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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to change our plans for one family?

232 replies

kumakaka · 03/05/2012 10:53

DD is about to turn 12 - her party is the weekend after next. She has recently got into the Back to the Future films and wants a few friends over for a "Back to the Future" themed afternoon/early evening (bit retro I know, but that's what she wants!), the main part of which will be watching the first film. That's fine with me, I think the films are entirely appropriate for that age group.

Anyway, one of her friends is from a very strict religious family. There are many things this girl is not allowed to do, including going anywhere on Sundays. Because of this we are having the party on the Saturday, even though Sunday would actually be more convenient as DD has a sports match on Saturday too.

She sent out an invitation a couple of days ago and most have already replied saying they are looking forward to it. The girl from the religious family sent an email last night - she said that although the party sounds fun and she would like to come, her parents (and her apparently) feel that Back to the Future is not an appropriate choice of film and could we change it?

DD is upset - she wants her friend to come but has been looking forward to this for a while now. I told her to think about it and not reply just yet.

What should we do?

OP posts:

AKMD · 03/05/2012 18:17

Oh and I agree with the people saying that the parents are being rude and it might be a good idea to gently tell them so if you feel you can. Sometimes people do need a reality check.

I'm not saying I'm perfect but in this situation I would have given you a call/spoken to you in passing after getting the original invite and explained that we don't do Sunday parties, so sorry to be missing it, thanks for inviting us and we hope your DD has a lovely time.

NovackNGood · 03/05/2012 18:48

AKMD. coud you or Mrsplugtheplumber explain to me why the Mormon website does not mention that Joseph Smith was a convicted conman before he started Mormonism??

Panda1234 · 03/05/2012 19:24

OP - this family sound like they use the Capalert website to pick out suitable films. www.capalert.com/capreports/index.htm. The Rio review mentions that there's a showgirl and a 'crotch hit', whatever that is. Someone apparently also uses 'a euphemism for the human posterior'.

Although, there's no Back to the Future review on there, sadly.

AKMD · 03/05/2012 19:28

Novack I'm afraid I can't as a) I don't know anything about such a story (and don't want to) and b) I don't see what relevance your question has to the thread and can only assume that it's an attempt to be offensive and start a bunfight, which I'm not interested in. If you have a dig through Google I'm sure you can find all the myths you want.

zipzap · 03/05/2012 20:12

I'd be really tempted to talk to the parents and find out 'exactly what is wrong with BTTF, as I consulted some other LDS MNetters friends and they all said that BTTF was one of the films they were absolutely fine with, we thought that your dd would be able to come, especially as you were happy to show Despicable Me to the younger kids! I want to make sure that we are not missing anything that you have obviously seen the film and spotted, as we've seen it (and so have other LDS MNetters) and couldn't see any problems...' (and can't remember now if any of the mormon blogs/sites actively said that it was a fine film to watch so throw that in too)

That way you are turning it around onto you and making them say exactly what they think is wrong and see if they can justify it or if they just assume that it is bad...

(have to say I haven't ever seen Despicable me, but given the title and the way they are trying to influence your dd's party, might be worth throwing that in there to stir things up )

salemsparklys · 03/05/2012 20:50

I was raised LDS and watched BTTF and many more like it, went to birthday parties on a sunday etc and my children have done the same, i think this family are taking it OTT and are going to push the poor thing away

NovackNGood · 03/05/2012 20:59

It's not a myth it's a fact. if you want the USA legal paper number I'll let you have it as I've it's quiet hard to find in a UTAH library.

BillyBollyBandy · 03/05/2012 22:00

Novack start a seperate thread if you want to discuss Mormons and their religious influences.

lunamoon · 03/05/2012 22:49

I wouldn't change the film.
you have already changed the day.
If my dcs cannot go to a party due to other commitmments then they make the choice and they have learnt that in life everyone has to make choices.

totallypearshaped · 03/05/2012 22:49

A lot of religions are started by those found guilty of some crime or other though Novack - Jesus for example.... he was sentenced to death and was crucified...

but back to the thread... hope the party is fun OP and your DD and her friend come to some arrangement that suits all.

Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 23:47

BTTf is an awful series of films YABU

Its your dds party and no she shouldnt change her film for the girl she is going to come across a lot of things she isnt allowed to be involved in and her parents are going to have to accept that , I still dont know wht BTTF isnt appropriate

Aribura · 04/05/2012 00:03

J-Smith being arrested isn't a myth. If you're going to follow a religion then at least know what it is instead of "I don't want to know." Other half is Mormon btw, not being a cruel bitch. I just think people should know what the hell they are believing? But yeah, not exactly relevant to the thread at hand. Btw my other half watches 18 films so BTTF wouldn't exactly be scandalous.

chakracleansing · 04/05/2012 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Posterofapombear · 04/05/2012 01:36

Novack your bun throwing is annoying to grown ups.

Original poster

kumakaka · 04/05/2012 01:37

Thanks for all the responses and suggestions.

I agree the third BTTF is crap .

Just to clarify we never sent out an invitation for Sunday as it's common knowledge that this family would decline, which is why we planned for Saturday. This issue comes up frequently as the family have hundreds of several children and my 3 dcs are friendly with 3 of theirs. Some people have gone ahead with Sunday parties knowing the mormon kids would not come, some have changed plans to fit in. They have never asked me (or others that I know of) to change dates for them, but I know the sports team did change matches from Sunday to Saturday so the kids could participate.

We've decided not to change the film. I think that wouldn't be the end of it even if we did as I'm sure you can find something inappropriate in most films a 12yo would want to watch! I spoke to dd about it and she liked the idea of inviting her friend after the film, which is what I hoped she would say! I will find out how long the film is (about 2 hours?) and suggest a time to the mum for her dd to turn up.

OP posts:

Serendipity30 · 04/05/2012 03:22

Im sure if the family where muslim everyone would be berating the OP telling her to change the film

Serendipity30 · 04/05/2012 03:23

Im so sick of the Christianity bashing, pathetic.

kickingking · 04/05/2012 04:11

Am suprised nobody has talked about the attempted rape scene in BTTF. Biff tries to rape Marty's mum, Marty's dad prevents it and in the 'modern day' end of the film, Biff is employed to wash the family's cars. Marty's dad laughingly calls him a 'character'. He is a rapist!

That said, I don't think the OP should be reorganising her daughter's party round one family.

echt · 04/05/2012 05:40

Nah, thundercat, I think they'd still be put in their place.

runningforthebusinheels · 04/05/2012 07:37

I'd still tell them not to change the film if they were muslim.

Frontpaw · 04/05/2012 08:17

I would tell them too, no matter what the reason! Unless the parents said "oh we've found a lovely sounding film for our 5 year olds party. Silence of the Lambs haven't seen it. Something about Bo-Peep I think".

Original poster

kumakaka · 04/05/2012 10:34

Brilliant.

OP posts:

lisad123 · 04/05/2012 10:39

I think it's rude to ask at all

MarySA · 04/05/2012 10:41

If the whole party is themed around the film then there is no point in changing it. Unless your daughter absolutely begs you to. I don't tlhink I'd get involved in saying the film will show at such a time come round later. But if they asked then I'd say yes of course. What pains people are!!

Hullygully · 04/05/2012 10:42

What is the outcome? Is she coming after the film? What did dd say?

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