doing fine. I was on 40+ rollies a day and am finding it difficult so I'm using Nicorette patches and the inhaler.

DP tells me he doesn't support me and that I'm weak. He says how can we afford to buy inhaler cartridges and patches if we can't afford to smoke. I say it's less than half what we usually spend on tobacco and if it helps me stay off them it's worth it. He's now in a great big mood telling me I'm weak and stupid and he won't support me because I may as well go out and buy tobacco for the amount I'll spend on replacements and that in his mind I'm still smoking.

DP has no job. I support him and I've bought all the tobacco knowing that we couldn't afford it for two years. Now it's come to a head and I've decided we have to stop for various reasons and he's yelling about it. He wants to quit too and says he has no side effects because he's not weak but is blastering on about money when if I bought tobacco knowing we couldn't afford it he'd happily smoke that and tell me to give up coffee or something else.

I'm feeling so unsupported. He said he won't congratulate someone so weak on two days 'clean' or three days. I think twenty one hours without a cigarette is a damn good feat for someone who hasn't gone more than a waking hour without one in seven years, patch or no patch.

AIBU to tell him to support me or fuck off?

The time I finally gave up for good, no lapses. I knew I couldn't have just one, it's my nature.

You're doing brilliantly!

You can never have "just one" - the nicotine receptors in your brain that you make dormant by quitting are still there, just switched off. So "just one" fires them up again and starts that horrendous cycle of craving and withdrawal again.

Most people take between 3 and 7 quit attempts before they quit for good so it's always worth trying again even if you didn't manage to quit before.

Your DP obviously doesn't understand how NRT works ( a bit like the people that use it for years on end!) and is probably waiting for you to fail to justify him starting smoking again - "oh well if you are going to smoke I might as well". You are NOT responsible for his success in quitting so focus on yourself and how well you are doing

What Sidge says :)

Sidge Brilliant advice. As much as I want DP to quit too this is about me more. I need to keep myself from failing and he has all he needs to stop himself.

I think I'll be the same. I'll never be able to have just one. My Bampi quit six yeara ago and says he is never tempted. I hope I am like him rather than a constant non-smoking smoker.

You will be tempted. Especially in the early months and years of quitting. It's ENTIRELY NORMAL to be tempted - not only have you got years of physical addiction to deal with you've also got many years of the psychological habit to deal with. What will happen is that the sensible, conscious part of your brain will override the subconscious 'smoking' part. Temptation to smoke will become a fleeting thought, hardly touching the surface and gone before you acknowledge it or act on it.

What is harder is dealing with the psychological side - smokers always have an excuse to smoke, and if they haven't got one they make one:

It's 10:00, I always have my fag break at 10:00.

I'm having a coffee, I always have a ciggie with my coffee.

The kids have wound me up/DH has pissed me off/the dog looked funny at me/the queue in the shop was really long/I ran out of teabags/I'm stressed because of work etc etc etc.

The thing is everyone has those things going on, we all get stressed. But those of us that don't smoke (whether never smoked or have quit) have other, better ways of dealing with life rather than smoking. When it boils down to it, that little white stick doesn't change any of the above things, it may make you feel that it's helped you to deal with them but it doesn't change them. The kids will still wind you up, your DH/DP will still piss you off, but you deal with it without smoking.

Your Bampi may say now that he is never tempted but I bet he was 6 years ago . You can be like him - everyone has it within them to quit.

Just wanted to wish you lots of luck op. You're doing a great thing for you and your family. Well done.

You're doing brilliantly op, well done.

I have been told that lemon dampens cravings. A friend on one of the NHS quitting courses was told to chomp on lemon flavored glucose sweets and to sip lemon juice (diluted I think hope!) whenever she had a craving. She seemed to find it helpful.

Keep going!

Lemon sounds like a good idea.

It's the first 'big' night where I have extreme insomnia. I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight. When I'm awake all night I usually watch films and chain smoke. I've got to now but I don't know how bad the rest of the night will be.

Horlicks.

I have none :(

Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about the insomnia and crazy dreams when first quitting. Def not a good idea to give in and have just one. I did that after 10 months of quitting cold turkey. A bad mistake and all that sheer hard work down the drain.

When I first quit though I found that having hot baths helped a lot, also when a craving hit I would run up and down on the spot really fast, or skip with a rope. I found if I was too out of breath to breath properly I was also too out of breath to smoke it worked for me.

Now If only I hadn't said yes at that party 10 months later.

Hot baths are good. Basically anything you do when you wouldn't smoke. I also took up kickboxing, because it meant that I could really see how much fitter I was.

Ooh kickboxing! Sounds fun. I'd be crap though

well done you (haven't re4ad entire thread).

I'd say he's finding stopping very hard going and is projecting all his resentments/angst/withdrawls etc onto you.

He's being an arse!!! Ignore him, stay focused, you can do it!!!!

Spring cleaning!!! When I stopped I couldn't sit still for about 3 months and I also quadrupled my alcohol consumption - watch out for that.

In a way it's a little bit like watching your calories - some days you just have to go to bed early :)

I was awful at kickboxing when I started. However, at the end I could do 40 proper push-ups and I knew I would never have been able to do that smoking. I think it helped clear out all the gunge and yuk form my lungs a bit quicker as well.

Day five. I can't write that without my head saying it in a geordie accent.

Getting there slowly.

Well done! You're doing AMAZING :)

Don't know if it helps, but when my friend stopped, she said stopping "for ever" was too much to contemplate. So, every morning she just thought "hmmmm, I don't think I'll have a cigarette today" and she found that easier to deal with.

Well done you! Not long now and the smell of smoke on strangers in the street will get up your nose and you'll wonder why you ever did it.

Haven't read the whole thread as I need to get off, but just wanted to say that even if you pay for your prescriptions, I am sure getting the patches and inhalators would still work out cheaper than buying them over the counter. Ask your doctors if they have a smoking cessation clinic. Mine does and I too get both the patches and inhalators. 5 weeks I have now been, and feel so much better for it already. I don't think I would off been so good without the NRT though.

You can do this. And yes, he is being an arse. Probably down to irritability from the nicotine withdrawal.

5th day - huge well done to you RC, you should be so proud of yourself xx

Well done so far!! (I hear the Geordie accent BB style, but with the added "in the Jiz Stinking Car" tacked onto the end of it!! !!)