to think DP is being an arse?

[revolutionconfirmed]

We both quit smoking yesterday due to financial concerns and health concerns as we have two young children. He quit cold turkey and is doing fine. I was on 40+ rollies a day and am finding it difficult so I'm using Nicorette patches and the inhaler.

DP tells me he doesn't support me and that I'm weak. He says how can we afford to buy inhaler cartridges and patches if we can't afford to smoke. I say it's less than half what we usually spend on tobacco and if it helps me stay off them it's worth it. He's now in a great big mood telling me I'm weak and stupid and he won't support me because I may as well go out and buy tobacco for the amount I'll spend on replacements and that in his mind I'm still smoking.

DP has no job. I support him and I've bought all the tobacco knowing that we couldn't afford it for two years. Now it's come to a head and I've decided we have to stop for various reasons and he's yelling about it. He wants to quit too and says he has no side effects because he's not weak but is blastering on about money when if I bought tobacco knowing we couldn't afford it he'd happily smoke that and tell me to give up coffee or something else.

I'm feeling so unsupported. He said he won't congratulate someone so weak on two days 'clean' or three days. I think twenty one hours without a cigarette is a damn good feat for someone who hasn't gone more than a waking hour without one in seven years, patch or no patch.

AIBU to tell him to support me or fuck off?

Would add that on one occasion he was being such a twat twit that I was 1 millimetre away from going to buy him some cigarettes. And I had always refused to buy him any when he actually smoked.

It is sodding hard but just keep at it.

NicNoc It isn't unusual for people who quite smoking to be very short tempered at the start.
Put 2 short tempered persons in the same home and the result can be explosive!

OP, does he want to goad you into packing in the NRT so you start smoking again? Thereby giving him the excuse to start too? Just a thought.

He has made himself a huge hostage to fortune hasn't he? "I can quit without any help." So, if he fails, he needs to drag you down with him otherwise he looks like the foolish one who tried to go it cold turkey - and failed.

Sorry, I may be over thinking this and he is just grumpy from withdrawal.

He might be. He always says how he can quit and wants to but ?smokes because it is there?. He's ?waiting for [me] to fail? so I assume he can feel better that we've both gone down.

I am under no illusions that Wednesday in college he will smoke if offered a cigarette but if he does that's his own failure as I won't be having any back in the house for him to smoke.

What ever it takes to get you through, it's true tgat you will then have to give them up but that doesn't mean you've not suffered.

He is a knobhead. He could get part time jobs.

NSICCO - We're actually both pretty laid back but we were not good company for each other at the time!!

Idk I do get a bit bothered by the malice of the OPs other half but I suspect it's because we don't argue much and when we do it's all sticking to the matter in hand as it were. I would be hurt to the quick if DH said something like that to me and wouldn't ever say that to him.
I do think there's a difference between 'I think that you are doing something stupid' and 'I think you are stupid'.
But different strokes for different folks!

I would be leaving him to get on with his strop and just keeping it light - do you want tea? Are you doing bathtime or would you like me to? and just answering as if he had been polite and blanking the rest.

Funnily enough that's what I did after DH fell off the wagon and then quit again - I was fine, he was not a happy camper. Things ran much more smoothly when I had my full compliment of patience!

Well done on your quit. The first 72 hours are pretty hard but once you get through that things get a little easier. You need to quit whichever way is best for you. Cold turkey works for some people, patches are better for others. Tescos pharmacy offer support and they will give you prescription patches or whatever it is you need. You have to keep going back every week or two so they can check you've not been smoking, but it works out a lot cheaper that way. Good luck and stick at it.

Nearly 24 hours OP- well done! Maybe you could buy yourself a little treat in a day or two with the money you've saved. You're doing brilliantly. Do let us know when you reach the 24 hour mark.

Tesco, you say? I'll pop in and see if our local Tesco offers the same. All I've ever got from the GP is literature and the excuse that I'm young and healthy and can quit alone. My GP seems to save prescription patches for the elders who have more chance of x amount being spent on smoking related hospital treatment in the next x amount of years. I guess the NHS needs to save all the money it can.

I'm upset about it too Nic. I haven't told him that quitting cold turkey means he has a higher chance of smoking again or that if he's offered a cigarette when I'm not around I think he'd take it with no remorse. I support him and tell him well done every few hours or days as it will end up being. I don't care that he thinks I'm weak but to tell me when I actually feel very fragile is just mean and a recipe for disaster in my book. There's a line between being a bit irritable and saying some off the cuff remarks and putting someone down for the sake of it.

For the record, he can be nasty. Words have beeb exchanged in the past that were intended to hurt but we both are quite volatile with our words and it's a two way thing. I wouldn't dream of kicking him when he was down without a cause.

shove a fag up his arse

Can it be lit or am I taking this a bit far?

Light it

deffo babes

Such a reem idea. Ta babes.

No side effects? Isn't one of the side effects of nicotine withdrawals err....irritability?!

Well done you. Seriously it's a massive achievement. Tell your DP it's your fucking money and you will spend it as you see fit. I think if you go to the GP you can get nicotine replacements on prescription. Every 2 years or so PIL (20-30/day for 35 years, riddled with smoking related illnesses) decide to give up, go to docs & come away laden with patches, inhalators, gum you name it.

You're doing absolutely the right thing, he is being completely unreasonable. Do not let him break you down you are doing brilliantly! Keep your children in mind and go for it.

I think the irritability is getting in the way of him seeing his irritability.

Hmm. Not very nice. At least you can take comfort from the fact you are being the bigger person and you have the greater chance of success at which point you will be fully vindicated. I do think he should be taken to task for being actively demoralising - when he's not in a mood so he can get the most benefit.

Possibly with the assistance of a lit fag- cherry first.

Chemist might be a better idea if GP not being very helpful as you don't actually need a GP for the NRT scripts. Or have you got a smoking cessation urse at your practice? GP was rubbish but our nurse was fabby.
Firm but fair

Nurse even!

Keep going OP you are doing really well. :)

Well he sounds like a charmer but leaving that aside, I'll try to be generous and assume it's because of giving up the fags - you know him so you know the truth...

Re the money, it's a far better long-term financial strategy to spend some money now if it helps you give up smoking permanently, thus saving tons more money in the future. So it is perfectly justified to buy the NRT if that's what you need. As for him going cold turkey, so what? It isn't a competition to see who's hardest, does he think he's Ross Kemp or something?

I would actually stop bothering with the supportive comments, mind. Don't be nasty as he is but I would stop the congrats. Kindness that is consistently not being repaid (if the person has it in their power to do so) is being treated with contempt. Let him carry on without encouragement if he's doing so, so, well and not being weak.

Officially over 24 hours :o!

I think he thinks it's a competition. ?I haven't even thought about fags until you mentioned them?

"I think twenty one hours without a cigarette is a damn good feat for someone who hasn't gone more than a waking hour without one in seven years, patch or no patch."
And I completely agree! And now it's over 24 hours. Yay for revolutionconfirmed!!

He is very obviously having side-effects - irritability is the best -known of all. But it does sound as if he is ALSO being a total arse, trying to sabotage you so that he can then smoke again. So there's another good reason to stay fag-free (besides all your excellent ones) - to spite the fucker!

It's given me more willpower if anything. I like to prove people wrong. He's reading his book and I'm sucking on my inhaler watching The Voice. I'm just leaving him to it. If he wants to talk, I'm here.

Well done you! Keep on doing what you're doing xx

Is it normal to really crave a cigarette despite being on the inhaler and the lozenges? I am reeeally craving a cigarette.