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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to change our plans for one family?

232 replies

kumakaka · 03/05/2012 10:53

DD is about to turn 12 - her party is the weekend after next. She has recently got into the Back to the Future films and wants a few friends over for a "Back to the Future" themed afternoon/early evening (bit retro I know, but that's what she wants!), the main part of which will be watching the first film. That's fine with me, I think the films are entirely appropriate for that age group.

Anyway, one of her friends is from a very strict religious family. There are many things this girl is not allowed to do, including going anywhere on Sundays. Because of this we are having the party on the Saturday, even though Sunday would actually be more convenient as DD has a sports match on Saturday too.

She sent out an invitation a couple of days ago and most have already replied saying they are looking forward to it. The girl from the religious family sent an email last night - she said that although the party sounds fun and she would like to come, her parents (and her apparently) feel that Back to the Future is not an appropriate choice of film and could we change it?

DD is upset - she wants her friend to come but has been looking forward to this for a while now. I told her to think about it and not reply just yet.

What should we do?

OP posts:
NovackNGood · 03/05/2012 16:17

Rebelled -- or do you mean escaped?

ZZZenAgain · 03/05/2012 16:17

Interesting to read your posts MrsP

NovackNGood · 03/05/2012 16:18

So do Scientologist another cult.

MrsPlugThePlumber · 03/05/2012 16:20

No, I don't mean "escaped".

For that would imply that they were imprisoned, when actually one of the fundamental beliefs of the Church is "freedom to choose".

For more info (if you are genuinely interested), see the Church's own website:

mormon.org/choice/

Original poster
kumakaka · 03/05/2012 16:21

Well I like (some) cheesy films too!

I have often thought I would like to be a fly on the wall when dd and her friend are having conversations because I'm sure they must be interesting sometimes. I once overheard them talking about wine and dd was saying we let her try a sip when we have it (she hated it) and her friend did look a bit shocked!

OP posts:
NovackNGood · 03/05/2012 16:21

I do now a lot about the mormon cult thank you :) It's a shame you don't. Your website fails to mention that Joseph Smith was a convicted conman before he started it.

thebody · 03/05/2012 16:26

Kumaka, so what will u do?? Carry on and invite her later? Soz if u said as dippin and out cooking the dinner lol

Original poster
kumakaka · 03/05/2012 16:27

Yes I will do that if dd agrees.

OP posts:
MrsPlugThePlumber · 03/05/2012 16:28

Look. I'm not going to get into a debate about my religion on this thread.

The OP asked whether she was being unreasonable in not planning to change her DDs party, the LDS Church was mentioned, I felt that as a member of the said Church I would not expect this - hopefully a useful point when people are trying to reconcile the Church's teachings with the rejection of Back to the Future!

There is a lot of info out there - some true, some sensationalised, some nonsense, about any church.

thebody · 03/05/2012 16:29

Sorry talking of Mormons, are the Dukar family? 19 kids and counting? I watched it to take piss and just can't as they are so lively and that mom has NO WRINKLES and looks so fresh!!!!

MrsPlugThePlumber · 03/05/2012 16:30

Have to leave now, not sulking... will check back on thread later in case of any other thoughts.

thebody · 03/05/2012 16:30

Lovely not lively of course

bigjoeent · 03/05/2012 16:34

I saw the Dugars, sorry to hijack the thread, but they organised their children into an orchestra! I have trouble getting mine out of the house / to bed etc How do they do it?

ZZZenAgain · 03/05/2012 16:35

didn't they build their own house too? Way beyond our family capabilities

madhairday · 03/05/2012 16:42

Just say to the mum 'well, I guess you're not ready for this kind of music film yet. But your kid are gonna love it.' Grin

I'm as Christian as they come and have a huuuge love for that film. Apart from the mild swearing I'm struggling to find anything remotely offensive. Marty and Jennifer's clothes and hairstyles are the closest I can think of.

BBQJuly · 03/05/2012 16:45

If there are certain small sections the parents would rather the girl didn't see, could she just leave the room at that point?

ZZZenAgain · 03/05/2012 16:46

yes the hairstyles and clothes will be a worry. I really cannot even remember the details of those BTTF films. Will have to watch them again.

Original poster
kumakaka · 03/05/2012 16:47
Grin

I'm pretty sure DH still has some clothes from the 80's.

I don't think the Duggars are LDS - baptist maybe?

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 03/05/2012 16:48

If there are certain small sections the parents would rather the girl didn't see, could she just leave the room at that point?

Apart from the fact that you'd need some sort of printed timeline in order to know when to freeze the frame so that the guest can, rather like a News of the World reporter, "make her excuses and leave", I can't see how the constant disappearance and reappearance of a party guest is going to help create any sort of party atmosphere.

ZZZenAgain · 03/05/2012 16:49

that would be the task of the supervising parent to have the remote in hand and shout : "Hold it right there".

BBQJuly · 03/05/2012 16:54

Didn't think it would need to be "constant disappearance and reappearance". Most of the film is surely completely unproblematic? And at least this girl then gets to join in, rather than have her parents exclude her from the whole film. No harm in a couple of popcorn breaks, surely?

Pandemoniaa · 03/05/2012 16:57

Honestly, I think it'd be completely impractical. For starters, which bits would be problematic? I can quite see that there'd be popcorn breaks anyway but to have the film completely disrupted on the basis of unknown difficult bits would ruin it for everyone. And make the guest look ridiculous.

Frontpaw · 03/05/2012 17:03

It would get too difficult, and what if you mistimed it and she saw/heard something she shouldnt? Or should she have an eyemask, stick her fingers in her ears and sing 'lalalalalala'?

Just let her folks know the timings/itinerary. Tell them that you have arranged the party for the Saturday because your Dd would love her to be able to come and that you won't be changing the film. She is welcome to come after the film, if they don't think it is suitable for her. Do they expect the other children to have a code of silence about it too?

They are being a bit over protective IMO - all children overhear words they shouldn't, see magazine covers in the newsagents, ot dvd covers in the video shop. As a parent you need to deal with these things. Ok so you wouldnt get out Bride of Chucky for them to watch, but still...

youarekidding · 03/05/2012 17:17

This thread has been very interesting to read.

I agree that you have been accomodating by putting the party on a non-religious day. I totally respects others religions and beliefs and do think as a society we have to be tolerant of them but also we have to accept that if our religion/beliefs etc prevent us from finding something acceptable we have to make the decision to not attend or compromise.

Part of me fees that having changed the day to accomodate them by then changing the film they find unsuitable and you don't to one they find suitable in a way you are compromising/ changing your beliefs. If everyone did this then we wouldn't have differing faiths/ beliefs.

We should live in a world of acceptance not compliance. EG you accept their beliefs and do Saturday attendance after the film, they accept you believe this film is acceptable (btw I think it is too) and are grateful for you including their DD where you can.

I hope your DD has a fab birthday - I rememeber my 12th birthday, I went to see Batman Returns at the cinema, not what most 12yo's would have chosen either Grin

AKMD · 03/05/2012 18:05

I'm LDS and DH and I consider ourselves strict but Shock at this family. Back to the Future is inappropriate?!

Obviously parents have a right to decide what their children do and don't watch but the extent to which they are taking this is ridiculous. They stay at parties to monitor what's going on? They vetoed Rio? Honestly, more 'risque' films are shown at church youth camp Hmm

Official church guidelines on media here.

I hope your DD has a lovely party :)